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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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pat_the_black_dog I havent recovered from the deaths of my siblings
  • replies: 2

Hiim new to BB and wanted to share my story. I feel like all your threads have spoken to me in some way or another and so hopefully can add something that someone else may draw from.My history starts from being diagnosed with adolesant depression at ... View more

Hiim new to BB and wanted to share my story. I feel like all your threads have spoken to me in some way or another and so hopefully can add something that someone else may draw from.My history starts from being diagnosed with adolesant depression at 11 and being on meds most of my life. I more recently took them up again after an affair and also losing my brother to suicide a few yrs ago and found i couldnt cope. My drinking and drug use got out of control in an attempt to self medicate and then my other brother died from a heart attack due to long term drug abuse. This only pushed my own abuse into overdrive. More recently i have attended drug and alcohol detox and am on my 22nd day of sobriety. Realising its a long hard road to come back from all the anguish i have inflicted upon myself. I am now trialing my 3rd different anti d in the last month and am scared andtired of the self loathing and being in my own company. I havent recovered from the deaths of my siblings nor the daily self punishment for my past/current actions. I feel like im losing grip. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Suze005 How do I deal with the loss of my 2nd Child, to what I believe, suicide.......
  • replies: 4

I lost my eldest son in 1997 to suicide, now I have just lost my eldest daughter to what I feel is the same. We have to wait for 6 mths for toxicology results as her autopsy was deemed inconclusive. I dont know how to feel or what to do After my son ... View more

I lost my eldest son in 1997 to suicide, now I have just lost my eldest daughter to what I feel is the same. We have to wait for 6 mths for toxicology results as her autopsy was deemed inconclusive. I dont know how to feel or what to do After my son died, it raised all my grief from a miscarriage I suffered about 5 years earlier, and this in turn made me all clucky and I desperately wanted to have another baby. I was just 40 and although my marriage was rocky, we had not just 1 but 2 then 3 more kids, with an oppsy at 45......... At the same time my daughter was also grieving for her brother but had met her partner and they too were having a family, so we alternated having babies for the next few years with both of us having our last 1 week apart in 2003. Soon after my marriage ended. After some years a rift happened with my daughter and I still don't know why, but she moved to qld with her partner and kids.(my grand-kids) Until last week I hadn't seen her or the kids for about 7 years, it was her choice to cut us out and try as I might she refused to have any contact with us whatsoever. It has been really hard trying to deal with the loss of those years and the loss of her. With friends relaying her recent posts on FB the state of mind she was in led me to believe her. I don't know if what I am feeling is self pity or the right amount of grief, I have my kids I have to look after alone, they have no (or very little) contact with their father, so I have to be there for them as well, and life, work, everything I am responsible for is all just too hard right now. I just don't want to do anything. Its all too hard.

Jo3 Anniversary of niece's death
  • replies: 2

This week is one year that my beautiful mixed up niece, at age 23, took her own life. I reflect back to all those years of no contact with her or her parents and it is very sad. I feel sad of the loss that we didn't get to see her for quite a long ti... View more

This week is one year that my beautiful mixed up niece, at age 23, took her own life. I reflect back to all those years of no contact with her or her parents and it is very sad. I feel sad of the loss that we didn't get to see her for quite a long time. She was a lonely girl who just wanted family, wanted her dad - but she never got him; never got to see him. I will remember my niece as a fun loving little girl who used to play with my children down at the beach, making sandcastles and playing in the water. Jo

Torn grieving husband, mother, mother-in-law, children, brothers and sister and myself
  • replies: 4

My husbands father was diagnosed with advanced melanoma 10 weeks ago he passed away 2 weeks ago. The day of his funeral my father died suddenly from a heart attack. I now have a grieving husband, mother, mother-in-law, children, brothers and sister a... View more

My husbands father was diagnosed with advanced melanoma 10 weeks ago he passed away 2 weeks ago. The day of his funeral my father died suddenly from a heart attack. I now have a grieving husband, mother, mother-in-law, children, brothers and sister and myself. As the eldest child I have always been the one everyone can depend upon. While my sister has been wonderful in helping my mum I still feel that this is largely my responsibility. My mother-in-law appears to be coping quite well whereas my mother is not my husband seems also to be coping ok but the amount he is drinking tells me otherwise. I miss my dad terribly. I can't enjoy anything as I keep thinking he should be here doing whatever it is we are doing. I want to cry all day everyday but I do t for fear of upsetting everyone so I leave it till bed time or in the shower. I just don't know what to do first. I can't be everything to everyone and I can't expect to "get over" all of this quickly but I'm just on edge constantly. I can't sleep with everything going through my head and I don't feel I can turn to my husband as he has his own grief to deal with. It's all too much !!!!!!

Stuck14 I'm not ready
  • replies: 11

I watched my grandpa die on September 27 2012 at approximately 11:45am, yet I haven't started grieving. I have completely shut it off. This also means that in turn, I haven't grieved for the loss of my baby on the 7th of April 2014 at approximately 3... View more

I watched my grandpa die on September 27 2012 at approximately 11:45am, yet I haven't started grieving. I have completely shut it off. This also means that in turn, I haven't grieved for the loss of my baby on the 7th of April 2014 at approximately 3:30am. My little angel who would have been 1 this year. I haven't grieved for my beautiful little dog Cadbury who was my fur baby that I had to put down or my other fur baby lily who is in a new an loving home. I haven't grieved for my grandmother who passed on the 2nd of December 2014 at 2:30am an I haven't grieved for the loss of my physical health that has ment I'm physically unable to work, an most days even function on any level.The thing is, it's all starting to bubble to the surface an I can't seem to be able to push it down. I haven't cried since the 26th September 2012. I'm not ready to accept any of this as my reality. I'm not ready to let go

