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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Boomorningm Feeling lost.
  • replies: 1

My ex who was also my best friend committed suicide last week. He was an ice addict of 20 years. I met him in rehab last year(me for alcohol addiction, Im 8 months sober) and we had an intense, immediate connection. I loved him so fiercely. I wanted ... View more

My ex who was also my best friend committed suicide last week. He was an ice addict of 20 years. I met him in rehab last year(me for alcohol addiction, Im 8 months sober) and we had an intense, immediate connection. I loved him so fiercely. I wanted to protect him and help him. He had the most beautiful, emphatic heart and I just adored him. He made me laugh, he made me feel love for the first time in so long, he made me glow as he walked into the room. Until a couple months ago we were in daily contact. But he was struggling with the normality of life, I wasnt. I was however struggling to help him and felt suffocated by his need for me. I tried and tried again. I kept forgiving him for his erractic behaviour, disappearances and looking back- i chose to believe him when things didnt make sense...was he using? I knew he used at least once. Was it more? I dont know. i felt responsibility for him. Eventually I couldnt cope and told him I needed to step back. I still loved and cared for him and would always be there there, I really did and I know he knew that but I just couldn’t be there for him as much as I initially was…I put off doing that for so long. Our contact from then was sporadic. Late april he asked me for money as said he lost his phone and I sent it. He then said he was in Melbourne in a rehab and he was learning knitting. I was happy, he was safe. I was relieved. My last messages were “ did something happen? knit me some booties, :P”. But he wasn’t there. He was in Tasmania at his mums and he sent me his suicide message asking me to send the medics to an address so his mum didn’t find him. He said he knew from a young age that he wouldn’t grow old and for me not to go through the what ifs and not to be angry with him. I didn’t see his message for 40 mins and I called 000 and the police called an hour later and said they got there too late. I am in so much pain. I feel physically sick with guilt. I don’t know how to go on. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to exist in this pain, I just want this pain to go away. He was everything to me and I can never forgive myself for not being there and not knowing how bad he was. I just cant see any light

doglover_ I can't get past the guilt, regret and "what ifs" after my dog died
  • replies: 2

My feelings of guilt, regret and saddness seem to build up and get worse everyday since losing my puppy. Willow was the rescue border collie x puppy I had always dreamed off. She was incredibly smart, beautiful and had such a happy and sweet nature. ... View more

My feelings of guilt, regret and saddness seem to build up and get worse everyday since losing my puppy. Willow was the rescue border collie x puppy I had always dreamed off. She was incredibly smart, beautiful and had such a happy and sweet nature. She loved everyone and was pretty much perfect (she didn't even bark and toilet trained herself). For some reason I was quite stressed, I was worried about her being stuck in our small backyard all day while my partner and I worked full time. Although she seemed so happy, had endless kongs and other toys/puzzles we had researched for border collies a part of me thought she didn't belong with us and that she should be on a big property with a family. Sometimes I would wish she was gone so the worry would go too. Other than that all was going well. My partner adored her and gave her a run everyday, on weekends we'd often go out with her. My dad started taking her to his farm on a Thursday while we were at work. I felt relieved that she had company for the day and my dad loved having her around while doing jobs around the farm. For some reason last week my dad decided to take Willow on Friday and spoke to my partner about her staying overnight. She had stayed previously once before when we went away. On the Saturday I had nothing to do so I decided to go shopping. That afternoon my dad was ready to take Willow back home but couldn't find her. She was hit by a car and died instantly. When we burried her I kept apologizing to her, I really feel like I let her down and wasn't there to make sure she was safe. I feel so awful for not being there as she's my responsibility, also for going shopping when I could've picked her up and not thinking about the dangers that were at the farm. I also can't help but think my awful thoughts about her belonging somewhere else contributed to us losing her. I can't stop thinking of her and keep reliving all the "what ifs" over and over in my head. She was only 8 months old.

romantic_thi3f Getting some help for grief
  • replies: 1

Hi, Let's face it - getting help is overwhelming, and the internet is overwhelming. There's a lot of resources out there but I know when you're feeling kind of stuck in grief it can feel a bit of a maze. So I thought I'd try and create this thread to... View more

Hi, Let's face it - getting help is overwhelming, and the internet is overwhelming. There's a lot of resources out there but I know when you're feeling kind of stuck in grief it can feel a bit of a maze. So I thought I'd try and create this thread to share some of the things out there for extra support - This is a long list but certainly doesn't cover all the different types of supports out there. I hope that it helps. for all sorts of grief https://griefline.org.au/ - free phone counselling midday to 3am AEST 7 days a week, 24/7 online counselling, https://grieflink.org.au/ - for information and links to other resources not mentioned here http://compassionatefriends.org.au/ - free 24/7 phone support, Skype support for people in VIC, and a lived experience forum. for miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death support https://www.sands.org.au/ - They offer information, stories, support lines, online live chats, email support and information about local support groups. http://www.bearsofhope.org.au/ - phone, Skype and email support, private Facebook online groups, for suicide http://www.supportaftersuicide.org.au/ - They offer free counselling (based in Melbourne but can see those interstate on Skype), information about support groups and other free counselling all around Australia and a free private forum. https://anglicaresa.com.au/support/suicide-support/living-beyond-suicide/ - They offer free home visits for people in SA and telephone support 10am-10pm/7 days a week. They also have loss and grief camps/support groups in SA for children aged 5-12. https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ - free 24/7 phone support as well as online/video chats. for loss of children https://www.vsk.org.au/family-services/bereavement-support/ - Based in Victoria but offer support through phone and Skype, https://rednosegriefandloss.com.au/support/section/C203 - free 24/7 phone support, support groups, information, Facebook group, for young people https://kidshelpline.com.au/ - free 24/7 phone support aged 5-25, online group for ages 13-25, https://headspace.org.au/headspace-centres/ - free in person counselling and telehealth counselling (video consultations) for people who are too far away from a centre. For ages 12-25. Also have group and online chats.

