Grief and loss

Stressed and tired increasingly suicidal about EVERYTHING

replies: 3

Hi, I’m reaching out because my mental health has deteriorated significantly over the last few days. Tonight I’m finding the constant racing negative thoughts increasingly difficult to manage and I’m hoping someone can help me get through tonight and... View more

Hi, I’m reaching out because my mental health has deteriorated significantly over the last few days. Tonight I’m finding the constant racing negative thoughts increasingly difficult to manage and I’m hoping someone can help me get through tonight and feel less alone. There hasn’t been one specific event. I feel like I’ve reached breaking point after too many things have piled up. I’m extremely overwhelmed, burnt out and struggling to function normally. Yesterday I couldn’t bring myself to do anything, took my PRN and slept most of the day. Today I’ve been trying hard to pull myself together because I have my children and need to care for them until they go to their dad on Friday. Work and financial stress are major contributors. I recently changed careers into youth/community services after studying for 18 months and rebuilding my career after having children and injuries ended my previous career. My current casual youth-support job is extremely inconsistent and there have been workplace/safety issues that have left me feeling unsupported and questioning whether I can continue. My income is unpredictable and I’m desperately trying to find stable employment that works around my children. Our household is already under financial pressure and my partner’s income can also be unpredictable. There are also longstanding financial transparency issues in our relationship that cause me anxiety, but I don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with that right now. We’re meant to be getting married next year and I’m scared everything we’ve worked towards is falling apart. I’m also carrying enormous guilt about my children. I worry my stress and mental health affect them. When I’m this depleted, I feel guilty that I’m not the engaged and patient mum I want to be, while simultaneously feeling like I have to keep functioning and appear okay for them. I feel extremely alone. My partner is working long hours/away this week. I’ve struggled to tell him how bad things are because I feel like a burden and don’t want him to feel responsible for fixing me. I don’t have local friends available and my mum is working and then travelling away. The thought of being alone with my own head is frightening me. For context, I have diagnosed depression, anxiety, Bipolar II, ADHD and FND, as well as chronic pain from previous back injuries. I’ve dealt with mental health difficulties for 10–15 years and have tried many psychiatric medications without finding something I can tolerate or that works well. I currently tolerate stimulants for ADHD. I also underwent TMS in 2024, which helped temporarily, but I can’t afford the time or cost to repeat it. I don’t know whether this is bipolar depression, situational stress, burnout or a combination. What particularly scares me is that at around 18 I sat on a bridge intending end my life. A stranger noticed and sat beside me for about 45 minutes, ultimately helping me through that moment. Recently I’ve described how I feel as being “back on that bridge mentally”, even though I’m not physically there. Recognising that similarity scares me. Over the last few days I’ve experienced intense hopelessness, overwhelm, racing negative thoughts, guilt, feeling like a burden, difficulty getting out of bed, wanting to sleep and escape everything, and feeling unable to see how all the problems in my life can possibly be fixed. Earlier I was directly asked if I was currently thinking about ending my life and my answer was no. However, tonight the negative thoughts are becoming increasingly difficult to fight, which is why I’m reaching out rather than trying to manage this alone. I’m also frightened of seeking professional support. Financially I can’t afford ongoing private care, and because I work/study in this field I understand mandatory reporting and involuntary mental-health processes. I’m terrified that being completely honest could lead to my children being removed or me being hospitalised. I’ve been hospitalised previously and did not find it helpful, so that fear makes it difficult to ask for help openly. I don’t expect anyone to fix my work, finances, relationship, parenting or entire life tonight. I just need help getting through tonight, slowing my thoughts down and not feeling so alone. If anyone can talk, offer support or suggest somewhere safe I can turn, I’d really appreciate it.

