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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Whatever1 My mum is gone
  • replies: 3

I’m 18 years old and at the start of this year my mum died so very unexpectedly. It’s been 9 months without her and I can’t explain how much I miss her she was my best friend she always had a solution to every problem of mine and for some insane reas... View more

I’m 18 years old and at the start of this year my mum died so very unexpectedly. It’s been 9 months without her and I can’t explain how much I miss her she was my best friend she always had a solution to every problem of mine and for some insane reason I keep thinking that she is going to come back and everything will go back to normal but it won’t. It hurts my heart physically hurts and I don’t know what to do to stop it, all I want is to just see her face and hear her voice and just hug her so tight. Just mum and I lived in a small house together, mum had been sick for few weeks prior but doctors just kept sending her home with different pills to take so she went to the hospital one night from still feeling unwell, I was happy because I thought that she would get the medical advice and treatment she needed and be home in a few days, that night I got a phone call asking if it was me and was told to come up to the hospital so I did. I got there and all the doctors kept saying to me was “Hannah your mum is really sick and it looks like she might die” as I waited for the rest of my family to travel down to the hospital I sat by her bed side in the ICU unit and watched my mum die then had to tell the rest of my family when they got there. I keep reliving this day over and over in my head and I have dreams at night about it, it makes me feel sick and makes me feel so sad I just couldn’t do anything to help her. I don’t want to live my life with out my mum, I feel that I will never be properly happy again. I want her here with me it’s just so totally unfair. I don’t understand what I did to deserve this kind of pain. The last thing I thought that would happen this year was I wouldn’t be finishing it with my mumma, this year by far has been the worst year of my life and I cannot wait until it is over.

Ekoi Does the grief and guilt ever go away?
  • replies: 3

Late in 2018 I lost two family members very close to me. First, at the end of August someone who is like a second father, who has cared for me since I was 6 months old finally passed away after a long hard battle with cancer. I had received messages ... View more

Late in 2018 I lost two family members very close to me. First, at the end of August someone who is like a second father, who has cared for me since I was 6 months old finally passed away after a long hard battle with cancer. I had received messages from my 'sister' days earlier telling me that his health was rapidly declining and that I should come visit him as they didn't know how long he had left. I was so busy with work shifts all over the place that it took a bit before I could organise a time, and I finally planned a day I would go and visit. A couple of nights before the day I had planned to visit, I get a phone call from my niece saying I should come urgently as he was getting even worse. I was prepared to head over there and then, but because it was late at night, we both agreed I would come early the next day. The next day, as I'm getting ready to head out there I get a phone call from my niece again... in tears telling me he was gone. I'd never experienced the death of someone so close, so I didn't know how to react and my instinct was to be the strong one, and I held it together, suppressing my emotions through everything so that everyone else had someone to lean on. Fast forward a couple of weeks, I had a holiday I had booked for months to go to Japan. But I don't look at that holiday as a good holiday. As the day after I returned home, my grandfather passed away. A little over a month after my 'Dad' had passed away. I had so much suppressed emotion from his passing that when I found out about my Poppy I broke. I was an emotional shell for months afterward, and I could not sleep. I didn't catch up with my Poppy (grandfather) right before we left for Japan, even though he wanted to catch up for dinner the night before we went away. He rang me, but I was so busy packing and when I checked the message I had already eaten dinner. So I didn't ring him back even though I had spare time for going out with him, and told myself I would contact him when I get back. I never could. I still have the messages on my phone, saved, so that I could hear his voice. It's now been a little over a year since they both passed away and I still have dreams and nightmares. I still have so much grief and guilt about losing them both, I feel so guilty about all the times I didn't catch up with them and how distant I was. I don't know what I can do, but I've been so lost since. I have never experienced this, I don't know what I can do.

