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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Restless_Native I lost my wife to suicide 6 weeks ago.
  • replies: 12

Hello everyone, I'm not normally the type of person who posts in forums, or talks about my emotions, but my friends felt that I should reach out for some support. My wife, whom I was with for 22 years took her own life, and to make matters worse, I a... View more

Hello everyone, I'm not normally the type of person who posts in forums, or talks about my emotions, but my friends felt that I should reach out for some support. My wife, whom I was with for 22 years took her own life, and to make matters worse, I also found her. The frustrating thing is that although my wife had a history of depression, there were no signs that things were headed this way. Her friends and family also had no indication. There were no notes left, no letters to the kids, nothing. She seemed to be very positive about life, she loved Christmas, my daughters 18th birthday was close, she was organising things, and getting excited, for my upcoming 50th birthday, and she was due to start a new job 2 weeks later. It makes absolutely no sense. I have an 18 year old daughter (she turned 18, 2 weeks after my wife passed) who is absolutely devastated. Her mum was her best friend and she feels lost. She cries every day and cries herself to sleep most nights. She has also had the added stress of exams, which are now thankfully finished. My son is 15 and is showing little to no emotion. He has had the odd tear, but nothing much and that worries me. We have regular 'check in' chats but he just says he ok. My friends and family have offered to be there if he wants to chat, but he says he'd rather chat to me, if he needs to, which he doesn't feel that he does. I just feel numb and empty. I don't sleep particularly well but when I do sleep, I often wake up soaking in sweat. I have gone back to work, although I'm working from home at the moment, more for a financial need. My manager has been really supportive but I feel as if I'm letting work down as I find it hard to concentrate, I can't retain information, and I often find myself just staring into space, not knowing how long I've been doing it for. I'm not sure how long my work will put up with me like this, and I guess that also adds to my stress. Anyway, I'm not sure what to expect from this forum, but it feels good to get a little off my chest.

Guest_0846 Loss
  • replies: 2

I lost my best friend due to apparent neglect by a certain group that was supposed to be taking care of him and I can't get through the anger. What am I supposed to do

I lost my best friend due to apparent neglect by a certain group that was supposed to be taking care of him and I can't get through the anger. What am I supposed to do

FoxyRae Dealing with grief over the death of my mum (2+ years ago) and feeling lost
  • replies: 5

My mum passed away very suddenly 2+ years ago and at that time I was still living with her and completing my bachelor's degree. It was just her and I and our two cats, whilst my brother and sister were living with their partners. My mum and I were ve... View more

My mum passed away very suddenly 2+ years ago and at that time I was still living with her and completing my bachelor's degree. It was just her and I and our two cats, whilst my brother and sister were living with their partners. My mum and I were very close and when she passed away, it was as if a piece of my heart died with her. At the moment, I am living with my partner and am completing my masters. Whilst I thought I was finally happy, a lot of feelings have resurfaced and I am feeling quite lost. I thought I knew what I wanted in life but now I don't know. All I really want to do is talk to my mum about my issues as she was the only person who could ever make me feel better whenever I was down. Whenever I am a little down at home, I kind of feel like my partner sometimes tries to downplay my sadness because his own mum is quite an emotional person who tends to display her sadness and anger in very dramatic ways by making a scene. While I don't do that, I think my partner's response has been ingrained into him because of his own experiences with his mum. Due to this, I feel as if my sadness isn't justified and that I am being silly and should just toughen up. I guess I should approach my partner about this but I don't know how to.

7un13 Struggling going through grief losing my cat
  • replies: 5

It happened to me 4 days ago. And yes i am literally counting the days that I am away from him. He's my first cat and i take full responsibility in taking care of him. I am struggling so much from the fact that he left so sudden, quick while still to... View more

It happened to me 4 days ago. And yes i am literally counting the days that I am away from him. He's my first cat and i take full responsibility in taking care of him. I am struggling so much from the fact that he left so sudden, quick while still too young. I keep having flashbacks of that last moment, and it makes me feel so traumatised. I've been feeling rather detached throughout the day, and finding it so hard to concentrate on my uni which I have not been attending much of the classes. I think I am coping well and healthily, but the flashbacks are kind of haunting me. I still can't say his name or be the first person to mention him. I mean it's only been 4 days, so obviously I'm still struggling. Am i rushing my healing process? My sister recommends me to go to counselling so I might as well do. What is scaring me right now is the upcoming house inspection cause I'm still renting, which means I probably have to clean and put away all his stuff which I still left where they were. I'm scared. Is this normal?