World Closing In

replies: 1

Went to my uncle on mother's side funeral. In recent years I feel nothing in common with mums side of family anymore. I am over 60, have two brothers and one sister very much alive, but at funeral wake which brothers and sister did not attend, I was ... View more

Went to my uncle on mother's side funeral. In recent years I feel nothing in common with mums side of family anymore. I am over 60, have two brothers and one sister very much alive, but at funeral wake which brothers and sister did not attend, I was left quiet lonely. Tried to start conversations with cousins and uncles who I had always adored but felt they all wished to treat me like I was nothing. I had taken day of work, jumped hoops to get time off for uncle's funeral but was totally snobbed off by my own family. I felt like in a small bear cage of loneliness that I didn't want to be in. So not only loosing favourite uncle hurt like hell, but being treated like I was nothing and someone to avoid made me feel like on Gilligan's Island without castaways for company. I came home and have been spend time since funeral day before today just having bouts of crying. Their is no one I can talk to as two brothers and sister have their own families and life, and while we text each other all the time, I feel the connection I need is just not there. I am forcing myself to keep busy with craft work and exercising at home. I live in Ipswich so there is not much entertainment to go out to to help break this loneliness. I feel my world is closing in on me.

Learning to Grieve What I’ve Lost While Moving Forward

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I’m new to the platform and thought I’d share something I’ve been wondering if other people have experienced or are still dealing with too. There are so, so many things in my life that I am incredibly grateful for, both things I’ve been ... View more

Hi everyone, I’m new to the platform and thought I’d share something I’ve been wondering if other people have experienced or are still dealing with too. There are so, so many things in my life that I am incredibly grateful for, both things I’ve been able to experience and things I have now. At the same time, though, there has also been so much grief and loss across many different areas of my life. I’m now 21 and trying to come to terms with how painful some of those experiences have been, while also dealing with the comparison struggles that can come with thinking about other people my age. I find that this can affect my sense of self-worth and identity, but there is also just the grief of everything I’ve lost and the things that are now gone. Sometimes it feels like I’m carrying several different kinds of pain at once, the pain of how difficult things were, the grief of what I lost and what I wish I could have had, and then the comparison of where I am versus where other people my age seem to be. All of those things together can feel really overwhelming. I’ve also been trying to work through some of the past hurts that were almost traumatic for me, particularly around close people not understanding what I was going through at the time and how deeply that impacted me. I’m trying to work through that huge past hurt of feeling alone and how terrible that was and how I still go through that sometimes now, while also understanding what those people have since explained to me, that they genuinely meant well and that there were things they misunderstood at the time or has a limited capacity/their own life happening. I think sometimes it feels like a wound that has been dug deeper, and even though things can be different now, it still takes time to heal from what happened and how it made me feel. I guess at the end of the day, I know that the people who love you can care about you as much as they possibly can and show that care in their own ways, while still not fully understanding what your experience has truly been like. You are the only person who has actually lived through everything you have lived through, and sometimes there can still be a sense of pain and loneliness even when the people around you are genuinely trying their best. I want to make it clear that my family has never been abusive and that they have tried to care for me as best they can. I know they don’t mean to cause harm, and nobody is perfect, everyone has their own struggles, circumstances and life experiences too. I can understand all of that while also acknowledging that some things were still really painful for me and how that has impacted me now to this day. Hopefully that makes sense. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, or is still trying to cope with something similar. And hopefully, if anyone does relate to this, you know that you’re not alone and that your feelings are valid too. 🤍 Thanks

a depressing start to september

replies: 2

father's day makes my dad's passing more depressing, even though i dont really so much on it on social media so far today i just feel a sense of emptiness. i miss being young. i miss not having health issues. i miss being happy

Sad

replies: 3

WHi All. I lost my dad to suicide 16 years ago, my step dad of 24 years to suicide 18mthd ago, my father in law 4 days after that, my marriage and now in a relationship that i am struggling with. I am so lost

At the end of my rope

replies: 3

I just don't care anymore everything is so hard. I have the weirdest family ever. I don't care about anyone anymore. Guys on apps only see me as someone to catch in a low moment. I dont know whether to care about it or not.

Mintie my girl

replies: 12

I tried posting but logged me out. My dog mintie of 15 years crossed the rainbow bridge. Its what was best for her treatment wise, Im trying to process that she is still here just not physical. Its not an ending because mintie was not just a body. Th... View more

I tried posting but logged me out. My dog mintie of 15 years crossed the rainbow bridge. Its what was best for her treatment wise, Im trying to process that she is still here just not physical. Its not an ending because mintie was not just a body. Thats what i believe. I have been through dv and only child so mintie is like a sister to me. I have been really distressed and throwing up but had a nap and im reframing this as treatment rather than an ending.

