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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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fish84 25 years and still hate myself
  • replies: 2

its amazing how time flies and you dont even notice. i have tried to move forward but it still plays on my mind every day. its almost 25 years since my dad died from suicide. i was 10 years old but it still feels like yesterday, i still remember seei... View more

its amazing how time flies and you dont even notice. i have tried to move forward but it still plays on my mind every day. its almost 25 years since my dad died from suicide. i was 10 years old but it still feels like yesterday, i still remember seeing him walking along the side of the road and me on the school bus watching him as it drove away. i knew something wasnt right i had this sense that it wasnt but did nothing. when i got home i found out what happened then it hit me like a tonne of bricks, i could of stopped this i could of been there and he wouldnt of done it. even now i still hate myself and i hate him, i hate him for doing this to me making me feel like this but i still also love him. its hard to figure out how to feel, its tough i cried when i was a kid but now its hard, its hard to be emotional about it as due to length since occurring but i see these people older then me who have there dads still and i feel this tug at my heart of loneliness. i dont have anyone to talk to, to discuss male issues have that father son chat about life. i visited his grave site recently and it was tough cause what do you say a plaque, is he listening, does he understand that the effect this has had on me growing up and still has an effect on my life now. hardest thing i have found is letting go and accepting that he has gone and that i could of done something.

SarahLB Grief and Loss
  • replies: 1

Hi Ive recently had to advise my partner his father has passed away unexpectedly and have been supporting him and mother in law during this process. Mother in law has health issues and requires 24/7 support as her husband was also main carer. Since f... View more

Hi Ive recently had to advise my partner his father has passed away unexpectedly and have been supporting him and mother in law during this process. Mother in law has health issues and requires 24/7 support as her husband was also main carer. Since father inlaw passing mother in law has been stating she is free and can do what she wants now. Doesn't have a care in the world and doesn't care that people are putting there lives on hold and trying to assist her to ensure she is cared for as much as possible. I suffer with Depression and Anxiety and yesterday she kept having a go at me and blaming me for things that I had not done. I know that this is her health concern but she is also being spiteful. I am now struggling with my daily routines and feel terrible as I couldn't remain strong for my partner. I need help and don't know where to turn.

Tatiana1 My boyfriend committed suicide 3 weeks ago
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend committed suicide 3 weeks ago. The pain, loss, guilt, loneliness, isolation from this grief is unbearable. Let alone having to come to terms that I'm all alone again. 45 single no kids and broken. He has left a big hole in my life and at... View more

My boyfriend committed suicide 3 weeks ago. The pain, loss, guilt, loneliness, isolation from this grief is unbearable. Let alone having to come to terms that I'm all alone again. 45 single no kids and broken. He has left a big hole in my life and atm I don't even want to wake up in the morning and process that he's gone all over. I'm broken over the fact that i didn't get to say the things I should have. I didn't get to tell him that i loved him recently because I was frustrated and dragged down by his depression. Yes I am getting grief counseling and I feel that every body else closely affected has a partner or family to spend their nights with. He was my companion and now I'm all alone.

Asenna Clinical depression and grief
  • replies: 16

Hi there peeps. Ive written on here a number of times so I thought I’d put down some of my thoughts and possibly someone can tell me what is what. 2014 rolled around. Wife and I had found a better place. Life was ok. I had some stressors in my life. ... View more

