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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Gem17 Losing my sister
  • replies: 5

I lost my sister 6 years ago now. She ended her life which was devastating. A part of me feels like I should be 'over it' by now because it has been so many years. But I don't think I've ever allowed myself to process or grieve the loss. I jumped str... View more

I lost my sister 6 years ago now. She ended her life which was devastating. A part of me feels like I should be 'over it' by now because it has been so many years. But I don't think I've ever allowed myself to process or grieve the loss. I jumped straight back into work after her funeral and haven't been able to talk about her with anyone. I'm wondering if it will ever hurt less when I think about her...

rosentity grieving my late brother and my still alive father
  • replies: 3

i lost my eldest brother to cancer last year. nobody in my family has been the same since, it has affected every aspect of the world. i just completed high school, and found myself with the freedom and time to begin to grieve properly. due to covid, ... View more

i lost my eldest brother to cancer last year. nobody in my family has been the same since, it has affected every aspect of the world. i just completed high school, and found myself with the freedom and time to begin to grieve properly. due to covid, there was no funeral or ability to see friends and family in person when he passed. to be honest it still doesn’t feel real, i’m not sure i will ever truly believe he is gone. things have been pretty bad, but the past few weeks had not been too heavy due to celebrations graduating and covid restrictions easing. but today, my dad came home and told me and my other brother that he and my mum had some news. he told us that he has been diagnosed with cancer. right now i am horribly overwhelmed in every sense, but it just feels like a joke. last year was hard enough with the loss of my brother, as well as covid, the family dog being put down, and my dad being mutilated in a work accident. it seems that this is never going to stop. i’ve been suicidal since very young, but with everything that has even happening i find myself wishing for it more. i feel like i’m already grieving the death of my father who is still alive. we don’t even have enough information yet to know if it is fatal or not. i still find myself grieving. feelings have been numb for a while, ever since we first found out my brother was diagnosed in 2019. i feel awful because i can’t console the rest of my family because i don’t have the right words to say. i don’t want to lose my dad how i lost my brother. and i’m quite scared i will do something stupid myself due to lack of emotions. i turn 18 in just over a month but i’ve never wanted to live to that age. perhaps i am grieving for my brother, my dad and myself. i miss my brother and i don’t want my dad to die. i am so very sick of this all

Garebear289 An old childhood friend took his own life
  • replies: 5

Hey, I'm Gare-Bear. Happy to be here I'm new to these forums and felt I needed to share a bit of my grief. This is a heavy post, involving suicide. Two weeks ago, a close friend from my days in Primary School took his own life. I hadn't heard from th... View more

Hey, I'm Gare-Bear. Happy to be here I'm new to these forums and felt I needed to share a bit of my grief. This is a heavy post, involving suicide. Two weeks ago, a close friend from my days in Primary School took his own life. I hadn't heard from this individual for a few years, as we naturally drifted apart after school. I remember hearing about his death late at night. I had just got inside to my apartment after playing basketball. My dad called, told me the news. My mum later took hold of the phone, hearing her cry was hard. She was absolutely devastated. To make matters sadder, my friend's nephew, was staying with my parents at the time as well. I was shocked and didn't know how to feel. I drove to my parents immediately and made sure they and my friend's nephew were alright. The grief wasn't immediate for me. It's been slow, and I experience the occasional sadness and melancholy from time to time. I let my close friends know within a few days of the incident, and they've been supportive of me. I've found focusing on my work, spending time with friends and having fun has helped. Back in primary school, my friend had introduced me to basketball funnily enough, so hearing about his passing after playing the game was kind of poetic in a sad way. He was also planning to catch up with me, my family and his nephew together. I've been reminiscing of my childhood alongside him from time to time, and I'm always going to remember his mischievous, cunning, and calm and collected personality. I'm in a really good space now, and my family has been well since then. I'm going to honour his memory going forward, and might start a photography project down the line as it's something I enjoy doing. If you are thinking about suicide, please know from me, who now has lost a good friend, that it's not worth it. Help and support will always be there for you thanks to places like beyond blue, lifeline and other services. Thanks for reading.

