Immediate support
Immediate support

Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

Bryan_ Loss of Mum
  • replies: 6

It's been a over a year since my mum died of cancer. I was her primary carer for 2 years, doing all I could to help her recover. Now I'm still crippled with anxiety and depression, living in her house which we shared. I'm 60 yrs old. Finding it almos... View more

It's been a over a year since my mum died of cancer. I was her primary carer for 2 years, doing all I could to help her recover. Now I'm still crippled with anxiety and depression, living in her house which we shared. I'm 60 yrs old. Finding it almost impossible to forge a new life. Meds and therapy have proved useless. All I can try and do is eat healthy, a little exercise and sleep when I can to forget the nightmare she is gone. I know I need to get out more, but the apathy and lack of enthusiasm in anything is overwhelming.

widowed1994 Was Widowed 1994 [Trigger Warning: sexual abuse]
  • replies: 1

Hi all, In 1994, I was widowed when my then wife had breast cancer. 6 mths later my then girlfriend found out that my 6yo daughter had been molested by a friend of my late wife who was living with us. For at least 3 mths after, I experienced what I c... View more

Hi all, In 1994, I was widowed when my then wife had breast cancer. 6 mths later my then girlfriend found out that my 6yo daughter had been molested by a friend of my late wife who was living with us. For at least 3 mths after, I experienced what I call Emotional Tsunamis; experiencing an interchanging wide range of emotions on a daily basis (at extreme levels). I never had any counselling as it wasn't available in my town or area back then, although I wrote heaps of poetry and later music to try and release pent up emotions. Though I happily remarried in 1997 (still going strong), to this day, I get easily irritated by things or situations not going right, or not working. With people I am fine and couldn't be more patient and accepting. Is this irritation (and it can cause me to complain, curse and sometimes swear) a hangover from 1994? How do I deal with it as it sometimes irritates those around me?

Tina06 Grieving the loss of my partner
  • replies: 5

Just over a year ago my fiancé took his life after a silent battle with depression. Neither me nor my daughter ever saw that he wasn't okay and never expected him to do something like this. Since then his family and friends have refused to talk to me... View more

Just over a year ago my fiancé took his life after a silent battle with depression. Neither me nor my daughter ever saw that he wasn't okay and never expected him to do something like this. Since then his family and friends have refused to talk to me or my daughter and blame me for his death. My partner, daughter and myself spent over three years living just down the road from his family which was an absolute disaster as they did not accept nor like me and my daughter. My daughter and I spent family dinners being glared at and ignored but eventually the three of us moved to a new house. Just two months later he did this. My daughter and I have been forced to move to a new state as I have been verbally attacked at my local shopping centre and home. This has left me depressed, lonely and sad. I struggle to do everyday tasks as one minute I am fine the next I am angry then sad. I spend countless hours asking myself why and how did I not see this.

Poopoo I only found out my father was ill once he had died
  • replies: 4

I have been estranged from my Mother for two years and haven't spoken to my Father as a result. My Brother phoned last November to tell me that my Father had died after a six month hospital stay. I am having such a hard time coping with the fact that... View more

I have been estranged from my Mother for two years and haven't spoken to my Father as a result. My Brother phoned last November to tell me that my Father had died after a six month hospital stay. I am having such a hard time coping with the fact that no one had told me that my father was so ill and that they deprived me of the chance to say goodbye. How do I get past this?

Sherrybaby A different kind of grief
  • replies: 2

When I was a child I used to cry into my pillow wailing that I was so alone. I was always told I was dramatic as I had a large family. After years of denial I now understand why I felt that way. From growing up with a mother who unfortunately had no ... View more

When I was a child I used to cry into my pillow wailing that I was so alone. I was always told I was dramatic as I had a large family. After years of denial I now understand why I felt that way. From growing up with a mother who unfortunately had no motherly instincts and was emotionally unavailable and my father who has abandoned me because of his partner who I would no longer let emotionally abuse me, I’m left grieving. I’m grieving the loss of the pictures I had created in my head of who I wanted my parents to be. No longer in denial I know feel like I’ve lost my roots. But I haven’t, they’ve never been there. I’m not sure how to except that the expectations I have of needing my parents to be the parents I’ve always needed. I don’t know how to except this and move on..

romantic_thi3f How do you cope with grief over the holiday season? (Feel free to post)
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, Christmas can be a really wonderful time of the year but it can also be a really difficult time of the year. I thought I'd create this post to talk about ways to cope or even just acknowledge some of that pain you might be feeling over C... View more

Hi everyone, Christmas can be a really wonderful time of the year but it can also be a really difficult time of the year. I thought I'd create this post to talk about ways to cope or even just acknowledge some of that pain you might be feeling over Christmas and the new years. For me personally, it feels heavy - I think there's a part of my brain that's like "oh they aren't here today" before it hits me, or conversations that used to be light become harder and heavier. I think it also brings up a lot of sad memories not just joyful ones, as a lot of Christmas's for me were hospital visits which is not something anyone wants to experience. So here's a couple of things I've come up with - maybe you can add to the thread if you like about how you cope or what makes things easier? If you are struggling know that we are here for you and the forums and the support lines will be open all over the Christmas break. - It's okay to say no and not do all the things. - It's okay to let go or create new traditions, or to keep the ones that you have. - It's okay to take time to think about your loved one. Maybe you want to go to the cemetery, look through photos, leave an empty chair at the table, make their favourite dish, write letters to them, donate to a charity, light a candle or even just talk about it. - It's okay to not give gifts, or to give different gifts. I do a lot of my shopping online which makes things a little less overwhelming. - It's okay to take time for yourself. - It's okay to cry. Or scream. Or talk about it. - It's okay to ask for help. - It's okay to laugh or have a nice time. We're allowed to do that and not feel guilty about it. The biggest thing that's going to help me over Christmas and new years is to be kind to myself and give myself permission - and somehow I think that might help you too. We don't owe anyone anything. We're allowed to hurt and cry and feel like the Grinch (or maybe that's just me!..). But we're also not alone.

