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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Lee313 I am lost
  • replies: 6

My Nan had a massive Stroke around 2 months ago that took basically the whole right side of her brain. She was a fit and healthy 83 year old woman. She is paralyzed on her left side and can no longer speak and they did not expect her to survive the A... View more

My Nan had a massive Stroke around 2 months ago that took basically the whole right side of her brain. She was a fit and healthy 83 year old woman. She is paralyzed on her left side and can no longer speak and they did not expect her to survive the Acute phase, but she did and made it all the way to rehab. In the last few days she has been switched to Palliative care and will be gone within the next week. I am absolutely devastated. She is my best friend and like a mother to me. I love her so dearly, I am just completely heart broken. I am going to see her every day, but watching her deteriorating is cruel. She is the most kind, selfless and beautiful person I have ever met. She does not deserve to die like this. I want to wake up from this nightmare. When she had the stroke, I grieved knowing I would never hear her voice again and would never see her return to what she was. Now I am sick to my stomach knowing for the first time in the 23 years I've been alive, she will not be there for Christmas or my next birthday. I will never hear her voice again, or hold her hand, I will never get anpther hug or kiss and she doesn't get to watch my daughter grow. She is also leaving behind her husband of over 6 decades. I don't know how to cope with the pain. It comes in waves and it is unbearable. I don't want her to go, I am cherishing the time I have left with her, but it is not enough. I am studying full time and starting a new job on Monday, I don't know how to cope with all of this. I just want her to stay with me.

anne_beckman the reality of the Palliative Care experience - watching my mum die
  • replies: 4

I am struggling with severe anxiety and get so overwhelmed with constant thoughts of how terrible and disturbing the last days were before mum died at home, that the room starts spinning and i literally fall on the floor sobbing and cant stop.. its b... View more

I am struggling with severe anxiety and get so overwhelmed with constant thoughts of how terrible and disturbing the last days were before mum died at home, that the room starts spinning and i literally fall on the floor sobbing and cant stop.. its been 2 months and i just feel worse and worse, i think the palliative care team do a wonderful job but they really didn’t prepare me for how - i hate to use these words - gruesome and disturbing the last days could be. I feel like its a taboo subject that no one wants to talk about the days before and how the actual death are, its certainly not like you see it in the movies. I am trying to find someone to talk to about the palliative care experience. It all feels like a nightmare that i cant wake up from

Uncleal It takes more then time to heal some things
  • replies: 9

Ok, I have a medical condition, then suffered a stroke and have developed osteo arthritis in most of my joints. Depression and anxiety is always with me. One constant through all this has been my 2 year old dog. A small blue Chihuahua, she was very i... View more

Ok, I have a medical condition, then suffered a stroke and have developed osteo arthritis in most of my joints. Depression and anxiety is always with me. One constant through all this has been my 2 year old dog. A small blue Chihuahua, she was very important and helped me through hard times, she had a great personality, Well 7 days ago I found out she had kidney disease and they stopped working. she passed away 3 days ago. She left a hole in my life thats filling with depression, im trying each day to crawl out of this mental depressive hole but get pulled back into it as there are triggers all around me. Is there anyone out there who can show me how to fight this problem,

beckboo29 Sudden and un expected death of my dad
  • replies: 11

It started off as a normal day until the horrible screeching of my mum on the other end of the phone. 63 years old died suddenly at home why hanging out the washing. So young so much more to do with his life he was still working full time. My dad was... View more

It started off as a normal day until the horrible screeching of my mum on the other end of the phone. 63 years old died suddenly at home why hanging out the washing. So young so much more to do with his life he was still working full time. My dad was my everything a hero my mr fix it my best friend. I feel like I’ve been short changed, my son is 15 month and loved his pa so much. Not to see him grow up with my dad breaks my heart. My mum suffers from anxiety I'm the only one holding her together. There’s so much pressure on me, I have my own problems my own grief. I didn’t really get to say a proper goodbye at the funeral I couldn’t carry the coffin or get up to make my own speech at the funeral as I had to help mum. Im not resentful, I just feel sad that I could not do theses tasks like my brother and sister. There is too much pressure I just can’t breathe because of all the paperwork, finances issues and arrangements. I feel numb, tired and I just want to understand why! Just why my dad, and why know! There are so many in answered questions. So much I want to say to him. does it get easier?