Gothamfan Loss of my cousins
  • replies: 2

Quite a few years ago I lost one of my cousins to suicide, he was only 18 and had so much ahead of him, a couple years later I lost another cousin he was around the same age and had recently had a child, I was very close with him and his death has ta... View more

Quite a few years ago I lost one of my cousins to suicide, he was only 18 and had so much ahead of him, a couple years later I lost another cousin he was around the same age and had recently had a child, I was very close with him and his death has taken a toll on our whole family, even after all these years I still find it cope with his death, I’ve learnt to accept it but it just makes my life harder. I’ve lost others over the years but I never really learnt to deal with grief

Clemorella My dog passed in October last year, and I still miss her.
  • replies: 6

It’s difficult in some ways mourning for the loss of an animal. I had a lot of people put their noses up at me when they found out how much I was spending trying to keep my dog alive. but they didn’t understand that she wasn’t just a dog. She was the... View more

It’s difficult in some ways mourning for the loss of an animal. I had a lot of people put their noses up at me when they found out how much I was spending trying to keep my dog alive. but they didn’t understand that she wasn’t just a dog. She was the love of my life. My twin flame. she was the very best part of me. It didn’t matter how crappy everything was, because I had her. so when she got sick, I spent a grand total of $32k on her vet bills before she passed in October last year. and I’m still grieving. I put myself into irrevocable debt. I’ve had to sign a debt agreement. Some weeks I can’t afford groceries. I have 0 savings and no prospects. and I just want my dog back.

BeKindRewind4Life I lost my mum
  • replies: 5

Hi, I just lost my mum to pneumonia, I feel so terrible and I blame myself, and I wish I could just tell her I didn't want her to die. It was at the end of last month, mum had been battling cancer since 2015, it had spread from her throat, to her lun... View more

Hi, I just lost my mum to pneumonia, I feel so terrible and I blame myself, and I wish I could just tell her I didn't want her to die. It was at the end of last month, mum had been battling cancer since 2015, it had spread from her throat, to her lungs, liver, shoulder, then back to her lungs. She had been in and out of hospital. I hadn't seen mum for a while, not because I didn't want to see her, but because she didn't want me travelling 3.5 hours by car when I had only just got my license, I got it late due to both financial reasons, and lack of help, paid for each of the 50 hours, once a month, and it took years. On the day I found out she was in hospital, there was a snow/landslide and I couldn't get to see her, the next day, I didn't go as I was told she was in for constipation, and I wanted the sun to be out as I was so worried driving as I didn't have any experience outside of the main street of my small town with hardly any traffic, people and no traffic lights. My car was overloaded when I went down as I was planning to fix everything for when she came home, but she never would. Instead I saw her for 30 minutes before she told me to go as it was getting dark, this was the first time I had seen her in 6 months as she kept saying not to come down and she was fine, I had uni, and there wasn't enough room to stay over, she said she would see me at the end of her operation, which was low risk. That night, we got a call, and I and my sister raced in, they pointed us to the room, and my mum was there, in pain, so they gave her some more morphine, she was saying how much she loved us, then went quiet. Her breathing got worse throughout the night and the Drs weren't doing anything apparently because of a care plan I didn't know about. In the morning a group of doctors came around looked at her and said they could drain her lungs but it would be too traumatic, and "you don't want to see your mum in more agony do you!" , my mum gripped my hand and raised it, I was in so much shock, words didn't come out my mouth, if I could have that moment back I would, but instead they left the room, and my sister cried and told my mum it was ok to leave. I feel so terribly guilty like I missed the moment to save her, even though I know it was impossible as her lungs were compressed, and tumours were on her airways, but just the thought that she wanted me to save her is tearing me apart every night.

