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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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little_flannel Grief a few months after loss
  • replies: 2

So I lose my Nan April this year and the last time I saw her she was in the hospital bed non responsive and so I never got to say goodbye I didn’t cry at the time as wanted to be strong for my sister and mum however I have since moved to an isolated ... View more

So I lose my Nan April this year and the last time I saw her she was in the hospital bed non responsive and so I never got to say goodbye I didn’t cry at the time as wanted to be strong for my sister and mum however I have since moved to an isolated town and with all my spare time the grief has caught up and I keep having flashbacks to that last day with her I miss her and need help to dealing with this grief

Abbey23- guilt ridden because of suicide
  • replies: 1

hi. Im really struggling to get past the guilt of my ex husband taking his life because i didnt want to go back to him. we were married for 28 years and together for 31. I left him in early July this year after almost 2 years of wanting to. It took m... View more

hi. Im really struggling to get past the guilt of my ex husband taking his life because i didnt want to go back to him. we were married for 28 years and together for 31. I left him in early July this year after almost 2 years of wanting to. It took me so long to leave him because I knew that he would take it really hard. Our marriage was wonderful and we had 26 or so really great years together, but i simply fell out of love with him. I decided early August that I wasnt going back to him and not even 12 hours after i told him of my plans was when he took his life. He was a functioning alcoholic but he worked hard for us his whole life right up until the day he died. He was a great man, husband, father and grandfather. we were good friends right up until the end. The guilt that is running through me is soul destroying and I know it wasnt my fault but that really means nothing to me when people tell me that. At the time of his passing, I felt like everyone around me, including our kids blamed me and i just cant get past it.

nicmor78 Loss of mother
  • replies: 5

Hi there, this week we buried my beautiful mother after a two year well fought battle with cancer. While it’s only been 10 days since her passing, I thought I was doing ok. I’m trying to put up a front of being ok, but in private I’m very much not ok... View more

Hi there, this week we buried my beautiful mother after a two year well fought battle with cancer. While it’s only been 10 days since her passing, I thought I was doing ok. I’m trying to put up a front of being ok, but in private I’m very much not ok.The thought of celebrating Christmas fills me with dread. I don’t want to ruin Christmas for my family, however I feel like I just want to crawl into a hole and come out some time next year. Christmas Day is supposed to be with my husbands family this year, but I desperately want to be with my family - is that selfish? I feel like they are the only ones that understand how I feel at the moment.I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced similar - it really is a challenging time losing someone so close this time of year, when everyone else is looking forward to the holidays and I just feel empty and numb.

MummaMel94 Neighbour issues and my emotions and long time grieving
  • replies: 3

Over the past few months, My neighbours have been a bit off a problem unfortunately, But than comes all my emotions, anger, hate towards someone who doesn't like us, purely for existing and doing things our way, And not hers... I'm a delayed griever ... View more

Over the past few months, My neighbours have been a bit off a problem unfortunately, But than comes all my emotions, anger, hate towards someone who doesn't like us, purely for existing and doing things our way, And not hers... I'm a delayed griever , So it takes me a few days after the funeral and such for me to actually kick in my emotions, But i can never be happy around the 12th of Dec each year. 12-12-2012, Was supposed to be a lucky and special time for most if not all, But unfortunately that wasn't the case for my family, You see, I lost the closest thing to a father to me, whom was my uncle, and a few days prior, a very very close family friend passed away to, But we got the news around the same time, that morning, Every year, without fail, I start crying and i turn into the Grinch, which i absolutely hate, As i have kids, And i hate being this way, I hate Christmas, All because someone who was more off a father figure to me, Departed from earth, 11 year's ago. I don't want to be this way, i used to like Christmas and such, Now im just miserable as , And just want Dec to be over and done with... I miss my uncle, the lady i called Aunty, My 2 lots off grandparents, and even my best friend that passed away the same year in 2012, was the family dog, off 16 years, Life just seems meaningless, I also miss the Nana that adopted my family, dad and so forth... She was such a lovely woman, her hugs we're the best. Sorry,. I just need to get this off my chest, I have no family anymore to talk to, and i feel all alone when it comes to trying to talk about how i feel like i can't cope. i know i need help, and ive tried getting that help multiple times, But no one wants to help me... Than homelessness came and made life even more off a struggle. Im a failure and i can't keep my emotions in anymore, and the neighbour that hates us, isn't helping with my emotional imbalance lately either

Francis_22 The feeling of unknown
  • replies: 1

Hi Ladies, I dont know where to begin. So lets start from the start… in 2021 August, my partner was so happy when we found out we were pregnant… though it was short lived, fast forward to our first scan at 12 weeks we found out that it was a molar pr... View more

