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Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Maffu Missing mum
  • replies: 2

Hello im am completely new to this, i havnt been able to open up to anyone. ​2 months ago my mother passed away from cancer no suger coating she died scared and in alot of pain, i cannot even put into words how helpless and worthless i feel not being... View more

Hello im am completely new to this, i havnt been able to open up to anyone. ​2 months ago my mother passed away from cancer no suger coating she died scared and in alot of pain, i cannot even put into words how helpless and worthless i feel not being able to help her. Ive lost my mum, the person who was always there for me always listened to me loved me no matter what happened. i also have just currently lost my home my pet dog and cat, i feel like im still stuck in shock with moments of intense sobbing that last for hours. I feel so lost and alone ( i know im not i have my 3 best friends helping me) but i cannot shake this feeling and open up to them i keep rejecting everything. So im asking everyone please Please tell me your story of what it was like and how you broke out of that bubble of depression, fear and negativity. I need your help ​

Rea Is it normal to feel loss and grief like this?
  • replies: 1

Five years ago my dad died and it took me a long time to come to terms with it. We had a sometimes turbulent relationship during my childhood but we had finally gotten to best place we'd ever been and I was considering moving interstate to care for h... View more

Five years ago my dad died and it took me a long time to come to terms with it. We had a sometimes turbulent relationship during my childhood but we had finally gotten to best place we'd ever been and I was considering moving interstate to care for him but unfortunately that of course never happened. I cried so hard every day for a month that I gave myself intense headaches and even threw up sometimes. Normal? I thought so at the time as did my then-counsellor. After all, death is traumatic. After a couple of months I was able to live day to day without breaking down, though he still has crossed my mind literally every day since, mostly happy memories. So after getting a grip of my feelings of guilt and regret, this past month everything has come undone. I am suddenly having dreams about him every week which I haven't experienced since the year he passed. The other morning I was dreaming of him and as I woke, before I even opened my eyes, I began to cry. I lay in bed bawling and howling for what felt like an hour. I have dreams of him expressing disappointment in me or I'll dream that I see him in public but he ignores me. I wasn't always the best daughter and I am now having reoccurring feelings of intense guilt and self loathing. How can I go from being at peace with it to suddenly dreaming of him constantly and hating myself all over again? I don't know why I'm writing this here but I'm hoping somebody else who has experienced the loss of a parent might have some insight. Waking up and feeling like he died just yesterday isn't great considering I have finally been getting a handle on my depression and anxiety. This has all come out of the blue and it's overwhelming me to the point where all my old thoughts of self harm have resurfaced. Am I being dramatic? I opened up to a friend about it last week and told her about the past month and was met with "you should be over it by now" which I understand but suddenly I'm not over it anymore. How is that even possible? When I was on the bus yesterday I was just looking out the window and thought I saw him. For a split second I was 100% convinced it was him but then reality hit me and I felt like an idiot. Five years and that happened....it that abnormal? I don't even want to sleep tonight in case I dream of him again.

TragicDogma Grief, loss and other traumatic events
  • replies: 5

Hi there, I'm not sure if this is where I should start but Grief and Loss has led me to the position I'm in now. I have recently lost the person I thought was my soul mate and life love, not only that but because they know they are in the wrong they ... View more

Hi there, I'm not sure if this is where I should start but Grief and Loss has led me to the position I'm in now. I have recently lost the person I thought was my soul mate and life love, not only that but because they know they are in the wrong they have become somewhat psychotic. I'm dealing with a myriad of lies and harassment being thrown at me and I'm on such an emotional rollercoaster I don't know what to do with myself. I guess my main questions at the moment are, Is it possible to *develop* split/multiple personalities, Is it possible to develop them by choice, and what are the psychological effects? Sometimes I want to shut everything out so much, feel I'm under so much stress, pressure and pain, that I am able to shut everything off and become someone else for short periods of time, its basically still me but minus any background or history, if that makes sense...? I'm just existing. I have created an alias for myself, well 2, but they are online presences only and don't have any 'life' so to say. But there are times when I feel like I want to switch to BEING that person for periods of time. I have a very broad personality, like I'm not the same around everyone (I know that's pretty normal for most), but there are parts of me I feel like I would like to section out, like becoming 2 or 3 different people dependant on situation. For example when I'm around others I want to be the happy laughing fun me, when I'm alone I want to become the serious devoted author, and at work I want to be the standard unfeeling corporate drone to get through each day. So... Is it possible, and really is it healthy...?