J3mjemm Broken
  • replies: 3

In October I lost my Aunty, on my first day back at work learnt of one of my fighters committing suicide, heartbreakingly I had tried to call him earlier that day to check in given I had been away. Breaking the news to the rest of the gym was one of ... View more

In October I lost my Aunty, on my first day back at work learnt of one of my fighters committing suicide, heartbreakingly I had tried to call him earlier that day to check in given I had been away. Breaking the news to the rest of the gym was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. On what was meant to be his boxing debut, I had been busy getting the night organised The one person I was truly looking forward to seeing was one of my best friends. She had been there for me in the weeks leading up, calling me to make sure I was okay, offering to come cook me food, just being her, full of love. As the night kicked off, she wasn’t there which wasn’t like her so I msgd her, a few hours passed and still no reply but my msg had been opened 2 days later, I’m debating whether to send her a msg or not, telling her how she’s upset me when I get a call from a friend, asking what happened to her, saying she saw a post on FB she had died. My whole world crumbled, I remember falling to the floor and just crying, she never showed to the fight night because she died that day. The mystery of her death was made worse with people messaging me asking how it happened, telling me what they had heard, due to this I was having nightmares of these horror stories people had told I struggled to come to terms with her death, angry that one of my last thoughts about her was that I was annoyed. On the day I viewed her body in her casket will forever be burnt into my memories, to physically see her, I still don’t have words for the emotions I felt. To kiss her forehead goodbye and to feel the cold under my lips it took what was left of my broken heart and shattered it into a million pieces. This was my first time seeing an open casket It’s coming up to 6 months since her death and I still cry when someone mentions her name, For the first few months seeing someone who resembled her in the slightest way would send me into this panic, I couldn’t breath & for a second I would feel the absolute strength of the heart ache I was trying to suppress. That heart ache is still very much present, I’m learning to slowly live with it, I still cry most days, now I just do it behind closed doors or into my pillow so no one can hear, because when your hurting you don’t want to hurt those around you. If anyone was to ask me if I was okay, I would tell them I’m fine, but under the surface I am completely and totally soul shattering broken.

Sleepingbeauty444 How do I start to heal
  • replies: 2

I lost my mum last April to cancer. She battled it on and off for 15 years but I still wasn’t prepared. I never thought it would actually take her. I feel like I’m coping less now than I was a year ago. I’ve had to take time off work which makes me f... View more

I lost my mum last April to cancer. She battled it on and off for 15 years but I still wasn’t prepared. I never thought it would actually take her. I feel like I’m coping less now than I was a year ago. I’ve had to take time off work which makes me feel so guilty to try and regroup. I’ve been to a psychologist before but I felt it didn’t help that much. I feel like I’ve had to be so strong for my dad and now I can’t pretend any longer. I take it out on my boyfriend all the time and I’m scared he will leave one day but I can’t help it even though I know it’s wrong. I've been on medication previously but after trying 3 different ones I felt none of them worked for me. I’m lost as to what the next step is

Cordelia101 The negatives of the past year in a tiny nutshell
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I am new to this, this is my first post The last year for me I would say has been one of the toughest. A bit of background, my best mate last year tried to kill himself and I had no knowledge that he was feeling suicidal and depressed. This w... View more

Hi all, I am new to this, this is my first post The last year for me I would say has been one of the toughest. A bit of background, my best mate last year tried to kill himself and I had no knowledge that he was feeling suicidal and depressed. This was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through, the constant worrying afterwards that he would try again, I remember I would try and see him everyday and make sure he was alright. This was the biggest strain and I was so exhausted. Last year was also my senior year at high school and I just started university in March. Anyways, throughout last year things got bad between me and my friend, he would send me messages blaming me for stuff and just putting me down a lot of the time and this really affected me. Eventually about 6 months after he tried I told him i could not talk to him anymore until the school year was over as I couldn't handle it. I know that sounds terrible, it took me so long to make myself tell him this. Anyways, I am one who doesn't really like opening up to people and talking about how I am feeling and this is a real downfall. I never realized how much his attempt had hurt me, I felt so abandoned that he would leave me here, we were best friends and he would just leave me. This now, I have recently realized has scared me. I am so terrified of people leaving me now. Moreover, I used to have pretty bad anxiety quite a few years ago and it has been gone for many years but I can feel it coming back now. Whenever I get anxious I start playing with my necklace and that has been happening so often recently One of my friends, I first met them in December passed away 2 weeks ago. We were at uni together. This has had the biggest impact on my friendship group, in fact we have her celebration of life coming up in the next dew days. I held it together pretty well but I have my moments when it hits me like a truck and I feel so empty Last night I also found out that this time last year my best friend tried to kill himself and I had no clue Everything seems to be falling apart, everyone is leaving and it feels as if I am so alone. At the time he tried to kill himself he had so much going on and he has said that he has never felt the same way about life since that time. Now he cherishes it and loves life. But it still hurts so much and I am so scared that something is going to happen. If anything happened to him or anyone i know at this time i know it would destroy me Thanks for reading