ChristieJ Can’t pull it together
  • replies: 1

I’m finding things especially hard this year. I’m supporting my fiancé after the last 3 mental breakdowns with 2 hospitalisations within the last year. I am feeling so low that I’m running on empty. I spend the little hours I have when I’m not workin... View more

I’m finding things especially hard this year. I’m supporting my fiancé after the last 3 mental breakdowns with 2 hospitalisations within the last year. I am feeling so low that I’m running on empty. I spend the little hours I have when I’m not working finding ways to help and support my partner. Most research tells me that I need to look after myself however it’s easy to say this when you aren’t constantly worrying. My partner has been constantly mentally unwell for over a year now and have no peace. He is my soulmate, I will not walk away because I love and cherish him. I understand he is not well causing his constant I’ll state of mind and downward spiral. Im doing all I can to keep him alive or medication, healthy diet. He has tried ECT numerous phycotherapy, recently a failed drug trial which sent him into psychosis.. got worse from there. He doesn’t take alcohol or illegal substances and never has. Why him?! My dads death anniversary is New Year’s Eve. This time of year cuts me deeply and feel so sad and low, hurts that I can’t just be sad around him. I know he can’t take it when I am low. What can I do besides hold it in?

Rojo4 What to do?
  • replies: 4

Hello first time writing in a forum I recently started seeing a psychologist for helping cope with the loss of my brother passing away. I had been avoiding my feeling completely for 2 years and it resulted in my partner of 10 years breaking up with m... View more

Hello first time writing in a forum I recently started seeing a psychologist for helping cope with the loss of my brother passing away. I had been avoiding my feeling completely for 2 years and it resulted in my partner of 10 years breaking up with me for being too sad I have been to 8 therapy sessions and my psychologist has suggested i might benefit from anti depressants. I’m unsure about this as I don’t have any experience or know anyone who has been this type of medication. I don’t really like taking medication in general. I want to feel better but since opening up in the sessions I find I cry all the time. In general I feel completely hopeless about my life now and have so many negative self thoughts that I really struggle to make go away. I dont really know what I’m after with posting this, just I guess if antidepressants help with these problems thanks for reading

Anon93 Salutations all
  • replies: 4

Hi guys, As you guys can tell I'm new here. I have difficulties reaching out in real life. I've had Depression since I was 12 years old, and anxiety hit me hard when I was 21 until present. Things just really started falling apart for me after my fat... View more

Hi guys, As you guys can tell I'm new here. I have difficulties reaching out in real life. I've had Depression since I was 12 years old, and anxiety hit me hard when I was 21 until present. Things just really started falling apart for me after my father's death in 2012. Sadly, I've had many counsellors and Psychologists during my teenage and young adult years but I could never really communicate well face to face. I know I need some kind of help and support, but I'm always so stubborn and in denial. I feel like I'm just strapped down and chained to the floor, inside of a locked cage. I find it difficult to keep swimming in this huge ocean called life. There's so much going on in my life that I literally feel like curling into a ball in bed and going to sleep for good. I don't know who to reach out to, I live with my mum but I don't want her to stress and worry about my issues while she has medical problems herself. I have a boyfriend, but my whole relationship is just very complicated and hard to explain. I have no friends, due to my anxiety. I do work but since quitting my last job and moving on to my current job now, my salary has been a complete flop. I have about $8.5k in credit that I desperately need to pay off, but can't because my job sucks. I have missed calls and emails from credit companies and property agents about overdue payments that are going over my head and I am living each fortnight with just barely enough money left over for petrol and cigarettes. I'm drowning and even with the support of my family, I feel like the dark shadow that has been with me for years will end up being the thing that drags me down until the end. I don't want to burden anyone but I just need a sense of direction in my life. I want to take control of myself and be able to not feel like I'm miserable each day. I really need help. Thank you.

Drewboy Dad just took his own life
  • replies: 28

My dad took his own life two weeks ago. There was no warning. He always seemed happy. No one I've spoken to had any insight that this would happen. It has shaken me to my core. I keep asking him why but get no answer. My uncle (his brother) also took... View more

My dad took his own life two weeks ago. There was no warning. He always seemed happy. No one I've spoken to had any insight that this would happen. It has shaken me to my core. I keep asking him why but get no answer. My uncle (his brother) also took his own life 10 years ago, and I've learned their father was also a recluse who basically drank himself to death. I can feel depression pulling at me. On top of being unable to believe my dad is gone, and how he did it, I am also thinking that I will be next. Clearly, it runs in the males in the family. This scares me so bad. Having daily anxiety attacks. Scared of where this will all lead, but not showing anyone to be strong for the family. Just can't believe this is happening. It's like a nightmare I want to wake up from.