Hi there peeps. Ive written on here a number of times so I thought I’d put down some of my thoughts and possibly someone can tell me what is what. 2014 rolled around. Wife and I had found a better place. Life was ok. I had some stressors in my life. A failing family business, a struggling marriage and worry about a diagnosis after a check up (year and half before that I was in correctly diagnosed with liver cancer at 40). Hence the worry. All was fine. 2 weeks after that I started to feel more anxious and started questioning certain ailments and feelings that I had. Could it be cancer? As I started to spiral into anxiety, depression kicked in too. Before you know I severely anxious and very depressed. I was so scared I always needed reassurance on a constant basis. That went on for almost a year. My psych told me it was trauma but If I look back on I now I didnt have flashbacks, I didn’t have nightmares and I didn’t think about it. I was just overly anxious desperate and depressed. I knew it would effect my marriage and surely enough my wife left almost exactly a year after my mental illness hit me. For the next 3 years I begged, pleaded, got angry, gave her space, push it out of my mind, become obsessed, begged, pleaded. Yet I knew her coming back wouldn’t make me feel better whatsoever. My stupid psych said it will take time. It will get better. What he didn’t understand was my mood disorder. I felt horrible. Sure there were periods where I felt ok but it would always comeback. I wanted her so badly. In reality I needed her. I was sad that she was gone yet I couldn’t make myself better. It’s now been over 3 years since she left and over 4 years since my anxiety and depression hit. I know it’s not gone as I still fight it everyday yet and I’ve thankfully changed psychiatrists. These are what are going through my head; rumination, deep sadness, anxiety, loneliness, useless, no self esteem, unlovable, feel like a failure, no enthusiasm for life, deep despair about my past with my relationship, no hope, feelings of a lost life, guilt, longing for the past (not her but our relationship, fear of the future, scared, memories of the relationship, not good enough, grief, deep loss, hopelessness. i can’t keep living like this and I feel like life is leaving me behind. I cannot see a future or a present and I’m sick and tired of it. Are those attributes are apart of depression and grief? fab

Lostmumma Grief and how to deal with it.
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, My depression started as post natal, i was on and off my meds thinking and hoping i could stay off them. I got off them a for a bit. Had another baby and bam. Back to it all again. Things were going well so i stopped. AGAIN.. all was well an... View more

Hi guys, My depression started as post natal, i was on and off my meds thinking and hoping i could stay off them. I got off them a for a bit. Had another baby and bam. Back to it all again. Things were going well so i stopped. AGAIN.. all was well and good.. 2years later. My mum/best friend passed away suddenly in her sleep (artheroslerotic heart disease) she didnt even know she has it!! Fell into a hole and was back on them again. 3 years on. With the most wonderful supportive husband and kids im still struggling with everything. All i want to do is hidr in my bed and netflix all day. I dont like doing anything.. its affecting work, life and everything inbetween. Ive lost the one person i could pour all my problems to without any judgement or pity. My mum was. My everything and I'm trying so hard but i just feel its pulling me further and further down. Im at a loss and i do not know what to do anymore.. Is there anyone that could share some light x

Mr__Anxiety Nees help coping for 3 family deaths
  • replies: 1

Hi all, 26 year old male, severe depression, anxiety and regular panic attacks. This is the first time I've public posted my thoughts so bear with me. I suffered from mild depression and anxiety from my early teens, up until November 2014 when my eld... View more

Hi all, 26 year old male, severe depression, anxiety and regular panic attacks. This is the first time I've public posted my thoughts so bear with me. I suffered from mild depression and anxiety from my early teens, up until November 2014 when my eldest brother passed away in a car accident at aged 32 following that in 2016 my mother passed away aged 52 from a stroke whilst shopping with my youngest sister who was only 11 at the time. And again following that, in September 2017 my other brother just 3 years older than myself at 29 years of age passed away in his sleep from pneumonia and an enlarged heart (undiagnosed). Since my eldest brother passed away, my depression, anxiety and stress has been unimaginably through the roof, with it only getting worse after each death. My last brother to pass away was considered my best friend so it was a "double whammy" and i took a month of work from my new job which i only started 7 weeks prior. I feel lost, alone and my social anxiety stops me from doing the most basic of tasks, such as calling someone, getting up to go to the shops, etc... I came here because I keep having time off work and cant keep it up as my financial situation doesnt allow it, I can no longer do things I enjoy like working on my project car, as I dont have any money to fund it, which make me more depressed and it just keep going around in circles. I am currently medicated and have just started taking something to help me sleep (California rockey fuel apparently). I was previously on another medication for 4 years, but it didn't work for when my family passed away. I cant speak to my partner, friends or family because they get upset when Im upset. I bottle my emotions up a lot and I cant help doing it, its just how I am, I've been seeing a physiologist each fortnight for the past 9 months, i feel good after i go but i go back to feeling the same the next day. I cant afford more time off work as I am the sole income earner and I currently have a childcare bill in excess off $500 not to mention car regos due, so that stresses me out more. What should I do? Please help.