Scared1 Lost family
  • replies: 4

HI. I don't know what to say really. My last remaining family member just died and I'm so so alone. I can't get motivated to get up most days. I feel so alone at present. I have no friends to talk with. And no family. I feel it's just all to much to ... View more

HI. I don't know what to say really. My last remaining family member just died and I'm so so alone. I can't get motivated to get up most days. I feel so alone at present. I have no friends to talk with. And no family. I feel it's just all to much to get up and function. I'm falling behind in everything and have lost all self value. I just want to find help but don't know where to turn. The loneliness is getting in the way of everything. Is there help in Sydney? ??

Wait_what It took a year for me to be told my father died
  • replies: 8

I'm feeling really lost at the moment. After googling and googling, it would appear that i'm the only person this has ever happened to (except I can't be - let's just say it's not a common 'thing'). I received a call from my half brother I've not spo... View more

I'm feeling really lost at the moment. After googling and googling, it would appear that i'm the only person this has ever happened to (except I can't be - let's just say it's not a common 'thing'). I received a call from my half brother I've not spoken to in 30 years, 4 days ago. I figured my estranged father was ill and it was time to say the things that needed saying about the fact that he'd abandoned me repeatedly since I was 18 months old. But no, instead my brother told me that my father died 13 months ago. Yep - who does that??!!They'd left it just long enough for any claim on the estate to be difficult (not that i care about that). My last interaction with my father had been through his sister, my aunt, who'd 'found' me at 40-something (5-6 years ago). My father threatened her with family expulsion for having anything to do with me. Let me be really clear here, I did nothing to this man. I never lived with him, I never relied on/asked him for anything and yet he hated me. I think it was because I was a girl. He loved his sons. Anyhoo, I had no opportunity for closure before his death. I'd hoped he'd see some kind of sense before he died and seek resolution or forgiveness or something in a letter. In fact, I'd been secretly holding out hope that we'd be reunited like an episode of Long Lost Family - lots of hugging and tears. But instead, I was completely forgotten - it was as if I didn't exist at all. Just a momentary afterthought more than a year later. It's confirmed my thinking that my grief doesn't matter, I just don't matter. Never did, still don't. So I'm lost; nothing makes sense. The grief is weird. It's like it's all too late for any of it - there's no funeral to organise, lovely memories to think about or share, wakes to attend, ashes to spread. Just more torture from a family that like to do that to me at every possible juncture. Worst of all is the mourning for a little girl who lost her father and her right to a family a long time ago - but you don't mourn people who are still alive. I grieve what should and could have been. And all I've lost in the process. Not sure how anyone can do that to their child and why it's okay for them. Can anyone make my life make sense?

blond3 My relationship with grief
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I am 23 and I lost my big brother to suicide in September 2018. I watched him fight a downhill battle with mental illness for about 10 years. The effects of grief didn't really hit me until 3 months later, when something had triggered it. I f... View more

Hi all, I am 23 and I lost my big brother to suicide in September 2018. I watched him fight a downhill battle with mental illness for about 10 years. The effects of grief didn't really hit me until 3 months later, when something had triggered it. I felt so sad, confused and disconnected from the world around me - I felt crazy. I started getting intrusive thoughts about a relationship I formed not long after his death. Ever since this occured, I am a lot more in my own head and more aware of my thoughts but there's moments where I can just enjoy the present like I used to. For these past few months I've also had light to mild tension in my head, stiff jaw and sore points in my neck and upper back. It feels as if my head is very foggy and I can't fully function. I mainly wanted to share my story but also wanted to know if anyone else has had similar experiences to this? Cheers!

Sharkey When does grief get bearable
  • replies: 5

I lost my adult son suddenly three weeks ago. I feel like I’m going mad. On the outside I look fine but inside I am screaming. I have “attacks” of crying out of the blue. I tried to go back to work yesterday and had to come home. Everything seems so ... View more

I lost my adult son suddenly three weeks ago. I feel like I’m going mad. On the outside I look fine but inside I am screaming. I have “attacks” of crying out of the blue. I tried to go back to work yesterday and had to come home. Everything seems so pointless. Everyone says they are here to talk and they are so kind but I can’t talk to anyone they could never understand and I don’t want to start and never be able to stop. My poor husband is wonderful but he can’t grieve properly always worrying about me. I feel like I’m dying.they tell me it gets better with time. It’s getting worse not better.