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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Kizzels Five weeks after my stepfather died my son passed away
  • replies: 6

Hi, I am new to forums and this is my first ever post. I'm not sure what I am hoping for but two years ago I lost my mum very quickly and unexpectedly. Then in January this year mum's husband passed away. His death stired up the loss of mum again and... View more

Hi, I am new to forums and this is my first ever post. I'm not sure what I am hoping for but two years ago I lost my mum very quickly and unexpectedly. Then in January this year mum's husband passed away. His death stired up the loss of mum again and I thought losing mum was the hardest lost I would ever have to endure - I was wrong! Five weeks after my stepfather died my son passed away. That phone call was my worse nightmare coming true and after the autopsy to find out his death could have been prevented if the people he was staying with would have called for medical assistance makes it all that much worse. I am trying to find a balance with my youngest son, I am trying to not smother him but I don't want him to feel as though I am not always there for him either. Myself, I am totally lost and can't find any enthusiasm to do anything and have been off work since my son died. If anyone has gone through something similar or even lost a child, I could really use any words of wisdom. I feel like I'm in a downward spiral and can't seem to get a grip on my way down. I know my life has changed forever and I am not ever going to be the same person but I don't know how to get through this. My children have always been my life.

Emma_1 struggling
  • replies: 5

Hi Im new to this for the first time in over 20 years I feel totally alone my husband died and left me with 2 great kids but lately I find it hard to cope I miss my friends and have no one to talk to can anyone help me?

Hi Im new to this for the first time in over 20 years I feel totally alone my husband died and left me with 2 great kids but lately I find it hard to cope I miss my friends and have no one to talk to can anyone help me?

Autumn_Leaves Pregnancy loss & Possibility of cancer.
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone,This is my very first post here. I decided to come here, because i feel so lost right now. I literally feel numb, i cry all the time, i can't sleep properly.A little about my background: I was diagnosed with severe depression in November ... View more

Hi everyone,This is my very first post here. I decided to come here, because i feel so lost right now. I literally feel numb, i cry all the time, i can't sleep properly.A little about my background: I was diagnosed with severe depression in November 2010, and was on medication. I felt fine, and i believe that it was really helping me to recover. However, i found out that i was pregnant in Feb 2011. I had to stop my anti-d's due to high risk of heart defects in the baby. So i stopped, and i managed to cope somehow.After she was born, i was fine. Fast forward to 2013, we became pregnant with our second. My world came crashing down when our 12 week test came back as positive for trisomy 21 (downs). We decided not to terminate, and we waited until our baby was born. She was born without trisomy 21.It's now 2016, and we decided to start trying for our 3rd baby in late 2015. We fell pregnant in march 2016, and had all the usual tests. All was good. I had my first scan on April the 1st, and they discovered a molar pregnancy. I had a d&c on April the 4th, and I've been having weekly blood tests since then to measure my beta hcg levels. They found a 12 week old baby when the d&c was performed, we thought we were only 7 weeks along; so we decided to cremate the baby.With a molar pregnancy, you need to have regular tests to make sure the hcg levels are coming down. If not, it can be a sign of retained tissue, persistent gestational trophoblastic disease (which needs chemo) or choriocarcinoma (Spreads to the lungs, and other organs. also needs chemo)So not only had we lost our baby, we found out that our baby was older; and we also had a risk of developing cancer. Losing your baby is bad enough, let alone finding out that you may have cancer.My levels were dropping like they were meant to, until may the 1st. From 979 they jumped to 2800, on may the 9th they jumped to 8,000. I'm devastated, i just want to feel better again; be better again. I feel like with everything that has been going on, I've not had a chance to grieve properly.I feel angry. Angry that the d&c was done blindly (not with ultrasound, due to not being "cost effective"), upset that i'll probably have to go in for surgery again. Frustrated with my body. I can't look at a baby, or be around one without getting upset. I don't want to go to family events, because people in the family are trying for babies. It's like a slap in the face, a reminder of what i lost.

