Grief and how to deal with it.

Lostmumma · ‎18-09-2018

Hi guys,

My depression started as post natal, i was on and off my meds thinking and hoping i could stay off them. I got off them a for a bit. Had another baby and bam. Back to it all again. Things were going well so i stopped. AGAIN.. all was well and good.. 2years later. My mum/best friend passed away suddenly in her sleep (artheroslerotic heart disease) she didnt even know she has it!! Fell into a hole and was back on them again.

3 years on. With the most wonderful supportive husband and kids im still struggling with everything. All i want to do is hidr in my bed and netflix all day. I dont like doing anything.. its affecting work, life and everything inbetween. Ive lost the one person i could pour all my problems to without any judgement or pity. My mum was. My everything and I'm trying so hard but i just feel its pulling me further and further down. Im at a loss and i do not know what to do anymore..

Is there anyone that could share some light x

Croix · ‎18-09-2018

Dear Lostmumma~

Getting depression back again and again is really discouraging, you think it get better, go off the meds, than another blow sets you back. I stay on my meds nowadays, they are pretty good, no real side effects and less roller-coaster. I realize not everyone would find it suitable to do this, but it might be a thought.

I've found as time has gone on I've become more confident in my ability to come back, hopefully you will end up feeling the same. It's a start.

I'm very sorry about your mum. Losing a loving confident who cared and did not judge -or pity - is horrible. Thinking about it though you have your mum inside you, you came from her. There are only so many people with special abilities to relate like that and they are in some sort of way torchbearers. When they pass the torch needs to be taken up by another. Perhaps in time you will fill that role.

I'm very glad you have a supportive husband and kids, it makes a world of difference.

Croix

romantic_thi3f · ‎19-09-2018

Hi Lostmumma,

Thank you for your post and for sharing what's going on with you.

I'm really sorry to hear about what's happening and to hear about the loss of your mum.

While I haven't lost my mum, I have lost other people close to me, and just from my own experience nothing can really take the pain away. Even if I had lost my mum I still wouldn't really understand the pain that you're in. More than anything I'd love to take it away.

What I do know though from my own loss is that I can't take it away (no kidding), because if I were to take away all of the pain, I take away the good things too. All those beautiful memories of them; the way that they made you feel, their laugh, what they looked like. Grief can be bittersweet in a way because that pain has a lot of wonderful memories inside it.

I wonder if it would be helpful to chat to someone about it? While it sounds like your husband and kids are so supportive I'm also hearing that it's so hard to live with - so having that place thats your own to brainstorm ways of coping can be really helpful. Sometimes people think that going to be therapy is about forcing yourself to move on and move away from it, but in reality it's just making room. You may find that there are things you can learn about your grief; how you can live on without your mum but still having her as such an important part of your life. Your mum will always be apart of you but hopefully it will get to a point where it won't hurt so much and you'll still be able to go about your day.