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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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PinkDiamonds25 My uncle committed suicide last Tuesday.
  • replies: 4

Okay, so this is a bit of a yucky post..I'm just feeling so confronted by all of this.my father suffers from depression and anxiety, so does my older brother and so do I.there seems to be more and more "family history" of it all popping up as we go o... View more

Okay, so this is a bit of a yucky post..I'm just feeling so confronted by all of this.my father suffers from depression and anxiety, so does my older brother and so do I.there seems to be more and more "family history" of it all popping up as we go on..basically as I was the first one to be diagnosed with mental illness, at that time there was no recorded family history of it anywhere.no one really understood my condition (which I am still struggling with on and off 5 years later), my family doesn't seem to take it seriously.since my diagnosis, my brother contemplated taking his own life (he went so far to write a will) but seems to have recovered now, my father came out with some sort of psychosis and we had to have him involuntarily treated in a hospital earlier this year.. He's living with my grandmother now and was on the path to recovery..until last Tuesday anyway..his brother (my uncle) seemed to pretty much "spontaneously" commit suicide..I just don't get it..Last Monday he put my dad and his name down to play bowls for Wednesday, then had some kind of argument with his wife on the Monday night. By Tuesday morning he called in sick from work for the day, called his doctor and made an appointment, but suicided before the appointment.What pushes someone to end it all so spontaneously?the family is devastated and I just can't get it off my mind.. I wasn't really close to my uncle, I guess I'm more upset because the family is so upset.funeral is this Thursday and I'm not sure if I can bring myself to go because the family is all pretty close except me. I feel like the odd one out.beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

PurpleFairy93 It's been 1.5 years and I am still heavily grieving after the death of my mum.
  • replies: 4

I'm 21, my mum had been physically sick with a whole range of illnesses my whole life which I believe led to her also being what I assume was heavily depressed and even for lack of a better word, mental. also, we never really knew everything that was... View more

I'm 21, my mum had been physically sick with a whole range of illnesses my whole life which I believe led to her also being what I assume was heavily depressed and even for lack of a better word, mental. also, we never really knew everything that was going on with her because neither her or her doctor would tell us and she was always bitter or sleeping which made it very hard to communicate effectively with her. i cared for her a lot whilst growing up but I never realized I became relatively desensitized to her suffering because I was around it so much. I said many many hurtful things to her. I know now that I was taking my stress from her out on her, and she had lived for so long being so sick, my family and I naively got used to an idea that she was always going to live. Even the week she died we knew it was imminent but we didn't know how to react and she refused any help and had half lost her mind by that stage, so we kind have just went about our week relatively normally knowing she was likely to die any day then.. A thought which we had been having for years but was so much more real at that stage. it has been 1.5 years since her death and I live with heavy guilt every single day and night. I used to be so positive and now it's like there's no point. My siblings don't feel the same as we all have different experiences of relationships with her and I hate bringing it up to them because I don't want them to feel bad. I've always been the strong one who has been there for others and never asked for help. i feel like I will never heal because you can't change the past and I can't take back the horrible things I said to her. No amount of positive words or affirmations or self forgiveness has helped at all. what can I do? I try talking to her spirit, I've been to psychics, I've written to her in my diary etc. but I feel no change. Thank you

jtz Feeling alone... Now realise I'm not the only one
  • replies: 10

After reading some posts this morning, I realise I am not alone in my depression. Today has been a bad one, I now see many of you out there, like me, are still struggling with loss years later. I lost my mother to suicide; my partner in a car acciden... View more

After reading some posts this morning, I realise I am not alone in my depression. Today has been a bad one, I now see many of you out there, like me, are still struggling with loss years later. I lost my mother to suicide; my partner in a car accident; and recently one of my closest friends. 3 women I was very close with. Guilt. Anger. Questions of why me? Weren't you happy enough taking one special person from me? Why three? Some days I cruise along, smiling, working, not sharing what is happening in my head. It's not cool for us guys to show emotion. Suicidal thoughts? Sometimes. Anniversaries are always so hard. Birthdays. Christmas. I randomly came across this site today. After reading many posts with others describing their struggle to deal with the loss of loved ones, I can now see I am not alone. I feel for all of you struggling with the horrible emotional roller coaster we ride every day. Is there a group which meet together to talk these things through? I have tried the GP. I have tried the shrink. Sometimes I just need someone to listen to me talk and cry out.