I lost my best friend 2 months ago

replies: 2

I met my best friend at 4 years old, we instantly became inseparable and stayed that way for the past 20 years.Our mums used to joke that we would end up together when we grew up (He is a boy, and I’m a girl) but somewhere along the line they realise... View more

I met my best friend at 4 years old, we instantly became inseparable and stayed that way for the past 20 years.Our mums used to joke that we would end up together when we grew up (He is a boy, and I’m a girl) but somewhere along the line they realise that we were truly more like twins than anything. We told each other everything, probably too open about some topics. He had Autism, ADHD, and ticks. He also struggled with addiction and mental health problems. I have PTSD and severe anxiety and depression but have been managing the past few years, honestly since he’s been gone I’ve noticed how much his ticks kept me regulated and I find it hard to settle myself down. Weirdly we just understood everything about each other and knew exactly how to handle each other’s emotions and reactions, we were each others safe spaces and favourite person, We were there for every moment of our lives and I cannot express how much this beautiful man meant to me. 2 months ago my BFF passed away unexpectedly, he overdosed on a dangerous concoction of drugs and alcohol. He struggled with addiction for several years but had been sober for the past few months and was attending regular meetings and taking his medication.It was simply one night of relapse, he had filmed a video explaining that he felt guilty and intended on calling his mum and restarting his sobriety in the morning.Unfortunately one of the drugs he took was known to be “faulty” and had even caused an overdose a few nights before. The person who organised this drug for my friend was warned to stay with him and to provide Narcan incase of an overdose.I’m not sure whether my friend was warned of this before he took it, the other person did not stay, no narcan was present, and no one checked on him the following day. (this is one of the hardest facts to process - I did not know anything had happened until the day after he passed)I cannot believe this is real and it’s taken so long for me to come to terms with the fact I cannot see him anymore or that it could have been prevented. I have been visiting his mother and son but each time I see them I spend the next day mourning everything again. I’ve been horrible to my boyfriend and I can feel my depression and anxiety worsening, I find it hard to see people or leave the house to walk the back streets to my boyfriend’s house. I feel explosive andI’m not eating or sleeping as much as I should. I’ve been seeing a doctor and started psychology again but i’m struggling so much.

HSC Trials and grief

replies: 2

My grandmother passed away a few days before my HSC trials begun. I was already extremely stressed adn unprepared because she had been sick and i was also experiencing other mental health issues. ive been in immense distress at least once a day since... View more

My grandmother passed away a few days before my HSC trials begun. I was already extremely stressed adn unprepared because she had been sick and i was also experiencing other mental health issues. ive been in immense distress at least once a day since then. It all seems to hit when you least expect it. her funeral was last friday which was the first funeral i've been to. It was a horrible experience and i've felt numb ever since. now, still in trials with Biology tomorrow, i haven't prepared nearly enough and yet i don't even feel anything. But somehow i also feel everything. each day feels like an out of body experience. i submitted a illness/misadventure form before the trial period started but i don't know the outcome of that so these bad marks could still count towards my atar which i've been fighting so hard to stay in the top 5 rank.i've been trying to do selfcare things but the immense stress im under hasn't allowed them to be very beneficial. not sure what im looking for here but just though if i was going to say it anywhere this would be good. how the heck do i deal with something so unfair?

Want some advice on dealing with grief due to cancer diagnosis of one parent

replies: 2

Hi all, thought I would appreciate some encouraging words and advice in this stressful time for me. Currently my dad is diagnosed with brain cancer and I am worried about dealing with a potential decline of his mental health over the next couple of m... View more

Hi all, thought I would appreciate some encouraging words and advice in this stressful time for me. Currently my dad is diagnosed with brain cancer and I am worried about dealing with a potential decline of his mental health over the next couple of months or years. At the moment he is very happy and fine and is patiently waiting on the results of his chemotherapy and radiation plan. I am very anxious about the results and the success of his treatment plan that hopefully gives him a very good and happy extended life. At the moment I am studying and working but there are moments where I couldn't concentrate on my studies or my work at all. I am wondering if anyone can give some useful advice, comforting words in dealing with this situation. I talked to one of the LifeLine and BeyondBlue staff and they have been very helpful. I am wondering if anyone has figured out ways to stay positive during this difficult time for me and my family as well as ways for me to deal with stress and anxiety? Cheers for the help and comforting words everyone.

Pinned discussions

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

All discussions