H-c Dreamt about someone that passed away 5~ years ago
  • replies: 7

5~ years ago I lost someone that i dearly loved and I haven't had a dream about them for a while. In fact it's been months since I've had a conversation with them in my dreams. I don't know what triggered me to dream about them but they came into my ... View more

5~ years ago I lost someone that i dearly loved and I haven't had a dream about them for a while. In fact it's been months since I've had a conversation with them in my dreams. I don't know what triggered me to dream about them but they came into my dreams recently. I thought that I have finally accepted their passing but i guess not. In that dream I finally got a chance to tell them about everything that I've gone through these days, all the breakdowns i have and my thoughts. After that I woke up crying, to the point where i couldn't stop the tears that were streaming down my face. Am i still not done with the grieving process? everyone else seems to have moved on but why am i still frustrated and mad that they left every time I have a dream about them? I still blame myself to this day, if I had made them go to a hospital sooner maybe they would've been here today, if I hadn't listened to them saying they're fine when in fact they're clearly not.. I tried writing a letter to them and all that stuff but i still can't move on. it hurts so much my chest feels heavy but at the same time empty

Mich_pete Very sad still after lonely funeral
  • replies: 3

I'm still very sad because I couldn't get anyone to attend my brother's funeral because of covid. I had no way of making contact with any of his friends and colleagues, not for the want of trying, I couldn't get into his phone contacts. I spent a sma... View more

I'm still very sad because I couldn't get anyone to attend my brother's funeral because of covid. I had no way of making contact with any of his friends and colleagues, not for the want of trying, I couldn't get into his phone contacts. I spent a small fortune on putting advertising in the local paper's, I listed in the social media, but because I din't know his circle of friends I don't know if they knew what happened. It took the police nearly a week to find me. We had to wait a month to have the Funeral because I had to junp through a lot of hoops to get it to go ahead I wanted to meet with his friends to get an idea of where he was. But me and my husband were the only ones there. All I have is this very sad clip of footage. Sorry folks I have to vent... it's the only thing that I can do...

Theateam Grief and marriage breakdown
  • replies: 2

My husband lost his mum 3 months ago. Since then our relationship has gone downhill with lots of fights and distance. A lot of previous unresolved issues have also come up during this time and there's also no communication between us. He doesn't real... View more

My husband lost his mum 3 months ago. Since then our relationship has gone downhill with lots of fights and distance. A lot of previous unresolved issues have also come up during this time and there's also no communication between us. He doesn't really want to share much with me so I'm constantly guessing and wondering how I can best support. Obviously the death is still fresh and there's grieving involved. I've realised it's a bad time to talk about problems between us. But I'm also scared that if don't communicate about anytning the relationship will get worse. I'm feeling so stuck and deflated. I'm starting to feel a lot of anxiety about the situation as well. Has anyone been the partner of someone grieving. What was your experience? Or if someone here who has gone through grieving can share what grief was like for them so I can have better insights, I can better understand my partner's thoughts right now.

Thatrandomchick Grieving for my grandfather hasn't got easier
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone. I lost my best friend ever about 3 and a half years ago. To this day I still don't cope fully and feel like my life has stopped since he left. Everything I ever did was for him or because of him. To this day I still feel anger, disbelie... View more

Hey everyone. I lost my best friend ever about 3 and a half years ago. To this day I still don't cope fully and feel like my life has stopped since he left. Everything I ever did was for him or because of him. To this day I still feel anger, disbelief and rhe want to just see him or hear from him again. Is this normal? When will I feel normal again and not let it overcome me?

Bridget_Anne I still grieve the lost of my marriage.
  • replies: 1

Over a decade later I still am very sad that I had to not allow my exhusband back into my life. Nothing or no one has filled that void. I have done everything to keep him, myself & my adult son connected. Mainly through coming together for my son's b... View more

Over a decade later I still am very sad that I had to not allow my exhusband back into my life. Nothing or no one has filled that void. I have done everything to keep him, myself & my adult son connected. Mainly through coming together for my son's birthday drink. It is only just us when we come together. Unfortunately it does not seem to have the same significance to them. Families should always cherish each other because divorce for myself has come with the greatest grief, loss of my own family home, family times, extended relatives & friends. I was disrespected & for standing up for myself I lost the most.