Lisas4121 Sudden loss of my husband
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, My husband died in a motorbike accident on Friday 2 houses up from ours. We have a 13yo daughter. I have amazing support from friends but I feel utter despair at times. I'm so scared to be on my own and bring our daughter up. How do I ev... View more

Hi everyone, My husband died in a motorbike accident on Friday 2 houses up from ours. We have a 13yo daughter. I have amazing support from friends but I feel utter despair at times. I'm so scared to be on my own and bring our daughter up. How do I ever get through this? I have a counsellor appointment tomorrow for myself and my daughter wanted to go back to school on Monday so that has been good for her. The funeral is this Friday a very small and quick service. Any advice and support is welcomed, Thank you, Lisa

KatLady1 I lost my mum this year
  • replies: 3

I lost my mum this year due to cancer. I am struggling with the fact I didnt get more time with her. I wasnt there when i should of been. I was too focused in my own issues to be there with family. how do i cope with that regret and guilt of not bein... View more

I lost my mum this year due to cancer. I am struggling with the fact I didnt get more time with her. I wasnt there when i should of been. I was too focused in my own issues to be there with family. how do i cope with that regret and guilt of not being there

Lockrobnkel Sudden death of mother and feeling of anger towards everyone
  • replies: 4

I'm at a loss here, my mother passed away in the uk at the age of 75 3 days ago and I think it's starting to hit me only now. I've become angry, irritable and distant - the only family I have here is my wife and I'm pushing her away and doing the sam... View more

I'm at a loss here, my mother passed away in the uk at the age of 75 3 days ago and I think it's starting to hit me only now. I've become angry, irritable and distant - the only family I have here is my wife and I'm pushing her away and doing the same to my brother and sister in the uk away, the messed up part is that I know I'm doing it but cant stop almost like I want to destroy everything. Feeling that if i push hard enough they will all leave me alone and they will be better off for it. I'm just rambling here as i don't know what to say or what to do, christ I haven't even shed a tear what is wrong with me, all I am is angry not even upset!!! I just want to stop being a dick and hurting the most important person to me but have no clue how to do this,

LoziLoz Grieving still after so many years 😢
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone. **first of all can I please respectfully ask for no negative comments or judgement as I’m finding it so hard to forgive myself anyway** Back in 2013 I was in a fairly stable relationship - but I think in my heart of hearts I knew he wasn... View more

Hi everyone. **first of all can I please respectfully ask for no negative comments or judgement as I’m finding it so hard to forgive myself anyway** Back in 2013 I was in a fairly stable relationship - but I think in my heart of hearts I knew he wasn’t right for me or for the future I wanted for myself. At this time my mother was in hospital and was gravely ill with golden staf - and three types of bacteria that were completely destroying her body. In the January I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant and my whole world came crashing down around me. My first thought was that I just couldn’t go through with it - especially with my mum knocking on deaths door. I just didn’t feel like I could bring in additional stress to my family at an already highly stressful and emotional time. It was the hardest decision and experience I’ve ever had to go through - because as long as I can remember all I have wanted is to be a mum. It was such a traumatic experience and one that I still have vivid memories of (protestors etc made it just so harrowing for me) My partner at the time was supportive and he went through it all with me but shortly after he moved out of his parents home and he just changed so much! He then began to resent me and blame me for everything that we had gone through together - and still all these years later I am beating myself up about it and finding it incredibly hard to move on. I have seen a psychologist many times over the last decade but I’m still not where I need to be - not even close. One of my close friends has been through a similar experience and recently pointed out to me that I clearly haven’t forgiven myself and I need to do so. I’m now in a relationship that I’ve been in for two years And I am desperately wanting to be a mother - but I am also so completely terrified of going down that road. A huge part of me is worried that the traumatic events from 2013 will come back with a vengeance and it will be an incredibly emotional experience. My current partner does not know of the decision I reluctantly had to make back then and I really don’t want him to know either. I guess I’m trying to reach out for words of support and wisdom and hopefully for people to share stories and may have been in a similar / relatable situation before. The guilt I still have is incredible and part of me still hates myself for doing what I felt I had to do. I’m still feeling broken