Sarah8 Depression, grieving and maintaining a healthy relationship
  • replies: 3

help!! I have recently lost my dad, im planning my wedding and im suffering from depression. i need help and don't want it to affect my relationship with my fiance. i told him last night that I didn't love him which isn't true only because I was so s... View more

help!! I have recently lost my dad, im planning my wedding and im suffering from depression. i need help and don't want it to affect my relationship with my fiance. i told him last night that I didn't love him which isn't true only because I was so sad and angry that it just came out. i feel really bad and didn't mean it and need help with this all!!

Jenjen91 Stillborn son and struggling with my loss
  • replies: 1

Hi anyone in new here so please bare with me. in April this year I lost my only child at 24 weeks gestation due to a rare condition. Im really struggling I've gone through good and bad moments but by far this is the worst. from the moment I the dr to... View more

Hi anyone in new here so please bare with me. in April this year I lost my only child at 24 weeks gestation due to a rare condition. Im really struggling I've gone through good and bad moments but by far this is the worst. from the moment I the dr told me my son would not make it I have felt empty and cold. I have no affection or love for anyone anymore.and I dream about my son constantly. i dnt understand how my life went from so perfect to so bad in a matter of a few hours, my life really took a bad turn the day I walked out of the hospital with empty arms and know I was walking away from my son and my heart, leaving him at the hospital and there was nothing I could do. I will never forget driving out of the city heading home that night I was discharge driving away from the city lights into the country darkness saying goodbye to my lil boy. I have no purpose in life anymore I failed my son and I knew that the moment I delivered him and held him he was so perfect and looked so pieceful as though he knew I was his mummy. But really rips my guts of is that he passed away while I was actually delivering him. I felt him moving just before the dr told me it was time to push. im really in a bad place and have a lot of pressure. My husband has 2 children to his ex who he doesn't see because of me and our late son. (His ex hates me and the fact that we had a child) so he doesn't see them. thanks for listening feel free to share your story's or nice comments keep the bad comments quiet plz

CT0211 How Do I Move Forward?
  • replies: 2

In June of 2014 I moved to Australia to be with my fiance--leaving my family and friends in east coast of the states. I left knowing that my mother's ongoing battle with addiction wasn't improving. My biggest fear when leaving was that something woul... View more

In June of 2014 I moved to Australia to be with my fiance--leaving my family and friends in east coast of the states. I left knowing that my mother's ongoing battle with addiction wasn't improving. My biggest fear when leaving was that something would happen to my mom while I was away. That fear came true on Easter morning when I woke up to a phone call from my father and brothers telling me that my mother had passed away. Since that day my heart has been broken and is nowhere near healed. I went back to the states with my partner for the services and came back 3 weeks later to continue my life in Australia. A month and a half later my partner and I had split and I decided to stay in Australia on my own. The past 5 months have been a constant struggle. Feeling every emotion possible--all at a heightened level. Whenever I feel like I've taken 2 steps forward I find myself going backwards again. I realised in this time period that grief isn't just about death--it's about loss. I lost two things, my mom and my relationship. I lost the two most important people in my life and I feel that no one around me gets it at all. On the surface I seem OK for the most part, people can't see the pain that I'm going through but the pain is so significant and it's not getting easier. I find that I can't talk to anyone to TRULY tell them about my pain. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't find the words. I can't even figure it out myself.

Lost66 I lost the love of my love 7 weeks ago and am feeling very lost
  • replies: 5

I lost my husband 7 weeks ago, although he was ill his death was very sudden, we had been together for 32 years. My hubby was 52 when he passed away. He was my best friend and the love of my life, I am feeling very lost without him. I know people say... View more

I lost my husband 7 weeks ago, although he was ill his death was very sudden, we had been together for 32 years. My hubby was 52 when he passed away. He was my best friend and the love of my life, I am feeling very lost without him. I know people say give it time but for me the pain is more now than when he first passed. The hardest things I have found are not having someone to share your life with, to hold hands and cuddle. The little things that I guess we all take for granted, going out instead of two their is now only one. How do people get over their grief? We have two beautiful children who are older and who have also been traumatised by the passing of my hubby so I try to be strong in front of them but I am finding this harder and harder to do. Does anyone have any advice, I guess I am hoping that others will be able to share their stories and that maybe this will help me to understand grief.

prinka Lost without my man
  • replies: 5

My partner and I got engaged last year and in that moment life felt perfect. After a terrible argument early this year , we split up. I was very angry and though my heart craved for him, I refused to speak to him. He tried really hard - emailing regu... View more

My partner and I got engaged last year and in that moment life felt perfect. After a terrible argument early this year , we split up. I was very angry and though my heart craved for him, I refused to speak to him. He tried really hard - emailing regularly to me - to win me back. Then one fine day cops came around to tell me that he was found dead at his home. We don't know if it was drugs or a heart attack. He was found after 12 days Its been six months and I am still grappling with it. Breaks my heart every time I think my babe was dead for 12 days. the year held so much promise for us and the last 7 months have been in a nightmare. I miss him so much that it overwhelms me.