Hi Ladies, I dont know where to begin. So lets start from the start… in 2021 August, my partner was so happy when we found out we were pregnant… though it was short lived, fast forward to our first scan at 12 weeks we found out that it was a molar pregnancy. Within 2 days I had been refer to to hospital to undergo a d/c. I was so confused as they said it was not a pregnancy to begin with but the symptoms of pregnancy and the loss of a pregnancy. I couldnt stop crying, it was hard especially when I found that it was a very rare case. Me! Why me? Thought it was finish the next day but no. For the next 8 months I was monitored. Taking a blood test that started as weekly then quaterly and gradualy every month. This was to monitor my HCG level. Finally in July 2022 I was release. Fast forward to August 2023, I found out I was pregnant. This time we both was unsure whether it is real or it could be a false pregancy like last time. We tried not to be too excited as we know being to excited always turns the other way around. I shortly book an appointment to my local gp which asked me to get a blood test. The blood test confirmed that I was 4 weeks pregnant. We couldnt be happier but at the same time ask the doctor would this be another molar pregnancy. She said its mostly not. Its like getting strike by lightning twice. She said because I was still early I had to wait at least 8 weeks to get and ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a gestational sac and a heart beat. I was in disbelived! Fast forward at 10 weeks I had a genetic Test at 10 weeks 2 days. Unfortunately at 10 weeks 5 days, i noticed some symptoms. Anxious, I called the doctor and she said there is nothing to worry about. The next day while I was at work, my symptoms increased. i went straight to emergency room with my partner. Doctor said that they cannot do anything unless with an ultrasound. I gotten an idea that it was a threatened miscarriage which can be save. Waitting for 1 day, until my next scan. Trying to stay positive at the same time so many thoughts are running through my mind. Here at 11 weeks exaclty I went to get an ultrasound, just as i thought there was no heartbeat,. I had a missed misscarriage. when i get home, the doctor called me to confirm about the sad news, she also received the results of the genetic test. It showed that there was an abnormality in the fetus chromosomes. I had actually lost the baby 3 weeks ago, shortly after my first scan. There was no growth… i started crying but then I realised it was never fully developed so perhaps its my body telling me that its not suppose to happen. The doctor recommend because i have no fever and just light cramps that I undergo the natural process of waitting for the tissue to pass on it own. 2 hours later, lying in bed i started to have the biggest cramps. still as im writing this to you, my cramps still hurting me. Im getting my blood test tomorrow and going to talk to the doctor about the passing and bleeding that im experiencing right now. The feeling of the unknown is so hard to describe. I want to stay strong for my partner because he is more vulnerable than me. Im feeling scared and i just hope this shall pass and ill be strong enough to try again. Hope that your not alone and there are others who are just experiencing this too. X

second time Loosing both parents as a child
  • replies: 2

Hi I am interested in connecting with others who lost both parents as a child. I lost my father to suicide when I was almost 10 and my mother with MS when I was almost 13. I had been living with my Aunty (Mothers sister) since I was 8 due to my mothe... View more

Hi I am interested in connecting with others who lost both parents as a child. I lost my father to suicide when I was almost 10 and my mother with MS when I was almost 13. I had been living with my Aunty (Mothers sister) since I was 8 due to my mothers MS and fathers drinking problem. My brother and only sibling took his life 2 years ago (also leaving 2 children) he also was a big drinker-I believe our adverse childhood experiences were a major contributor to his substance abuse and eventual suicide, my Aunty passed with dementia a few months later.I have a child now who is 5 and 1/2 years old I am 45-I am now a year older then my mother was-this year I am my fathers age and next year I will be my brothers age.I am interested in sharing some complexities and aftereffects and stories of resilience with others who lost both parents as children. Much love to all

Annmelbourne Health anxiety after loss due to cancer
  • replies: 4

I lost both my parents in short succession. My mom passed in 2021 from complications from chemo. Her death was unexpected as her lung tumour was small so she had a good prognosis. However, a previous infection resurfaced during chemo and she passed f... View more

