Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

i lost my mum who had been sick for over 10 years

Community Member

My ex has been in jail now for almost 2 years. i was with him and dedicated to staying with him there was no doubt about it. A year into him being in jail i lost my mum who had been sick for over 10 years. Losing my mum really hit me and up until today i still havent dealt with losing her, it will be a year next week. This changed things for me so much i ended things with my ex. At this point i wasnt looking for another relationship but found one anyway. Ive been with him for a while now but recently my feelings came back for my ex. It has been so hard for me because i have felt so torn between both of them, it wasnt fair to either of them i know. I spoke to my partner and told him the situation and it crushed him. He knows about mu ex and all the dramas there. So ive been talking to my family about it who where close to my ex, and i feel like they are judging me and trying to push my ex back on me. I just feel so over whemed and since making the decision to stay with my new guy one my family members arent too happy about it. I just feel so alone right now, the people that are suppose to be there for you through thick and thin and support you regardless of the choices you make. To judge you when they dont know how your feeling  or even understand. i have no friends lost contact with them after i finished school so i dont have anyone to talk to.

4 Replies 4

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Debz,

Welcome to the forums. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum, the first year anniversary can be a hard time particularly. 

I'd recommend having a look at the website for the Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement >  http://www.grief.org.au/ > they not only have some valuable resources, but they also run bereavement support groups.  This could be an opportunity for you to make some new friends.

With your family not being an adequate support network for you right now, I would recommend seeing your doctor to get a psychologist referral.  Being able to talk through your grief and other life issues in a professional setting will help you to get a better perspective on what to do next.

Does anyone else have advice for Debz?

Community Member

Debz, your situation is a hard one. The solution comes from within yourself. You must decide what you truly want. Perhaps you need help, someone to talk to, so they can help you organize your thoughts and feelings. This would be better, from someone who is independent and trained, that can listen to you, and give advice. I think the sooner you can do this the better, as long as you are leaving the decision, you may be hurting the feelings of another or more. The decision must be yours. Good luck.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

dear Deb, I'm sorry about losing your mum you must have been very close.

Your situation would solely depend on how long your ex is in in jail for, and you have called him 'ex', (My ex has been in jail), so maybe you had already decided that he will be in jail for awhile, so you have a life to live.

No one can have a relationship just because the family think he is the right one for you, it's your choose, as you have to live with this person for a long time, and you can't wait for him to get out of jail however long that maybe.

Plus the fact that if and when he does get out of jail there are so many restrictions that are forced onto you, like, you can't get any loans, rental apartments, insurance etc. so this limits your decisions, so just do what you think is the best. L Geoff. x

Community Member

Thank you all for writing to me i really do appreciate your help. Yo have helped and given me different perspective on my situation. Thank you again