Forever_lost Lost my husband to suicide not coping
  • replies: 1

I lost my beautiful husband 6 months to suicide and I’m so lost and lonely. He was my soul mate the love of my life and now his gone. His family have placed the blame on me and have said some very horrible and nasty things about me it’is pushing me o... View more

I lost my beautiful husband 6 months to suicide and I’m so lost and lonely. He was my soul mate the love of my life and now his gone. His family have placed the blame on me and have said some very horrible and nasty things about me it’is pushing me over the edge and I’m felling more and more like I want to go with my husband. My husband had suffered from depression and alcoholism due to a very traumatic childhood and he would not seek the proper help he need he would always say I’m ok Baby. We loved and adored each other and to think people are saying my husband didn’t love me is breaking my heart . I don’t know how to go on anymore I have been in hospital twice since his death. IS IT MY FAULT MY HUSBAND DID THIS? I need help to understand why his family blame me so harshly I loved them. We had a fight the night before due to his drinking and not working for over 2 years things were getting really hard financially as I was the only one working this got so bad we had to start selling our personal belongings and were going to be evicted from our rental house I should have kept my mouth shut and never said anything to him I live every day blaming myself and than to also have others blame is just to much. Even though we had our ups and downs like all couples do we never stopped loving each other I just want my husband home with me.

Jacaranda72 Difficult anniversary
  • replies: 3

Hi all this Thursday marks the 10 year anniversary since my Mum died. She was 63 and had melanoma. My family are all in UK. I went home to help nurse her and spent six weeks away all up. Then I had to leave my grieving father and come back to life in... View more

Hi all this Thursday marks the 10 year anniversary since my Mum died. She was 63 and had melanoma. My family are all in UK. I went home to help nurse her and spent six weeks away all up. Then I had to leave my grieving father and come back to life in Australia to my husband and children. It was like a nightmare. I have not been able to go back since. I can’t face the long haul flights and the emotional toll. I feel like a bad daughter and I have never seen my mother’s grave. Feeling torn up inside.

Jackson1994 I miss you
  • replies: 72

I keep being bought back to that day and it won’t leave my head I sat next to him, I put his hair behind his ears and touched his head and i told him it will be ok i wanted to believe it so badly i didn’t leave his side until I knew he wasn’t alone i... View more

I keep being bought back to that day and it won’t leave my head I sat next to him, I put his hair behind his ears and touched his head and i told him it will be ok i wanted to believe it so badly i didn’t leave his side until I knew he wasn’t alone it’s so vivid still i can see the pictures i put on the wall pictures of me and Mum and him and pictures of us with nanna, and pictures of us when we went on our first holiday with our step dad I wanted to hug him so much and and i couldn’t i told him how sorry i was that this happened him my step sister bought him a melbourne demons beanie kid and we put in his hand now i sleep with it every night

AgnesMaple 30 year old female, so much loss...& completely unable to cope... or look forward to anything.
  • replies: 5

...I have this constant feeling like I’m just waiting for another terrible thing to happen. My gran died of brain cancer. Then my bf died of brain cancer two years later. Then my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. I now live in an almost constant ... View more

...I have this constant feeling like I’m just waiting for another terrible thing to happen. My gran died of brain cancer. Then my bf died of brain cancer two years later. Then my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. I now live in an almost constant state of paralysis. Like I’m just unable to step forward because I feel like something else terrible will happen. I don’t know how to not feel this way... when every time people have said “it’s okay, life will get better” ...and I have tried to get back to living, life hasn’t gotten better. I am also almost in constant pain after some surgery. It’s been 3 years of pain, and multiple specialists. When you’re in pain, with a sense of nothing to look forward to accept more pain... the world looks pretty grim. To make matters worse, I have very few friends left in Sydney. By few I mean one... and she’s busy. I can go weeks without hearing from anybody. My husband is supportive, but he’s busy... and can’t offer advice or relate. I get the feeling he loves me but simply doesn’t know what to do or say. i guess if I don’t, then why should he. I honestly don’t expect anyone to say anything that will make me feel better. I guess I just needed to let someone, anyone know... perhaps someone will relate, or has experienced worse than I have and gotten though the other side. I have spoken to counsellor, but to be honest... they always want to discuss the deaths in my life... and considering they were pretty awful to witness, I don’t want to keep going over them. To anyone who takes the time to read this, thank you... and I’m so sorry for how pessemistic it sounds. I am not okay. I just pinned up photos of everyone who would care if I just ended my life... and it’s not many... it’s not many... In tears. I know there’s no easy solution... I just needed to at least write my thoughts down... even if it doesn’t solve anything.. at least I’ve finally acknowledged that I’m not okay.