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Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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feathers Twelve months ago my mum died and I'm still struggling
  • replies: 11

Hi all, 14th of July 2015 , my best friend in this world died. My mum was 66yrs old. We found out in December 2014 two weeks before Xmas that she had cancer. I thought that was the worst day of my life, but when she got an appointment with the oncolo... View more

Hi all, 14th of July 2015 , my best friend in this world died. My mum was 66yrs old. We found out in December 2014 two weeks before Xmas that she had cancer. I thought that was the worst day of my life, but when she got an appointment with the oncologist in late January 2015 we were told it was terminal . She did chemo to buy some time but I feel it didn't really help. I took care of her and never left her side,I was so distraught at the prospect of her dying. I cried every single day ,I tried to be strong but couldn't. Eventually it went to her brain an no more treatment was an option,so she was sent home to die.we had hospice come in when needed. I watched the woman that I loved with every fibre of my being die . I'm 42 years old and I'm severely agarophobic along with other anxiety issues. My brother is 45 and schizophrenic and we both live in our family home. We have no other family, my father has never been part of our lives even tho he is alive and well. In February this year I had a heart attack and was in hospital for three days,the same hospital I spent so much time at with my mum. I begged them to let me die if I had another heart attack, I just want to be with my mum. They sent a psychiatrist to see me in hospital and diagnosed me with major depressive disorder. I feel so alone even tho I know others are going through the same. I am a mess and truly wish everyday I could join my mum. Thanks for listening.

Jillby I lost my mum and am finding it hard to deal with.
  • replies: 5

Hi, I lost my mum suddenly to a heart attack a year ago and I was actually the one to find her in bed. She had been gone for a couple of hours which even in my shock I could comprehend, but regardless I had to follow the 000 instructions and attempt ... View more

Hi, I lost my mum suddenly to a heart attack a year ago and I was actually the one to find her in bed. She had been gone for a couple of hours which even in my shock I could comprehend, but regardless I had to follow the 000 instructions and attempt to resuscitate her until the ambulance arrived. I'm obviously grieving but it's the trauma of this event that is what I find most disturbing. I have the normal things that obviously trigger sad emotions... Anniversarys, birthdays etc but I find that it takes me back to resuscitating her, seeing her lifeless body, not to the loving, joyful memories of her and my child hood. I just relive the emotions of that day. Has anyone else been through something similar? Is this normal? It still haunts me and I think I need to talk about it more. Sometimes it builds up and I end up having an emotional purge... ie: crying/sobbing for hours until I'm exhausted and fall asleep. I do have a loving support network around me but I'm still traumatised by this. I'd like to better understand what's happening to me, maybe if anyone else has experianced this or similar it may help knowing I'm not thinly one. Maybe there's some good advice out there? I hope so.

Tennison Trying to cope
  • replies: 4

I recently lost my mom who I was very close to. We were best friends and shared a lifetime of experiences. Losing her is the toughest experience I have ever had to face. If it was that alone I know I would eventually learn to live with her loss but f... View more

I recently lost my mom who I was very close to. We were best friends and shared a lifetime of experiences. Losing her is the toughest experience I have ever had to face. If it was that alone I know I would eventually learn to live with her loss but for now it is very raw. To complicate my journey I am trying to cope with my husband who had been suffering depression for a long time and has not been able to provide much support. Because of his illness we have almost no friends and family rarely visit. He refuses all help and rarely tells me what he is thinking. I can't lean on him as my not coping is making him worse. I feel quite trapped.

Helpmepleaseee keep losing friends to suicide
  • replies: 3

Ive just lost another close friend of mine and my partners to suicide. A week away from itbeing 1 yearsince another close friends suicide. This is the 6th person i know over a few years to have committed suicide. I have two young children and I feel ... View more

Ive just lost another close friend of mine and my partners to suicide. A week away from itbeing 1 yearsince another close friends suicide. This is the 6th person i know over a few years to have committed suicide. I have two young children and I feel like I can never grieve properly because I dont want to cry infront of them. Does anyone have advice for me? What am i supposed to say to my toddler when we go to his funeral. He is two years old. Why does this keep happening? All males too? How can i help my partner get through this? this is another one of his best friends.

