Coping with loss after a suicide

[Craig1676]

Hello.

sorry I'm a new member and if I've posted this in the wrong place, moderators please feel free to remove this.

I lost a best friend three months ago due to suicide, unfortunately I found him after he had taken his life.

I live in a small community and the support I've received is amazing but I'm yet to open up about how I'm feeling, simply because I don't know how to feel. I've completely avoided coming to terms with what has happened and I've put all my energy into making sure everyone else around me is dealing with it.

recently another close friend has been self harming and the thought of losing her is keeping me awake at night. It's draining me.

my question is, has anyone got any advice or tips that'll help me get back to my normal self. I know it won't be an easy process but I need to do something.

I'm sorry if I've triggered or offended anyone.

Thank you.

[MarkJT]

Craig, there are a few things that i want to tell you so will break them down.

First off, well done for coming to the forums to post. Takes a lot of courage to do it and you have done it. You are now part of a community that is very caring and there is no stigma.

Secondly, never apologise for posting, even if it is in the wrong place. That pales into insignificance when you read what you have been through.

Thirdly and this is where we get into the guts of your story.

You need to speak about it. I would recommend that you get to your GP and discuss what has happened and how you have held it in. It is highly admirable that you have looked after so many but there comes a time where you have to look after number one and that is you.

You may be referred to a psych and that is okay. You are going through something that is really difficult to do and you may need some more help to successfully navigate your way through it. You have been through something that you have not been through before so this is why you do not know what to feel. A GP and/or psych will be able to help you through this.

It is comforting to read that you know it is not going to be an easy process to go through but in time, you will get everything squared away and feel good again.

I hope that you continue to engage with us in here and we will help you through this journey that you are on.

In regards to your friend, are you able to have a conversation with her and see if she is seeing a psych? It certainly sounds like she needs to but your first priority is you. You need to get yourself right.

Mark.

[Wednesday]

Hi Craig,

Wow you do have a lot to deal with. I had a friend commit suicide a long time ago now but can remember the shock I felt and how I couldn't quite get my head around what happened.

It is not your role to look after everyone else. You haven't yet been able to work through how you feel and come to terms with this tragedy and so sadly you are not looking after your own needs and are putting yourself at risk.

You have to put yourself first right now and you do need to get this out of your head talk to anyone that will listen. I understand that you don't know how to feel but that seems to be the way you are dealing with the loss and shock. Please take the time to see a doctor and talk to them. As Mark said it may be worth spending some time with a psychologist, no harm there and nothing to lose. There are even people who specialise in bereavement counselling.

It's a hard call but people have to take responsibility for their own behaviours. Your friends suicide had nothing to do with you and neither does your other friends cutting behaviour. Again look after yourself first, if you are seriously concerned about her talk to your local mental health service or even her family. But it is not your role to cure her. Maybe she is crying out for attention, but that shouldn't come at your expense or health.

I don't say these things easily and it took me along time to come to terms with my friends suicide and the understanding that I had no role in his actions, this applies to you too.

I'm really pleased you came to the forum it's a great place to chat and work through things. There are many people with lots of experience to help out too. Just in case you haven't noticed there is also the chatline 1300 22 4636 available 24/7. There are other numbers at the bottom of this page that maybe useful too. So you are really not alone!

Let us know how you are going, come and chat anytime.

Good luck and warm regards.