Lily_28_ how do you move on from the pain and the loss of a loved one?
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I have been suffering depression and anxiety for about 5 years now and am new to this forum and the beyond blue experience, tonight I thought I would try something different as I am just struggling to cope at the moment. The usual life stre... View more

Hi there, I have been suffering depression and anxiety for about 5 years now and am new to this forum and the beyond blue experience, tonight I thought I would try something different as I am just struggling to cope at the moment. The usual life stresses of work/life/full time study and a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of almost 3years balance with a mental health condition/s I am also struggling with the loss of my best childhood friend that I suddenly lost almost a year ago. I think about her everyday and miss her more than anything. She was my best friend since we were 7 years old, I am almost 23. We never had any problems in our friendship and it was that one person who knew everything about you and you didnt need to explain when you felt sad or upset because she always knew. At the start she was my main support and as selfish as this sounds I now am unsure who I can fully discuss my pain with as my partner just purely does not fully understand mental health issues even though he is the best support and does listen whenever I need it. People always say it will get easier with time, but does it really? It's already been almost. year and it feels like I lost her yesterday. So much reminds me of her and I know she would want me to life my life to the fullest and be happy, but I feel as though how can I be happy when she is dead? Has anyone been through a similar situation that can offer some of their thoughts or feelings to share please?

Mikej Lonely after wife died
  • replies: 1

I lost my wife in 2011 & I tried to be a carer for her too towards the end (she had diabetes & her organs were failing too), I couldn't stay in the house where we were living so now I'm in a Homeswest unit on my own, gradually after she died I didn't... View more

I lost my wife in 2011 & I tried to be a carer for her too towards the end (she had diabetes & her organs were failing too), I couldn't stay in the house where we were living so now I'm in a Homeswest unit on my own, gradually after she died I didn't get hardly any visitors & I got lonely & no-one to care for. i tried my best but for few years now I've been on oxygen 24/7 due to emphysema (30 cigs a day for 30 years. Haven't smoked for 7 years) now I find it hard to get out of bed sometimes & personal hygiene is very poor, I don't care about my appearance much now. i just want to feel a bit of happiness & enjoy life a bit instead of feeling tired & no get up & go, I used to think alcohol would do it but it didn't. This is my first time on bb

Saska Does anyone else hold on to significant dates for years?
  • replies: 7

Hi All Was wondering if anyone else holds on to significant dates for years and relives the hurt? For example this week three years ago I broke up with my ex so I have had a bad week knowing it was the anniversary of our break up and reliving the pai... View more

Hi All Was wondering if anyone else holds on to significant dates for years and relives the hurt? For example this week three years ago I broke up with my ex so I have had a bad week knowing it was the anniversary of our break up and reliving the pain. Is this a common symptom of depression? How do I put a stop to this and move on?

Ellmo Overwhelmed with grief and pressure
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm a newbie. In a nutshell, I work full-time, study part-time at uni (on campus 1 day + online) and a bit over 2 weeks ago my mother-in-law died suddenly at 52. She had been battling cancer for just over 18 months and was recently told to stop t... View more

Hi, I'm a newbie. In a nutshell, I work full-time, study part-time at uni (on campus 1 day + online) and a bit over 2 weeks ago my mother-in-law died suddenly at 52. She had been battling cancer for just over 18 months and was recently told to stop treatment. She was given 6 months to live, 6 weeks ago. She went on the holiday she'd been planning for ages, had emergency surgery whilst away and was finally 'well' enough to travel home. We thought she was recovering and back with us until Christmastime. A dislodged blood clot suddenly took her life whilst in hospital. She never made it home. We buried her a week ago. Prior to this I was already 'down';trapped and overwhelmed with the pressures of juggling work and school, as well as on-going family issues. I went to the Drs today to get more time off work and she suggested putting me on a Mental Health Plan. This has helped somewhat in the past (I intermittently suffer from anxiety and they were at an all-time high around my wedding 2 years ago), but I just feel like it'll be the same thing: relaxation, breathing techniques, medication discussion (which I am resistant of). I was reminded of this site when I googled 'I can't stop crying', as that is the kind of day I've had. I have assignments due tomorrow (which I've already had an extension for), but I simply cannot organise my thoughts right now. I feel numb outside, but my heart is physically hurting inside and I feel alone. I feel guilty, weak, stupid and confused at the intensity of my emotions. What about my husband? He cannot deal with seeing emotions, especially me crying as I am the 'strong type'. He becomes miffed and walks away. His way of dealing with his mother's death is to seclude himself in the shed, whilst 'getting on with it'. He is also planning a week away to see (our) friends, without me. All of this I know he needs to do- and it's his way of grieving, but I can't help but feel unsupported by him- then I feel guilty for those thoughts, guilty for taking our mother's death so hard- afterall, she wasn't MY mum, yet I feel her loss has magnified the 'down' feelings I was already having. I feel like I cannot turn to friends as grief makes people uncomfortable and although people say 'I'm there for you', it's really a token. I guess I will see what the psych says. In the meantime I feel sick about how far behind I am at uni- not just with assignments, but school work also. If I cannot do my best I don't want to do it.

Fletch2014 advice on long term grieving
  • replies: 3

Hi I had a good friend of mine kill himself 17 years ago(I was 17 at the time as well) and his death still hurts me. I haven't really talked to anyone about it before apart from my wife. I was wondering if I should talk to his parents about him as hi... View more

Hi I had a good friend of mine kill himself 17 years ago(I was 17 at the time as well) and his death still hurts me. I haven't really talked to anyone about it before apart from my wife. I was wondering if I should talk to his parents about him as his death so I can finally put it to rest or is taking to them a bad idea.