Kiten 2 losses in 1 month and trying to pull myself together
  • replies: 5

At the start of October I lost my uncle. He and I were very close until this year and while I mourned his death I think I was coping ok. I know this was partly because I had so much to do following his death but also because my best friend was there ... View more

At the start of October I lost my uncle. He and I were very close until this year and while I mourned his death I think I was coping ok. I know this was partly because I had so much to do following his death but also because my best friend was there to support me even though he was on the other side of the world. 2 days after I buried my uncle, my best friend disappeared. This was someone I spoke to online or via phone calls multiple times a day, after a week of worry his son called me to let me know he had passed away from a heart attack (just 48) the day he disappeared from my life. with the news of his death I have literally fallen apart and hiss loss hurts so much more then that of my uncles. I feel guilty that this has hurt me more and I find myself even after 3 weeks not being able to cope. I loved my friend and now find that without ever realising it he infiltrated a lot of my life. Certain times of the day are hard now, for example- we always talked at 8:30pm every night before he went to work. And I find myself reaching for my phone at these times without thinking or expecting the phone to ring. I get angry at myself doing this and often just curl up and cry. im trying so hard to distract myself during these times and I am failing miserably my partner is worried, he thinks I was unable to get closure by not going to the funeral and worried that since my bestfriend was my go to person for most things that I don't have the support I need to get through this. (He feels he isn't enough). I know eventually I'm going to be ok. But now im not only trying to remind myself not to expect the phone to ring etc and break the habits I've spent 15 years doing with my bestfriend but I'm trying to force myself back together to ease the burden this is placing on my partner. I suppose I'm looking for advice not just with coping mechanisms but of ways I can better deal (work through?) this loss without my usual support, instead of burdening just 1 person with everything

Living57 My husband passed away on 16th September
  • replies: 6

My husband passed away on 16th September, I found him, in our lounge room, collapsed on the floor. I thought that he had fallen and hit his head, but when I moved his arm there was no response, I think I knew he was dead, but called 000 and did cpr a... View more

My husband passed away on 16th September, I found him, in our lounge room, collapsed on the floor. I thought that he had fallen and hit his head, but when I moved his arm there was no response, I think I knew he was dead, but called 000 and did cpr and mouth-to-mouth until help arrived. It was awful. Probably the worst thing I have ever experienced. I thank God for my kids (all adults) who were with me as soon as they could. I am grateful for the friends who have rallied around me. It hasnt been long, I realise that, but I am so lonely. I cry so much and when I think I can't cry any more the tears come again. I wander around the house lost. I don't know where to turn. I am seeing my psych more at the moment that ever before. I take my meds, more aware of how much I need them now. But I find coping on a day to day basis so hard. And the anger, it is so intense. I let people see only a part of me, they dont see the loneliness, the hurt and pain, the depression that is worse than ever. I try not to let people in to my empty world, I pretend all is ok and I am getting on with life, when in reality I am not. My step daughters (both adults) want to come and go through their fathers stuff, I have said no, they dont understand that I need to do it in my own time, when I am ready. They tell me I am selfish, but I need time with what I have left of him, and that is just his material possessions. I dont know what is right or wrong with regards his things. We had been together 15 years. It wasnt a lifetime in some peoples lives, but it was our life time. I am scared of being alone and I am scared of how this is affecting my depression and bi=polar. Its funny people always tell me I am a strong person, but I am not. I am not coping and don't know where to turn. The loss is so immense, part of me wishes I was with with him, not that I am suicidal, just lonely and lost. My children tell me to call anytime, but I don't want to burden them. I wonder where I am heading now, what do I do with my days, how do I continue on. He was my world, we did everything together and I am just broken. Have you experienced what I am going through? How did you cope? How did you get through? Life seems so unfair, we had just moved to a new house, we had made plans. So lost, so lonely, so angry, so heart broken, so depressed, so very very sad