Rose511 Loss of father from Cancer
  • replies: 2

It’s been 2years since the passing of my dad from terminal cancer , my poor dad had to suffer in such a horrible devastating traumatic way. My dad finally got diagnosed after years of dealing with pain and sickness he was so stubborn and obviously sc... View more

It’s been 2years since the passing of my dad from terminal cancer , my poor dad had to suffer in such a horrible devastating traumatic way. My dad finally got diagnosed after years of dealing with pain and sickness he was so stubborn and obviously scared to go to a doctor till it was way to late and they gave dad 6-18 months to live if the chemo works dad lasted 4 months and they were the most horrific months of all our lives to watch someone I idolised love cherish and was my all round everything fall and deteriorate to nothing was so terribly painful I haven’t grieved as you should I just keep putting it past can’t visit his grave which I haven’t for 2years now can’t talk about him can’t listen to his songs without falling apart and it’s not causing issues that I need to deal with his loss any help I would really appreciate especially the talking and listening to songs part I’ve know how to be able to get pass this issue I have it’s going to be hard enough on my wedding day that I have coming up and need to be able to handle it in some way it’s going to be very hard cause the part he dosent even know I got engaged to the love of my life we had a baby now the wedding I’ve never asked for help but iam now thankyou for reading

Lovebunch Help preparing for loss
  • replies: 2

My grandfather who I am very close to has had an unfortunate decline in his health and we have been told to start making preparations. I previously have lost my father and my grandmother and was not able to handle grief very well at all. Can anyone r... View more

My grandfather who I am very close to has had an unfortunate decline in his health and we have been told to start making preparations. I previously have lost my father and my grandmother and was not able to handle grief very well at all. Can anyone recommend any books, resources etc to help prepare for grief and cope with loss? Thank you in advance

Guest_093 Feeling tired, lost and vague
  • replies: 1

It's 2.15am I sit here looking out the window once where my husband sat doing the same thing in March before he went into hospital for minor medical condition and did not come home. Today at 10.00am I spread his ashes across my home and say my final ... View more

It's 2.15am I sit here looking out the window once where my husband sat doing the same thing in March before he went into hospital for minor medical condition and did not come home. Today at 10.00am I spread his ashes across my home and say my final goodbye and to gives us both peace and harmony. I have not said my final goodbye to loved one in this manner before in my life so do not know what to expect when I open the urn to set him free! I feel so numb with nothingness and feel my anxiety is bad as I have been extremely itchy on my palms of hand and scratch and scratched so much that I have scratched marks in my hands but with that at least I feel the pain. I chose today as it is hubby's 60th birthday and have bought a bunch of rainbow roses that have scent in his memory of his great life! Yesterday I was supposed to work a shift but clean forgot that I was rostered on. I have never missed a day's work even due to depression or anxiety but I sit here with a smile on my face and think of his life and love. RIP Bazza.

Chicken_Little1 Losing my 7 yo Daughter in a Preventable Accident
  • replies: 5

Hi, My beautiful little girl was killed when a 100kg truck wheel fell on her almost 10 weeks ago. I rushed my daughter to the local Hospital in a minute or so, but the blunt force trauma was too great for her to survive & approx 30 minutes later the ... View more

Hi, My beautiful little girl was killed when a 100kg truck wheel fell on her almost 10 weeks ago. I rushed my daughter to the local Hospital in a minute or so, but the blunt force trauma was too great for her to survive & approx 30 minutes later the ED team had to call it off as she was gone forever. It has been almost impossible for me to work & think clearly but I need to try & continue my work so that I survive financially. Only time will tell if I can stay afloat. The negligent tenant who stacked the truck wheels against the outside shed wall appears to not care, feel any shame or embarrassment for his actions & has continued to attend & work on his junk in the next door storage shed whilst I'm trying to work. He has walked past me several times & acted as though I'm not even there. He has shown no remorse, given no apology for his actions & didn't even clean up the junk that he left lying around outside the storage shed until I put in a official complaint about his junkyard. Everyday has been a roller coaster of emotions, my disbelief that my little girl is gone forever, my disbelief that someone could be so stupid to lean truck wheels against a shed wall unrestrained in a Public access walkway to the Toilets, Anger that this has happened to an innocent little girl that should have been safe & had walked to the Toilets many times without incident. I just don't understand how this has happened & that nothing seems to be happening to punish the negligent party. My 7yo girls life was cut short by the stupidity of a Truck Driver who had no excuse for his actions, He had plenty of time & plenty of available space to store the wheels safely but chose not to. I don't see that Justice will ever be served for his actions & it only hurts more when I'm told that my little princesses life is worthless under Australian law. Time does not heal all wounds & whomever came Up with that lie has never lost someone that they truly, deeply love & care about. This tragedy has only continued to grow in its abilty to break our family more as time goes on. The problems that it causes multiply everyday & I know I will never get over this loss.