MaybeINeedHelp Losing my mom and feeling like those closest to me dont understand
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone. First, i'm so sincerely sorry for the pain you feel/have felt/continue to feel at the loss of a loved one and the fallout (with family) that seems to follow. I've read a a few threads and for the first time in many weeks feel like I a... View more

Hello everyone. First, i'm so sincerely sorry for the pain you feel/have felt/continue to feel at the loss of a loved one and the fallout (with family) that seems to follow. I've read a a few threads and for the first time in many weeks feel like I am amongst people to truly understand what its like. I lost my mom very suddenly on the 10th of April. My parents live overseas and I saw her in December - she seemed well at the time. When I rushed back home in April things were very different. She had an emergency surgery that hadnt gone well, she was on life support and heavily sedated for the pain. We lost her a week later without ever having had a chance to say goodbye. The guilt I feel for not being there for her in her last conscious moments is extreme. Having to leave my father all by himself was no less difficult. My husband has been incredibly supportive, as have many close friends but no one has experienced grief or loss - most times I feel there is an expectation that I will "shrug it off" and feel better. I sometimes feel that I am failing to do what is expected of me. And, I'm having real trouble with my in-laws. My husband's mother and sister expect me to be normal - becuause I lived away from my mom and only saw her infrequently they think I couldnt possibly have cared for her very much and dont understand when I am sad to have lost her. When my husband has tried to explain my need to distance myself from them for a while (because who can take the feeling of being judged and found wanting when they are at their lowest point?) they have retaliated and said that I'm a bad influence on the family and that I am taking my husband away from them. I'm floored by it all. Up until my mother's death I've had an amicable relationship with my in-laws; we've helped each other out often. So I dont understand why they seem to have turned on me. I dont know if I'm over-reacting or whether I've done something wrong by them. My mother was an incredibly strong woman - I miss her encouragement and support every day. I feel so let down by the people I thought would help me through her loss. What can I do?

Neil_1 A message to my Mum - left this world ONE year ago :( :(
  • replies: 15

Dear Mum You were always there for me. Through thick and thin and wow we sure had some troubles. When I was so young, the amount of times I cried for you when you had to leave the hospital that I was in; you left and headed off in the dark, to catch ... View more

Dear Mum You were always there for me. Through thick and thin and wow we sure had some troubles. When I was so young, the amount of times I cried for you when you had to leave the hospital that I was in; you left and headed off in the dark, to catch a bus to where your parents lived. So many trips to Sydney back and forth, for operations, for check-ups – all to see how my lip was recovering and determining for when the next operation would be. 10 operations in all – can’t count the amount of trips to Sydney; but you were there with me every step of the way. You also had those two awful bouts of breast cancer, together with all the treatment. Then Dad with his two heart operations – for the 2nd one, I went to Sydney to be with you (and Dad) . Every time Dad was admitted to hospital, you’d be there with him, by his bed-side. In 1991, you had to bury your beloved son – which I know you (we) never got over; how could we? Something just impossible to do and from that tragedy, that killed off so much within all of us. Your son, my brother – there could have been 2 drownings that day, but oh no, I was able to save myself, but I couldn’t save my best mate, my bro; drowned at the age of 29. Yet you never blamed me, you always stood by me and tried your best to make sure I was ok. I wasn’t – but then, neither were you (or Dad). Move to 2007 and we lost Dad to leukaemia – and you were then without your life partner; your soul mate – Dad. You were a beautiful couple. I cannot ever recall a fight between the two of you – Dad the laid-back farmer, and you were his wonderful wife, our wonderful Mum, who had to struggle through farm hardships and never having much money, but as kids, we didn’t want for nothing. Mum, it’s coming up to a year since you’ve gone. 365 days; almost what they call a year in our human existence – that you’ve no longer been with us. I cannot tell you the amount of times during this time that I have wanted to call you, to talk to you, to say “hi”, to see “how you are”? I write this now with tears streaming down my face. I miss you Mum. I want to ring you – I want to say “Hi” and I want to tell you I love you. But I can’t do that and I will never be able to do that again. I just feel so sad and empty. I love you Mum – I will love you forever. I miss you Mum and I will never ever stop missing you.

Elizabeth CP Grief for my previous way of life & loss of husband's health
  • replies: 10

There is usually sympathy given when someone loses a loved one but in my case my husband is still alive but we have lost the way of life we previously had. I have had to stop work to care for him. He is blind so going to a movie, playing card or boar... View more

There is usually sympathy given when someone loses a loved one but in my case my husband is still alive but we have lost the way of life we previously had. I have had to stop work to care for him. He is blind so going to a movie, playing card or board games no longer work. We used to enjoy camping, exploring & hiking but now I do all the driving, navigating , packing, setting up camp, cooking cleaning etc so going away is no long the relaxing holiday it was. When walking I am on alert for obstacles such as over hanging branches etc that his cane won't pick up & the more adventurous walks are too difficult to manage. Planning holidays results in disappointments because every one planned over the last 18mths has been foiled by illness or injury. i also miss having his support to do daily tasks Have others dealt with this.

