Immediate support
Immediate support

Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

Guest_10268 miscarriage
  • replies: 6

i have had two miscarriages they were 6 months apart our first baby in june 2024 i was 6 almost 7 weeks along my first miscarriage was just a normal miscarriage and our second baby was january this year i was almost 9 weeks along our second miscarria... View more

i have had two miscarriages they were 6 months apart our first baby in june 2024 i was 6 almost 7 weeks along my first miscarriage was just a normal miscarriage and our second baby was january this year i was almost 9 weeks along our second miscarriage was a complete molar pregnancy which im still going back and forth to appointments and regular blood tests to make sure my hormone levels are still at 0. it’s so exhausting, im tired and exhausted all the time even when i do absolutely nothing and i don’t if its silly but i feel like im still grieving and no one really seems to understand, like they are all wondering why i haven’t moved on or “gotten over it” but its a lot harder then people think even my mood has change im so angry and irritated all the time and i hate it. i really hate getting angry but i can’t help it, its like i’ve have everything bottled up because when i do talk to people they say they understand bc no body has been through it that i speak to

Soberlicious96 My Dad is dying and I don't want to see him
  • replies: 3

On November 20th last year (2024) my Dad was diagnosed with a multitude of aggressive cancerous tumours all throughout his body. Doctors said he would probably die by Christmas but somehow he is still going. He can't eat, can't toilet himself, can't ... View more

On November 20th last year (2024) my Dad was diagnosed with a multitude of aggressive cancerous tumours all throughout his body. Doctors said he would probably die by Christmas but somehow he is still going. He can't eat, can't toilet himself, can't get out of bed ..... he's barely existing and is probably weighing in at about 40 kilos, if that. He's in palliative care 30 minutes away. My issue is that I just want it all to be over. I'm sick of watching waste away and don't want to continue to go see him every week, even though I feel I should and know that I can. Cancer sucks and is breaking my heart. I feel so guilty for not wanting to see him. I just want it to be over. Why do people have to go through this? We wouldn't let our pets suffer like that. He's asked about euthanasia and to be honest, I kind of wish it could be done now. This is tearing me up and I can't take much more.

Chocolate59 Feeling lost & alone.
  • replies: 12

New here, so I'll try and just give a brief outline of why I'm on here. I'm divorced from an alcoholic & but it took me 20 years to get the nerve to leave. Thankfully I became the Mum of a puppy a year or so before I left & thankfully he gave me the ... View more

New here, so I'll try and just give a brief outline of why I'm on here. I'm divorced from an alcoholic & but it took me 20 years to get the nerve to leave. Thankfully I became the Mum of a puppy a year or so before I left & thankfully he gave me the courage to throw what I could in my car & drive away whilst he was out getting drunk again. We'd had another of our many arguments & I knew it wasn't going to be good when he eventually cane home. I rang a friend & drove to her house, parking out of sight. Her husband gave us some space to talk & she made a bed up for me - no dogs allowed inside. The thing was my little dog was used to being inside & couldn't work out why I had left him in the car. After all was quite I snuck out with a blanket & cuddled up to him for the night. My friend knew, but thankfully understood & didn't mention it. I had no idea where to go as my ex would never give up our home for me & I just wanted a safe place to have some piece. He hadn't shown any anger issues up until we'd been married for about 6 - 8mths. His first big outburst left me shaken on the bathroom floor with him still screaming at me & kicking me. I had stupidly thought 7pm dinner meant 7pm. Hours past 7 he came home drunk for his Hot Dinner & I said it's keeping warm on the stove & why was he late for it ? That was the beginning of my learning to live with a heavy drinker. I'm going to leave it here as I've over written on the beginning - I was 20yrs old & very naive - he was 28. I'll add more when I hopefully can get more confident in here.- Dogs Are No One. If you've read this far, thank you.

smallwolf Lessons on Grief (Part 2)
  • replies: 3

A somewhat difficult session with my psychologist today. I mentioned the death of Ozzy had a greater impact on me than ...So I'm letting my inner angry child out of the box here -We spoke about the Prince of Darkness—and I was taken backto my teenage... View more

A somewhat difficult session with my psychologist today. I mentioned the death of Ozzy had a greater impact on me than ...So I'm letting my inner angry child out of the box here -We spoke about the Prince of Darkness—and I was taken backto my teenage years,to the things that happened then,and the suffocating weightof being forced down a pathwhere I felt I did not belong,where I was not allowedto be myself.You taught me silence.I found music as my escape,where I felt heard,where I belonged,and at the same time,you made me feelI was falling off the path.Paradox.Don’t pray for me—you need saving, not me.In the end,your light was just a mask.The Prince of Darknessshowed more lovewith words…you’re no different to me.