Philomena I am Philomena
  • replies: 2

I am just finishing my Certificate IV in bereavement support and my idea of doing this course was to be of help and an inspiration to those suffering grief in some way or the other either through the loss of someone or something they held dear to the... View more

I am just finishing my Certificate IV in bereavement support and my idea of doing this course was to be of help and an inspiration to those suffering grief in some way or the other either through the loss of someone or something they held dear to them. Having lost my son aged seven years in an accident a long time back I went through a lot of pain anxiety depression and lived with it silently for many years i could never share with anyone my feelings and panic attacks fear uncertainty I really could not do the things I wanted to do I took me a long time to get over this not even anti depressants could help it was only my will power and my spiritual life that I was able to find my way through it all and after years of struggling with anxiety fear and emotional problems withdrawal physical problems caused due to emotions headaches etc. I now can confidentally say I have made it through and am strong bold and courageous I can face the world . It is with this determination I am now completing my course so that I can be of help to those battling anxiety depression and suicide and give them hope for the future and teach them how to overcome these emotional problems and enjoy life to its fullest and as long as there is life there is hope.

Mel-M Dealing with my dads suicide on this Fathers Day
  • replies: 7

It’s Fathers Day and it has been the first Father’s Day I haven’t been able to spend with my dad. he committed suicide just before Christmas, with no warning signs. My whole life I never knew what he was dealing with by himself. thats the part that h... View more

It’s Fathers Day and it has been the first Father’s Day I haven’t been able to spend with my dad. he committed suicide just before Christmas, with no warning signs. My whole life I never knew what he was dealing with by himself. thats the part that hurts the most, I’m more angry at myself that I never knew, never considered, how selfish of me! He left without one last phone call, nothing. And we are left with no closure, I keep reading this letter he wrote over and over and it brings me nothing but confusion. He was meant to walk me down the isle in a couple of months. I had just had my second child, he adored his grand children. I don’t understand how he could just leave us like this. And now we all have to just try and get on with things, but how do you do that?

Into_the_Unknown To lose two dads in 5months, how does life every function again normally
  • replies: 3

I don’t know how to help or how to grieve. The father of my children passed away late last year we had been separated 10years but for the majority of our separated time we co-parented quiet well with 50/50 care arrangements & 98% of decisions made fo... View more

I don’t know how to help or how to grieve. The father of my children passed away late last year we had been separated 10years but for the majority of our separated time we co-parented quiet well with 50/50 care arrangements & 98% of decisions made for the children we made together 5 months later my own Dad passed away he had lived with my children and I for 11 years. Dad and I were close I supported him when we lost mum 12 years ago and done everything in my power to make his last years here as easy and as comfortable as I possibly could. My children aren’t coping with their grief one can’t find a job the other struggles to attend school each day, home just feels like a shattered mess where we just tolerate each other. My ex’s girlfriend is trying to obtain his super, and has all of his belongings. They lived together only 10months and she believes she’s has more right to these things then his actual children. (My kids were extremely super close to their dad). They are shattered hurt angry sad and missing their dad beyond belief. I don’t know how else to help them to get through these times. We all had our first Father’s Day without our dad’s this year and I made sure I was with them to get through the day but my own feelings of grief made it hard to be the supportive mum I needed to be. For me I’ve lost my hero the man that loved me unconditionally & supported me with all of my choices my dad but I also lost the man I went too for any decision regarding the children & for every milestone moment of their lives their dad

Chae Grieving the loss of my sister, dad and grandparents from over 13 years ago.
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, I’ve just joined this community and thought it was time that I try and reach out or open up about my emotions. 18 years ago I was born a triplet. One of my sisters passed away months later as a result of being premature and having a bad... View more

Hey everyone, I’ve just joined this community and thought it was time that I try and reach out or open up about my emotions. 18 years ago I was born a triplet. One of my sisters passed away months later as a result of being premature and having a bad heart. In that process, my Dad was told that I should’ve died, I wasn’t breathing and was in an induced coma. Honestly, the guilt I feel is earth shattering when I think of her passing on but not me. Then, 2 years go by and we learn that my Dad has cancer, more specially melanoma. He had numerous melanomas pop up around his body which killed him by the time I was 4. When I was about 7 my nan had passed away from cancer too. Prior to being born, 2 of my grandparents were already passed. I’m 18 and have been feeling their losses significantly every minute, especially in the last couple of years. I can’t escape it. It’s as if I hadn’t dealt with it until now. I find it hard to not think about these days. I find it difficult to not feel guilty. I find it tremendously difficult to feel some type of happiness. I’m at quite a low point of my life, if I’m completely honest. I thought I may as well try and reach out on here before it becomes too much. I have my sister and mum left but any other family members i have had left our family for numerous reasons. I guess I’m just trying to find a way to not feel so alone, so dark and empty. If anyone has any advise or feels similar, please let me know. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I appreciate it greatly.