Tup Will it ever seem real
  • replies: 2

I received a call on the 9/2/16, from my dad saying mum was in hospital. Who would have known less than 24hrs later we would have to turn off life support. Mum went into complete kidney and liver failure over night and her organs just shut down on he... View more

I received a call on the 9/2/16, from my dad saying mum was in hospital. Who would have known less than 24hrs later we would have to turn off life support. Mum went into complete kidney and liver failure over night and her organs just shut down on her, my Aunty and myself refused to leave her side, the Drs said there was nothing they could do for her so at 9.55am on the 10/2/16 my father, sisters, aunts and uncle and our children stood around her hospital bed as she passed away 5 mins later. Mum was only 61. We could not cremate her for 9 days due to a autopsy having to be performed. Coroner has been unable to find a cause of death, we have been told it could be a year before we know. Since she died I have had to organise a funeral, then pack up a house that has 20yrs of memories and help my dad move my two sisters are fighting so no help from them. Dad had to move as its to hard for him. When I was going through the house I came across hand written notes that give me the impression that mum knew she was sick and dying. It rips my heart out to think that she had to go through all of that on her own it must have been the most terrifying experience and It eats at me daily that she couldn't tell me, or felt she needed to keep it to herself. I feel like a failure of a daughter. Nothing anyone says makes a difference

Ajn86 Losing a friend/lover
  • replies: 3

Hi, i recentley lost my friend Daniel to suicide. We used to date back when we were 16. We bonded over music and we always had a great laugh together, we got along easily. He returned to my life six months ago and we fell in love. He was recently out... View more

Hi, i recentley lost my friend Daniel to suicide. We used to date back when we were 16. We bonded over music and we always had a great laugh together, we got along easily. He returned to my life six months ago and we fell in love. He was recently out of a marriage and wanted to slow down. We ended up having a chaotic few months as i wanted to date and he didnt. Finally things came together and we began to make plans to start dating. He was having trouble with his ex wife and the parenting of his kids and committed suicide after leaving me an angry voicemail saying i had caused him nothing but pain. After that i lost contact with him and suffered a nervous breakdown/pshycotic episode and was hospitalized. When i was discharged i called him and his best mate to see what had happened and he said he had committed suicide. Im struggling with the loss as we would have such a great time together when we hung out and i saw him as my future. He was the closest id come to love and a relationship since the breakdown of my marriage and i feel alone and wonder how will i ever meet somebody else. I feel isolated and sad that i lost such a great person and old friend.

HelpingHayley Client's Dad passed away- any camps?
  • replies: 1

Hello, I have a client whose dad passed away 5 months ago and he is struggling to emotionally regulate and vocalize his emotions. He tried to attend just a kids camp (nothing specializes) but got sent home due to his disengagement and non compliance ... View more

Hello, I have a client whose dad passed away 5 months ago and he is struggling to emotionally regulate and vocalize his emotions. He tried to attend just a kids camp (nothing specializes) but got sent home due to his disengagement and non compliance to camp rules. Is there any kids/teen camps that might be more suitable for what his going through in Perth, WA?

Marcsa Young Person Gone
  • replies: 2

Hi, I feel so ridiculous. A friend of mine, not that close.... but still. Took his own life yesterday. He was 28. So talented, so good looking, such potential. I'm nearly twice as old as him and have done maybe half as much. It is so senseless. I don... View more

Hi, I feel so ridiculous. A friend of mine, not that close.... but still. Took his own life yesterday. He was 28. So talented, so good looking, such potential. I'm nearly twice as old as him and have done maybe half as much. It is so senseless. I don't know the details of how it happened. There is an enormous outpouring of emotion on Social Media. I am myself depressed about other issues in my life, I have two similarly aged young adult children. My tears for this young man seem so disproportionate. There is nothing I could have done I think, I really don't know. I regret not appreciating the small interactions that I had with him. I wish that this were a joke or some fantasy story that is not the reality. It's very sad. I don't know how to get past this. So much grief flows through my entire life. ( Sounds so pretentious) I didn't want to put these thoughts on other online media, because of the disproportionality. It is a kind of letter to the young man and Cosmos of how I'm thinking.