Father committed suicide

[Shirtpants]

Hi,

Almost two weeks ago my father committed suicide.

I spent the first couple of days tearing everything apart trying to find answers to questions that werent always important; finding out his last movements, if it was planned for some time.

I accepted a lot of the questions werent important and i let them go.

There was a lot of family drama i was caught between up until the funeral. During the funeral, i barely shed a tear and i feel like i just dont care. In my head i know he is gone but im not sure i know that in my body. Im really confused by how i feel.

I considered viewing the body but chose not to, but now i think it may have helped me?

Will it come out eventually? How will itt come out? Any information would be appreciated.

[white knight]

Hi shirtpants, welcome

I'm 60yo. When I was 23yo my brother went the same way. He was 27. When I was 46 my 82yo uncle did the same.

Equally interesting my sister and I have mental illness struggles. So my brother and uncle might have had them also but were unaware.

You made the choice at that vulnerable time not to view your dads body. Remember, don't have regrets because you made that call with your emotions at that time, not as they are now.

We can never walk in another's shies, we don't know how they were thinking.

I suggest you write down how you feel. A short story in a notepad. I write poetry and dedicate it to my family. You'll see dome of it in the poets corner in this forum.

For now, in your loving fathers memory open your arms to any other family members that need you as much as you need them.

My brother wasn't well and as a child he was always visiting the Royal Children's Hospital. So a few years later I became "yobbo' the clown and visited children there to brighten their day.

You'll find your call in a way that your dad would be so proud.

For now allow yourself to feel sorrow for as long as you need. Everyone has their own time length before they can return to their daily routine.

Yes you will recover.

Tony WK

[hayleynew]

Hi Shirtpants,

That must have been very difficult for you. I'm very sorry for your loss. People act in different ways when they first suffer a loss. It is a natural process of grieving that loss. Rage is defiantly normal and not everyone will experience this first and sometimes not at all or not for a long time after. I have suffered many losses and to some extent I still feel resentment for them going or anger because they are not here and this is several years after the occurrence.

It would have been a difficult decision to not view the body and under the circumstances, you may not have been in the right mental state to do so. Certainly, some people feel it helps closure however there seems to be so many unanswered questions about your father's passing that even now, it might be too distressing for you.

It is a shame that family drama got in the way of you being able to grieve your loss which seems to have made things worse in some regard.

You are confused and undeniably, you are allowed to be. You will find your own coping mechanisms and they will be figured out as your journey continues. Don't get caught up on crying or feeling bad for not crying or feeling anger and acting out because of it, just do whatever comes naturally. This means within reason, don't harm yourself and send yourself down a destructive path. Keep yourself safe. Some strategies that have helped me; sharing happy memories about the person that has passed whether it be with a few drinks, music playing that he would've liked or some supportive people around you (even if that isn't the people you expected because of the drama), deep breathing exercises (this will help you reflect on "the now" and not the past especially the loss- this doesn't mean you forget about him but it means you take a few moments of your time to focus on you and make sure you are ok), mindfulness (look it up- it may involve some deep breathing exercises and meditation).

Look into a grief and loss counsellor. Grief and loss comes in many forms and you will present with various behaviours but this type of counsellor specialises in grief and loss and will understand and show empathy towards the loss of your father. You may find talking through the death, the questions you had, you still have and give you strategies to manage your stress and help you through this grieving process.

I hope this helps.