white knight Coping with grief
  • replies: 5

In my experience with my own grieving and observing others, there is an initial period where others input has virtually no effect. During this period, which varies in length depending on the person, we can be there and listen, reassure with comfortin... View more

In my experience with my own grieving and observing others, there is an initial period where others input has virtually no effect. During this period, which varies in length depending on the person, we can be there and listen, reassure with comforting words etc. However it can be counter productive telling someone "you'll get over it" or "its for the best". That's because pure 100% grief hasn't room for logic nor room for reason nor explanation. What if you are the person in grief?. After this initial period, there will be a time when you'll return to your pre grief life, work, shopping etc. But you'll still be in grief. This is the point at which I encourage some strategies. Eg Im dedicating next year to my father. He'll want me to be as happy as I could be. Im going to create a corner of my garden to my sister. A place with a garden seat and climbing roses, her favourite flower My brother did not enjoy good health. I will in his honour, care for myself because he never had that opportunity. And so on. The art of channelling, which is what I referred to above is infinite in its realm of creativity and its an individual thing. It can make us extend ourselves beyond our projected capacity. Ever seen Olympians dedicate their journey of competition to a loved one? But IMO the greatest motivating factor is children. Those of us that have walked that dark path of suicidal thoughts and/or plans know that thinking of how we will leave our loved ones in trauma and grief can be a huge motivating factor for us to sever the idea and dedicate our lives to our children or loved ones. When I lost my wonderful dad I decided to ensure I would one day leave the world of my children with a similar memory... In summary- To assist yourself in coping with grief, allow yourself a period of time that you alone feel is the right length of time to just grieve....and not much else except comforting others. Then put in place ways of honouring your loved one and living your life as they would want you to. Finally, not to make their passing in vain. Grab hold of their legacy they've left and in their name ...never let it go. For that memory is priceless. Use that gift to leave a similar memory for other loved ones you will one day leave behind. Thats how I make sense of the passing of loved ones. Do you have strategies in coping with the passing of a loved one you'd like to share? Your ideas could help someone else Tony WK

Guest_91460414 Sad
  • replies: 2

My mum passed away12/5/25. Mum was my best friend Lucky I have my daughter. I now have a hole in my heart, making stupid decisions. My anxiety level is huge as I'm dearly with my stepdad who isn't very nice. Was so nasty to my mother when she was ali... View more

My mum passed away12/5/25. Mum was my best friend Lucky I have my daughter. I now have a hole in my heart, making stupid decisions. My anxiety level is huge as I'm dearly with my stepdad who isn't very nice. Was so nasty to my mother when she was alive. I don't like him.

Guest_28892282 Leaving Pet behind
  • replies: 1

I have been struggling recently. My partner and I moved to Thailand 3 years ago. It was supposed to be where we would stay forever. Both of us love it there. I'm half Thai, and have citizenship. The plan was to get married and live there together. I ... View more

I have been struggling recently. My partner and I moved to Thailand 3 years ago. It was supposed to be where we would stay forever. Both of us love it there. I'm half Thai, and have citizenship. The plan was to get married and live there together. I brought my 2 cats over from Australia to be with us as the renting situation in Australia was out of hand at the time and there would be no real way of finding them a home. Also, I have a loyalty to my pets, and the idea of giving them away for the sake of what would be more convenient for me didnt sit well. Knowing that Thailand was where we would be, we brought them with us. Things were going great, especially in our last year in Thailand. We found a place to live together, I was staying with my family prior to that with the cats while my partner stayed in a condo in the city. He wasn't able to stay with me due to some challenges with my family's religious views. When it became apparent that my family all had to move out and live separately for an extended period, my partner and I took this opportunity to move out and try move forward with things. I found a job as an English Teacher and my partner worked online. He would stay at home with the cats while I was at work. The little place we were renting was humble but such a serene and beautiful spot. We would walk outside amongst the other residents and all the animals (pet friendly properties) would be playing together in the common areas. It was just so blissful. Anyway, in this year, while we were both working and living together, my family were using their connections with immigration to try and get my partner's visa cancelled. (This kind of this is possible in Thailand if you know the right people). They were against my partner and I living together, even though we've been together in a serious relationship for 4 years. Well, anyway, it worked and my partner's visa got cancelled by some strings they managed to pull. We are now back in Australia, but due to biosecurity laws in Australia, we weren't able to bring our cats with us. We are currently renting in Thailand and Renting in Australia whilst having housesitters live and care for them there. Im required to be in Australia for at least 2 years because of my career and I am struggling so much. I feel like I've just been grieving for months and yearning to back there with them. I have been getting anxiety and feeling depressed and just having feelings that are completely out of character for me.

