My sister's husband committed suicide 18 months ago leaving behind 4 kids. Now 17, 14, 11 & 9. It's been a horrendous 18 months trying to support & be there for my sister & their kiddies. The eldest neice has taken it the hardest & only now has she spoken about her dad's suicide by saying that she smokes dope to be closer to him. Her dad was a dope smoker & when he drank alcohol he became very aggressive. She also harbours a LOT of hatred against my brother (her uncle) as he has a drug problem himself & bludges a lot of money from my sister (which she has stopped giving). She treats her mum extremely bad! & thinks she needs to be the parent of her siblings as her mum works a lot. There is SO much more going on. I really need some kind of advice as to where/what we can do for her to help with her aggressiveness & loss. As she is over 16 we can't force her into medical health ward at our local hospital.
Hi , thanks for posting.
It sounds like you are worried and concerned for your niece as she has really been struggling with the loss of her father. It also looks like you’re you are looking for advice on what services your niece can access for further support. It’s great that you have been able to reach out for some support and advice on our forums. We hope that you will receive some helpful comments from other community members.
It’s important for your niece to understand that there are many avenues for professional support to assist her in coping with the loss of her father . You may like to encourage her to see her doctor, who can then provide an assessment of her symptoms and discuss ongoing treatment options with her. Treatment may include medication and / or a referral to a psychologist.
A psychologist can provide counselling, emotional support, and practical strategies to help her cope with her grief and aggressiveness. You may like to encourage her to read through these information booklets on “Grief and loss” and “Drugs, alcohol and mental health”.
You may also like to encourage your niece to contact the Suicide Call Back Service for bereavement counselling related to her father’s suicide. The Suicide Call Back Service can be contacted by telephone on 1300 659 467 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Also, as you reported your niece has been aggressive towards her mother, you may like to suggest to you sister that she call the Parent Line on 1300 1300 52 for counselling support around managing her daughter’s behaviours.
We also encourage you to call the beyondblue Support Service on 1300 22 4636. We can help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with counselling support, information and referrals. We also have a webchat service available from 3pm to 12 am daily, which you can access from the beyondblue website.
I can really relate to this
my father committed suicide when I was 12. I was extremely aggressive smoked a lot of pot for most of my teens, terrible to my mother at times. I've spent most of my life feeling like my anger was a curse. Destroyed a lot of relationships because I could not control myself. My mother took her life just 3 years ago. I felt like that angry child again, this time destroying my relationship with my wife and ultimately my family left. Now with to parents committing suicide and a broken family, I was left pondering suicide. Depression and anxiety are now symptoms I have to manage on a daily basis. Through therapy and my own life plan (structure) I'm living a life that keeps on improving.
The child is angry because they hurt. Their father was taken from them and it was out of their control. To be angry is to feel in control, it feels powerful as aposed to being sad and vulnerable. I was trying to control every person, every situation in my life. If I could not control it, I got angry. It is really important the child speaks with someone to understand the feelings associated with suicide. Not just anyone though. If they don't get some good information early into counselling they will turn their back on it (as I did.)
It is really important that the child does not feel isolated (which right now I'm think is a huge probability) everything they are doing and feeling is normal. There are so many of us out there that can completely relate. A support group I've used among others is support after suicide.
I could talk all day as this is so close to my heart. These children will be in my thoughts. I wish I could reach out and help them