Loss of a family member from suicide
We're so grateful that you have reached out to our community tonight, we know know that it can be a really tough thing to do but it is so important that you have. We're so sorry to hear of the loss of your cousin, we can't imagine how devastated you must feel. We hope that you have someone that you can talk to and some support, as it is also important that you take care of yourself during this difficult time. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk about your thoughts and feelings, and our wonderful community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
It sounds like you're in a really tough space and it might help to talk it out. We'd recommend getting in touch with Griefline on 1300 845 745. GriefLine provides counselling support services free of charge to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support, as well as advice and referrals to help you through this. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or through webchat at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport to talk through these feelings.
You may also find the ‘Recently bereaved by suicide’ page on our website helpful: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/recently-bereaved-by-suicide
We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums. Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it.
I hope that some of the links Sophie_M gave you have been a little help. I'm sorry for the loss of your cousin and more sorry again she took her life.
Reading your story I imagine you have had some experience with the grief you feel when someone passes away, particularly if they are elderly or had been unwell. There is loss and a part of you that is no longer there. It's natural, and there is pain, and it has no schedule or timescale.
At least with those feelings you can share with others, you are both feeling much the same and it is expected, a natural part of life.
Suicide is very different for those have been touched by the death. On top of the normal grief is whole new layer of unexpected and horrible thoughts for which one has no experience and nothing to help cope with them.
The facts are that your guilt is misplaced. Saying this to you will not make the feelings go away at once, but as you mull it over in your mind you will find there is nothing you missed, no sign that could be taken, and no actions you could have taken. Your cousin had her reasons, right or wrong , accurate or otherwise, and sadly those reasons went with her.
Talking to those close, they will be in a same position or worse, with stronger feelings of guilt, perhaps feelings of betrayal or abandonment, even anger on occasions. All perfectly natural, all perfectly as it should be. They too will be looking for the invisible signs none would be able to see.
You do not need to say anything to 'fix' things, simply sayng you share their grief and loss and care about them is the best anyone can do. Being company is good, isolation not so good.
Is there anyone lives near your mum might give her a hand with practical things for a while, even if it is just sweeping the kitchen. A hand with those everyday tasks can help a lot at times.
Please feel you can talk here as often as you like, it would be welcome