Feeling_Sad Grieving loss of someone else's child I never knew, but reminds me so much of my own child.
  • replies: 2

With over 40 years of being a fairly happy female and never having really had much to do with grief, I have recently been confronted with the death of someone else's child I don't even know and never met through social media (Facebook). It has broken... View more

With over 40 years of being a fairly happy female and never having really had much to do with grief, I have recently been confronted with the death of someone else's child I don't even know and never met through social media (Facebook). It has broken my heart, and I feel like my life is crumbling around me. I was just a light user of Facebook, but over the last couple of months, friends have shared stories of other parents' Community Facebook pages of their own children recently having died of cancer. They continue their Facebook pages as a way of grieving. Not knowing much about childhood cancer, I read through their stories and the mothers' constant updates throughout their journey, their photos, even the ones closer to their child dying - so confronting for me. I was coping ok with them, although I was feeling different about life as I knew it, and then I read about a beautiful little 6 yr girl who only died only a few weeks ago from soft tissue cancer, and she reminds me so much of my 5 yr old daughter. I am totally devastated by reading about the pain this little girl endured for over 2 years, and every photo she has a smile on her face, and then her final days in extreme pain, and now her mother's painful grief. I can't stop thinking about the little girl and her mother and feel guilty if I try to return to my family's happy and healthy life. I constantly cry, can't eat, don't want to face life and feel like I will never be the same person I was once before. I keep going back to her Facebook page as her mother updates most days, and the only good thing about it all is that she died in the arms of her mum and with medical supervision. But, why can't I get over this? Why do I need to revisit her Facebook page? Many friends have said stop reading it, but I feel like her mum might post something beautiful up and I will miss it. I have started to see a psychologist to try and find out what went wrong with me, and she thinks I may be suffering from Vicarious Trauma, which is more related to Health Professionals dealing with constant trauma. There isn't much on the internet about social media and the effects it can have on us. Is it this little girl triggered something in me as she reminds me of my daughter, or is it that I can't cope with all these sad stories on Facebook and the internet, news etc.

dam i am struggling
  • replies: 3

my little brother died by suicide a few days before christmas in 2012. it was the hardest thing i have ever experienced. not just my own pain but seeing how crushed my mum and dad werejust left me so heartbroken. we were always fighting as kids and t... View more

my little brother died by suicide a few days before christmas in 2012. it was the hardest thing i have ever experienced. not just my own pain but seeing how crushed my mum and dad werejust left me so heartbroken. we were always fighting as kids and teens but we became good mates later in his life. i would stop by his house on my walk home from work and we would have a few cones and watch tv and just talk about what ever was on tv or in the news.they day i knew he died i was at work. my dad had called me that morning quite irate. he couldnt get in contact with my brother and was getting scared. i assumed he was over reacting as parents do.then i saw a news article on facebook about a man who was my brothers age who had died on my brothers street. it was him, not that i was sure at the time but i can admitt in hindsight im pretty sure i was in denial. i read the article, absorbed it and went back to work. i told myself i was stupid to think it was him. my mum called me a bit later and said she was worried about my dad, he had stopped in at her place on the way down to my brothers and she said he was really agitated. i told mum not to worry and that ben was fine, i even told her about the article i read that day and laughed about the coincidence that a man the same age on the same street died. i cant get over how stupid i was, everyone was telling me something was wrong but i just.. i dont even know what the term is.. blocked it out isnt sufficient. it was just.. it wasnt like i felt like i knew it was him and i was blocking myself from thinking it. i just didnt think it. i had all the facts but that last mental domino just didnt clink downwards. so much so i just went to lunch like normal. i bought red rooster.during my drive my phone rang but i couldnt find it so i let the blutooth answer it. it was my other little brother. i told him he would have to speak up cos i was driving and on speaker. "ben died, mum said can you come home?". in that moment everything clicked and i just looked at myself thinking... you ...... it was so obvious. and i had really said all that stupid stuff to my mum and dad... joking about a guy my bros age on his street of like 12 houses dying the day before... my mind just cracked a little that day and i dont think its come right since.

cuddlegoth My son
  • replies: 5

Hi i lost my son 12 years ago i am finding it hard to cope with the loss i havent had any help in the past i feel i need to talk to some one about this

Hi i lost my son 12 years ago i am finding it hard to cope with the loss i havent had any help in the past i feel i need to talk to some one about this