I lost both my parents in short succession. My mom passed in 2021 from complications from chemo. Her death was unexpected as her lung tumour was small so she had a good prognosis. However, a previous infection resurfaced during chemo and she passed from sepsis 48 hours later. My dad passed 8 months later, also from lung cancer. He had been battling cancer for years so his death was expected but he still turned for the worse really quickly, which made his death a shock all the same. I wasn’t there for either of their passings. I live in Australia and both my parents were in Europe. My mom passed mid-pandemic and I had a flight booked to be there for my dad’s passing but due to his unexpected quick decline I missed it by mere days. I saw him die on FaceTime, it was traumatic. It’s now been 14 months since my dad’s passing and I’m still not over it. It’s been a rollercoaster full of shock, anger, nightmares, questioning the futility of life, guilt and many many tears. My newest chapter seems to be health anxiety though; I’m all of a sudden petrified of either myself or my husband dying/developing cancer. I actually went to my GP yesterday after being convinced I was dying for two days. Turns out I have acute bronchitis and not some obscure lung disease/cancer. I literally convinced myself my blood oxygen was dangerously low as I was short of breath, it was a perfect 99%. I thought I felt my fingers tingling and I was lightheaded, focussing on my breathing only made it worse, obviously. I nearly made it to the A&E but luckily didn’t make that much of a fool out of myself and only embarrassed myself in front of my GP - who very kindly enquired about my mental health as soon as we established that I would live. I’ve been like this for months though, my husband needs to be contactable at all times or I fear something has happened to him, I’m hypervigilant about bodily functions and I envision what my/his death will look like and cry in anticipation of the events when we are both healthy and only in our forties. It’s becoming a real problem. Has anyone else experienced this? And how did you get over it?

Eagle Ray Very difficult day
  • replies: 27

Really struggling. Feeling a deep loss in relation to my brother. Our brother-sister relationship has been damaged by his very disturbing partner. I never imagined something like this happening. It feels either our relationship will be destroyed, or ... View more

Really struggling. Feeling a deep loss in relation to my brother. Our brother-sister relationship has been damaged by his very disturbing partner. I never imagined something like this happening. It feels either our relationship will be destroyed, or he will finally see his partner for the disturbed person she is. But I know if the latter happens it will come close to breaking him and I seriously worry for his mental health which I know is extremely fragile having been his support through earlier breakdowns in his life. I feel like whatever happens there is tremendous pain. I have just had too much of it. My dear uncle is seriously ill in hospital. He was gradually improving but it’s still a vulnerable situation. He and his family have been so kind to me since the losses in my life of the last few years. I just feel so sad and don’t know if he’ll make it through. And that and the feeling of the growing distance with my brother who’s my last immediate family member brings up the deep grief of other losses. Dad had a serious degenerative illness. He at least died peacefully but then there were stressful circumstances after his death. Then Mum died in a very distressed state. I absorbed all the stress as her caregiver. She had suffered greatly from trauma-related anxiety and depression all her life. I tried calling the BB helpline today. I couldn’t answer the quantitative questions they ask you at the beginning. It just pushed my stress through the roof. I then rang Lifeline and the woman there was able just to be present with me and didn’t ask me questions about rating scales of distress which I find impossible to answer. It helped a lot at the time, just the human connection, but I still feel sick with loss and distress and just pushing myself through the motions of existing. I got a card to send to my uncle as he is too ill to be visited. I feel like everything that has held my world together is falling apart. I just feel unbearable grief. I’m staying near my friend at the moment who is lovely but I don’t want to burden her with how bad I feel as she has a new baby and I don’t want to bring that distressed energy into their lives. I’m so used to protecting everyone else from pain. I don’t know what to do when I’m in this much pain. I’m going to drive down to the ocean I think to try to feel better.

Karen0901 Grief of nearly dying
  • replies: 1

I nearly died a few days ago. I had a new baby and got sepsis after C-section delivery. I only lived because it was picked up early due to being in the hospital already. I have not yet had a visitor to the hospital that wasn't here to see my baby. I ... View more

I nearly died a few days ago. I had a new baby and got sepsis after C-section delivery. I only lived because it was picked up early due to being in the hospital already. I have not yet had a visitor to the hospital that wasn't here to see my baby. I begged for pain relief when I was in clear agony despite being in hospital. I didn't receive it until several hours later when the test came. I really thought I was dying. The lack of compassion was horrible when in that state. I am completely disalousioned about humanity. People don't care what you are going through. Only what they want etc. I love my husband and can't imagine life without him but as I sit here reflecting on death, I realized that I no longer trust love. Has anyone felt the same after a similar death experience? I'm not sure how to bond with my child now as I just see another person who will turn their back in me and others in time.

SizzleW Miscarriage
  • replies: 3

3 weeks ago I had a miscarriage. I was only 3 weeks pregnant. Is it silly for me to grieve? I've never experienced this type of loss before. The situation on how I fell pregnant isn't great and the dad of the baby didn't respond well and as a result ... View more

3 weeks ago I had a miscarriage. I was only 3 weeks pregnant. Is it silly for me to grieve? I've never experienced this type of loss before. The situation on how I fell pregnant isn't great and the dad of the baby didn't respond well and as a result we haven't talked properly about it. He doesn't know that I miscarriaged (we are not togther). I initially said I didn't want the baby (in which I feel terrible in saying that) I already have children (not to that person) but have no idea if I have hurt his feelings. He has a child already and is raising them on his own. I don't know what to do. 2 people close to me know that I have miscarriaged. But I don't feel like I should grieve about it. I feel silly that I'm sad and upset over something I didn't want.