harrison.c My Father passed away, feeling so lost..
  • replies: 11

I posted a couple days ago about the slim chances of my father surviving a battle with cancer and liver problems, unfortunately we lost him yesterday morning.. and it's the most painful thing i've ever felt in my life I feel so completely lost and di... View more

I posted a couple days ago about the slim chances of my father surviving a battle with cancer and liver problems, unfortunately we lost him yesterday morning.. and it's the most painful thing i've ever felt in my life I feel so completely lost and distraught without him.. he did everything for me and my mother and brother and sister, my mother and I especially. I'm 24 still living at home and have terrible social anxiety so he has always done everything for me.. whether it be just going into a shop to get something for me when I cant or coming to doctors appointments and setting them up for me, ontop of that he looked after my mother who has MS. He was everything to us, the most selfless caring beautiful man and now he's just gone.. my memories are all foggy and I keep trying to remember the good things but alot of the time i remember him and his face when he was in his hospital bed. I want to hug him so tightly and apologize for not appreciating him as much as I should have but I cant.. I just want to hear his voice or his laugh.. I don't get how to move on from this, I miss him so so so much. My mother is so hurt too, she's in a nursing home 40 minutes away until we can get her closer and i'm just in the house alone with all dads things and these memories and I just don't know how to cope.. I wrote out a letter and had my aunt read it to him next to me telling him some things i'm glad I got across but his eyes were opening a little and closing all throughout it, i'm not sure whether he heard it because he was so so out of it but god i hope he did. You really realize how much you take your parents for granted when they're gone

Shuh Feeling guilty after losing my brother from cancer
  • replies: 3

I lost my younger brother who was too young to die. I am in Australia and he lived abroad. I had recurred brain cancer, radiotherapy and chemotherapy didn't help. He was struggling numbness on half of his body. He was expecting help. I googled to fin... View more

I lost my younger brother who was too young to die. I am in Australia and he lived abroad. I had recurred brain cancer, radiotherapy and chemotherapy didn't help. He was struggling numbness on half of his body. He was expecting help. I googled to find alternative options where I came across to restricted ketogenic diet. I suggested him to try this and he went to that diet, we hired a dietitian. After two month MRI was clear and he felt improvement. We don't know if it was from the therapies or from the diet. He continued to work keeping the diet although it was hard. After two month, he felt strong numbness on half of his body. He went to doctor, doctors could do a surgery but there is a big risk that may be paralyzed or die. We refused surgery, but during 1 week in hospital his health deteriorated, was struggling to walk. But he said, brother I will keep the diet, not going for surgery. I was still in Australia organizing my trip back to home. I was seeking a doctor who can help him, found one in India. When I arrived he was already paralyzed, having difficulty to talk and sleeping a lot. I was too late, he was going to die soon. I talked a neurosurgeon in the capital, he asked to bring him. We brought him to hospital, stayed for 3 days, and they said they can't operate him anymore. Unfortunately, every time we visit hospital his health was going back more faster than at home, I can't understand. Traditional treatment wasn't helping him. Doctors said he is going to die in couple of days. They sent us back home. I googled again and found a doctor who treats patients with herbals. She gave some herbals which they may help. I refused drugs that doctors prescribed, because wasn't helping. Herbals looked like helping for some days, we saw a bit improvement. After ten days he experienced strong epilepsy when my mum and brother's wife was looking after. They couldn't help, it time before my another brother arrived and help. When I arrived doctors were to help. We took him to local hospital, he spent another 10 days with resuscitation. I cannot forgive myself, because keto diet didn't help but might progressed tumor. I cannot forgive myself coming home late to bring him to India, which might prolong his life. I can't forgive myself for refusing drugs doctors prescribed which might prevent epilepsy. I can't forget days he was expecting help, struggling from pain, couldn't speak last words because of resuscitation but hearing us telling lies that he will be fine.