Guest_30824505 I miss you too much
  • replies: 19

I lost my mother in 2011. It still feels like yesterday. She was my best friend and I'm still struggling with her not being here. I want to move forward with my life for my kids, but I can't seem to get there. I wish I could let her go. Im so scared ... View more

I lost my mother in 2011. It still feels like yesterday. She was my best friend and I'm still struggling with her not being here. I want to move forward with my life for my kids, but I can't seem to get there. I wish I could let her go. Im so scared I'll forget her. I just wish it was all a bad dream. My partner of 15yrs is not empathetic and so when I'm upset he tells me to just get over it and I'm being pathetic. Honestly, I do feel pathetic and totally alone. Even after 15yrs I still feel like I'm still a stranger to him.Please help me to be able to move on by myself because I dont have anyone else

Gravity Death of an estranged parent
  • replies: 4

Hi all, My father passed away nearly 4 weeks ago, we had been estranged for well over 15 years, with the last time we actually spoke being a negative experience for us both. I was told by a family member 2 days before he passed away that he was not d... View more

Hi all, My father passed away nearly 4 weeks ago, we had been estranged for well over 15 years, with the last time we actually spoke being a negative experience for us both. I was told by a family member 2 days before he passed away that he was not doing well and had been moved to palliative care. It was at this point that I decided to go see him before he passed on, as he had no other family around him (he wasn't known for maintaining relationships) and I didn't want him to pass on without saying my goodbyes. I drove the 3 hours from my home to where has was, the drive seemed like an eternity with a million things rushing through my head, as well as emotions I didn't expect to feel given the time that had passed and the relationship we had. I stayed with him at the hospital until he passed away from lung and heart failure. Witnessing a man who was also so strong struggle to breathe, was definitely the most confronting and overwhelming thing I have ever done in my life. Even now I'm still feelings overwhelmed but still somewhat numb by seeing that.The numbness finally gave way to sadness, further complicated by the fact he had to will, no funeral plan etc. I am the youngest of 4 children, 3 (including myself) are still alive, I was left to handle everything from trying to sort out his financial and legal obligations to making the funeral arrangements and paying for them also. I have received nothing but abuse from one of my older siblings for doing all of the above, meanwhile no one else was doing anything. So needless to say, the death of my father has caused a lot of grief, sadness and massive feelings of being overwhelmed. Just when I think I am going okay with everything, I often feel this crushing weight of emotions that I can't even begin to describe. I know it is very early days but please someone tell me if gets easier. I feel broken on a daily basis.

Hope_1 Heartbreak
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend broke up with me just over a week ago. I knew it was coming eventually I just wish it didn’t happen. I’m so attached to him and that makes it worse I feel like my life is crashing down and I have nothing to live for or look forward to in... View more

My boyfriend broke up with me just over a week ago. I knew it was coming eventually I just wish it didn’t happen. I’m so attached to him and that makes it worse I feel like my life is crashing down and I have nothing to live for or look forward to in my life. He broke up with me because he was struggling and really overwhelmed with work and uni and he needed to work on himself so he can be better for me. He said he didn’t want to stay with me if he knew the stress was going to over consume his life and he wouldn’t be able to be there as much for me and give me what I need in a relationship. He has more of an avoidant attachment style and I have more of an anxious but for the last 2 months I’ve actively been trying to be better for him and knowing that he couldn’t put in the same effort for us hurts. We are still in contact because he said he doesn’t want to lose me and I don’t want to lose him either but I can feel him getting colder each day. I know he still loves me and misses me but I also know he’s emotionally withdrawing and there’s nothing I can do to stop that when all I want is him back. I feel so confused like how can he love me but not have the capacity to be in a relationship, I’m in a weird state of limbo. We have been together for over a year and friends for over 2 years, it sucks that I’m not just losing a partner but a friend. I feel like I gave him every part of my heart and soul and he just broke me. I feel so discarded and unimportant. The worst part is I’m not mad at him, I just miss him and I don’t know how to cope with losing someone that is still so important to me