__kit Sisters loss
  • replies: 2

I'm having a difficult time dealing with the upcoming anniversary or my sisters passing. Two years ago I lost my sister to her 5 year battle with breast cancer. She passed away on my birthday. The trauma of the event has been extremely difficult as I... View more

I'm having a difficult time dealing with the upcoming anniversary or my sisters passing. Two years ago I lost my sister to her 5 year battle with breast cancer. She passed away on my birthday. The trauma of the event has been extremely difficult as I find it hard to talk to anyone about the way I feel. My mother makes the situation much more difficult as she has picked up post traumatic issues with paranoia. My feeling have been pushed towards the back and I am constantly made to feel as though my pain is not adequate enough in comparison to 'a mother losing a child'. I struggle with an eating disorder and have been for the past 8 years. I feel as though I an spiralling downwards and I cannot sleep at night due to my depression. I need help with how to cope?

Scargill Sudden death of my husband who had Dementia.
  • replies: 4

It is now almost 7 weeks since my husband was found neardeath on the floor of the Dementia Specific Unit he was in. He died soon after. The DR thinks it was possibly a massive heart attack. But they don't know for sure. He had been in the Unit for ab... View more

It is now almost 7 weeks since my husband was found neardeath on the floor of the Dementia Specific Unit he was in. He died soon after. The DR thinks it was possibly a massive heart attack. But they don't know for sure. He had been in the Unit for about 2 months & prior to that in a low care facility ( at the same place ) for about 20 months. I had written here before as I was very depressed. My daughter was able to come home from Canada for what turned out to be 5 weeks which was really good for both of us. She has found losing her dad so suddenly very hard. She is now back in Canada & I guess I am now finding that the strength I had to have for her is goin' missin'. I am getting so down, tearful & depressed again ( not suicidally yet thank God ) that I am finding it very hard. Now I know that tears are okay. I know that grief is okay. But the fact that my husband was the only person I had ever been out with, trusted & wasn't scared of is coming back to haunt me I guess. Yes, I was assaulted as a kid & a young person & so was very scared of men. Until I met my husband.He had been my rock for 45 years. I miss him so. I guess I just want to hear that it's okay Ellen. And don't be afraid to ask for help.

Namu 15 years ago a very good friend of mine took her life and I didn't get to say goodbye
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I just signed up today. I was feeling pretty good until a few days ago. I have my anxious days but there's always a reason for it - uni stress usually. But I read an excerpt of anacquaintances upcoming book at 1am on a freezing night and it's... View more

Hi all, I just signed up today. I was feeling pretty good until a few days ago. I have my anxious days but there's always a reason for it - uni stress usually. But I read an excerpt of anacquaintances upcoming book at 1am on a freezing night and it's been my undoing. The book is about drug addiction and the piece I read was about a suicide attempt. (Which she was brought back from). 15 years ago a very good friend of mine took her life. She wasn't fortunate enough to be in a public place. She had gone through treatment, rehab and detox during the time I knew her. She decided to move out of the city so we wrote letters and I visited her twice. She was going to meetings and seemed in a good place. But the letters stopped and I couldn't call her. I finally called her mum three months later to find out she had died a week after I last saw her. I didn't get to saygoodbye at the funeral, I just had I get on with things. It was very sad and weird. But I did get over it. Until I read that piece of a book. As it's all back again. This week I've teared up at everything. Had a stupid altercation with my stupid neighbour / landlord so home sucks too. My gf is away, my children are with their dad until tonight. I feel lazy and miserable and kinda pathetic right now. thanks for letting me just write that out. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Bella_Louise A lot of Grieving Going On
  • replies: 4

I am Grieving for the relationship I had with my Brother after he severed all ties with me due to my apparent betrayal of him I am Grieving for the Father I never knew and will never know now I am Grieving for my lost innocence and childhood after be... View more

I am Grieving for the relationship I had with my Brother after he severed all ties with me due to my apparent betrayal of him I am Grieving for the Father I never knew and will never know now I am Grieving for my lost innocence and childhood after being continually abused by my step father I am Grieving for what could have been and the opportunities lost. When you grieve for someone who has passed over, it is so very final but doesn't hurt any less. What I am finding so difficult is the grief is overwhelming. It feels like someone has died but without the finality of attending a funeral or celebration of their life.