Hi Jimmy66
I really feel for you so much as you face a kind of push back from what you've been pushing away or pushing down (suppressing). Such a challenging experience, to say the least, when that push back happens. Personally, I've found it's kinda like the powers that be saying 'These challenges in the way of growth will continue to be presented to you until you identify them, accept them, face them and manage them'. Once they're identified, accepted for what they are (a push for growth), faced and managed, personal evolution is the outcome. All so much easier said than done/achieved.
I've found a lot is about skill development too. As a gal who's faced a few decades or so of the ins and outs of depression, developing skills is a must when you develop the ability to naturally feel so much, including feeling what's wrong. Kinda like if what's wrong is 'No skillful ways of constructively venting', skills become a must. If what's wrong involves 'No constructive guides', the skills required to 1)recognise the feeling of a need for guidance and 2)finding the right kind of guidance become a must. So on and so on, when it comes to a lot of skill development. The overall skillset becomes that of greater self understanding. Even at 53 I still need guidance at times. Logic says new challenges will always be coming up in life and if they're first time challenges, the question or quest becomes about 'How to seek and find the right guidance and support'. Perhaps your GP might be the first port of call, in seeking a referal for mental health guidance/support. Perhaps it could involve speaking to a friend or family member who might be able to relate to some of what you're facing, based on their own experience. I've found sometimes the best guides are those who've been on that part of the path we're now struggling with and they've managed to find ways forward (are a little more advanced than us). Such people can often light the way ahead when it comes to such a dark and unclear part of our path. Can you get a sense of who'd be the best guide, just for a start?