Bec775 Absolutely Lost
  • replies: 4

Hi, First post & brand new to this. It's been 10 yrs since the death of the one I mourn for but although its a but easier, its still a struggle. Seeking tips from other members who have dealt with immense grief. I have been to a psychologist, done wh... View more

Hi, First post & brand new to this. It's been 10 yrs since the death of the one I mourn for but although its a but easier, its still a struggle. Seeking tips from other members who have dealt with immense grief. I have been to a psychologist, done what I think I can within my reach but I just cannot get over the daily burden of grief. Welcome to all suggestions.

Stussi 26, Widowed, and a little bit lost
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I lost my fiancee on our Wedding Day Feb 2015 before we were married, we were both 24 at the time. Flash forward 18 months and I'm back at work doing well, I have friends and family who love me, but I feel so lost and don't know how to talk t... View more

Hi all, I lost my fiancee on our Wedding Day Feb 2015 before we were married, we were both 24 at the time. Flash forward 18 months and I'm back at work doing well, I have friends and family who love me, but I feel so lost and don't know how to talk to anyone about it. I'm lonely and sad and find it hard to relate to anyone my own age in and out of relationships as I don't know anyone my age who has been through the same thing as me. I feel like I have to be strong too, it's just part of who I am, but I am sick of being strong... I suppose I am looking for someone to relate to, someone who understands... Happy and open to talk.. any help would be appreciated. Thank you in advance

Button69 I lost my mum and dad to suicide and I don't know how to feel
  • replies: 7

I lost my mum and dad to suicide and i dont know how to feel. I loved them very much but im trying to forget there memories because i feel so much guilt and pain when i think of them. I feel like im slowly heading down the road they took. I want help... View more

I lost my mum and dad to suicide and i dont know how to feel. I loved them very much but im trying to forget there memories because i feel so much guilt and pain when i think of them. I feel like im slowly heading down the road they took. I want help please

Devislust Angel mummy
  • replies: 9

Today has been the worst for my mental health. Being referred to a psychologist tomorrow to talk about everything. I've recently lost 2 babies due to miscarriage and its the only thing in my mind. I can't describe how I feel. Nobody I know understand... View more

Today has been the worst for my mental health. Being referred to a psychologist tomorrow to talk about everything. I've recently lost 2 babies due to miscarriage and its the only thing in my mind. I can't describe how I feel. Nobody I know understands. I'm too scared to go into the shops cause I'll break down crying. Even going for a simple blood test plays on my mind. I don't know what to do.

Solosombra Can't remove the image from my memory! Words to my baby! *possible trigger warning*
  • replies: 7

Aurora Jane mason: not one day has gone by that I haven't thought of you. I remember the day before you were born I was a total mess stressing over everything and nothing, people were telling me that this will be the most memorable moment of my life!... View more

Aurora Jane mason: not one day has gone by that I haven't thought of you. I remember the day before you were born I was a total mess stressing over everything and nothing, people were telling me that this will be the most memorable moment of my life! hearing your own baby girl cry out for the first time. So six years ago today daddy finished work and rushed to meet you and mummy at the hospital, full of pride for the first time I was so excited too meet you. But the entire floor was quite when I got there and all I could hear were heartbroken cries and tears,still born is what they told me. Daddy is so sorry he wasn't there, daddy is so sorry that he never got too hear your first scream, daddy is sorry he didn't have the strength to stay in the hospital with you and mum and ran off! I will always remember your ethereal face though my baby for the rest of my life! And your life which was taken from you will continue to play out in my dreams... It is the price I pay for living while you are no longer here. Love always and forever Dad xox

Jen78 Coping with the loss of my dad
  • replies: 5

3 weeks ago my family and I lost my dad to cancer after a 2 year battle. My mum was his primary carer and also my absolute hero. Seeing him in so much pain was terrible but his passing has given us some comfort he is no longer in pain. I live alone b... View more

3 weeks ago my family and I lost my dad to cancer after a 2 year battle. My mum was his primary carer and also my absolute hero. Seeing him in so much pain was terrible but his passing has given us some comfort he is no longer in pain. I live alone but spent several weeks with my family. Now I am back home and getting back into work it literally does not feel real. I feel like I don't cry enough. I do have some moments where I break down but then soon after I feel better. It seems to come in waves. Living alone with not much of a social life is hard, and I do spend as much time with my family during this time but also understand we need our own space too. This is the first time I have experienced loss.