ChrissyV Feeling so utterly alone and misunderstood
  • replies: 2

My 14 year old son took his life 2 years ago but I don’t believe it was suicide. I won’t go into detail but we found evidence he had been self-harming for sometime. The police didn’t look into this further and it was put down to suicide. So for almos... View more

My 14 year old son took his life 2 years ago but I don’t believe it was suicide. I won’t go into detail but we found evidence he had been self-harming for sometime. The police didn’t look into this further and it was put down to suicide. So for almost two years this is what I’ve had to try to accept even though there were no signs of depression and he was otherwise completely healthy, happy, confident and capable young man. But I just don’t accept it now. I have no way of proving it. And I don’t even know where to start to get any support. My partner is not convinced, but he is still in denial about everything and we can’t talk about it. The rest of the family, except my dad, all carry on as if it didn’t happen and it’s almost like my son never existed! I’m desperately miserable. I try to carry on but some days I just don’t see the point. Today is one of those days so I thought I better come here. Thanks for listening.

emmeline My mother and sister have both died - am I alone?
  • replies: 3

My mother died when I was 11 (many, many years ago) and my sister died 4 years ago. Both had long illnesses and suffered drawn-out deaths. For me, watching both of them die was very traumatic and for years I've had to deal with anxiety, depression an... View more

My mother died when I was 11 (many, many years ago) and my sister died 4 years ago. Both had long illnesses and suffered drawn-out deaths. For me, watching both of them die was very traumatic and for years I've had to deal with anxiety, depression and PTSD. Quite often though I feel like no one understands (except my therapist), so I guess I'm just reaching out to see if I really am alone in this or if there is anyone else who knows what a double loss feels like?

ChloeRoslyn Loosing my mum to suicide
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone. I lost my mum to suicide a month ago, she tried to commit suicide when I was 35 weeks pregnant. Due to her drug use and mental health I made the hard decision for her to not meet my newborn child, one month ago my mother commited suicide... View more

Hi everyone. I lost my mum to suicide a month ago, she tried to commit suicide when I was 35 weeks pregnant. Due to her drug use and mental health I made the hard decision for her to not meet my newborn child, one month ago my mother commited suicide. She left letters and basically blamed me and wrote that I was never going to let her be a grandmother.. I have so much guilt and regrets on not letting her meet my son. At the time of my decision I had the right intentions but now that she is gone I am struggling so much. I am loosing focus while driving, I seem to not have any confidence I second guess my self a lot which is dangerous behind the wheel. I am not one to talk about my feelings I normally "bottle it up", but I know I am not okay. For my son's sake I want to get help, my dad is not around and I only have one sister left. My fiance and his family are a great support, I don't have many friends.. Has anyone been through this before? Have you lost confidence in driving and had bad anxiety in the car I am getting to the point where i do not want to drive and don't want to be in the car at all.

GrievingGirl Break up and death
  • replies: 2

I’m not really sure what to say or why I’m here. I’m struggling a lot. My boyfriend and I ended out three year relationship (amicably) on Sunday. We just weren’t the one for each other. Regardless he was my best friend and the one I always sought sup... View more

I’m not really sure what to say or why I’m here. I’m struggling a lot. My boyfriend and I ended out three year relationship (amicably) on Sunday. We just weren’t the one for each other. Regardless he was my best friend and the one I always sought support and comfort from. I left at 9pm Sunday night. 9am Monday morning, 12 hours later, I took my precious 10 year old cat to the vet for a check up. I only recused her two months prior but she was a shining life changing beacon and lit up my whole life. 10 minutes into the appointment the vet told me she had aggressive cancer, was in significant pain and suffering, and there was nothing to be done for her. It was completely unexpected. I held her in my arms while she took her last breath and let her go that morning. I knew my boyfriend and I would break up that weekend. We had both planned it and wanted to spend quality time together to just enjoy the good parts before we went out separate ways. I had no idea my little cat was unwell and I would have to end her life that morning. It was 12 hours only after breaking up. It hurts because if it has been 12 hours earlier my best friend would have been there with me and comforted me and supported me through the grief. But we broke up so he’s not. I told him what had happened and he was sorry but didn’t want to be involved or change things. Im struggling ALOT to just function. Eating, drinking, using the toilet, sleeping, socialising, thinking. Life just seems completely and utterly impossible. I don’t have a lot of friends and don’t have family aside from my mum, who lives interstate. She’s helping as just as she can but I’m just so lost and feel alone in this grief. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be grieving, my beautiful cat who was my family, or the loss of my relationship. I don’t really know what to expect here. Am i overreacting and being too dramatic?