Where did my depression come from and when will it end?

[sickofit27]

Not seeing an end to ones struggle with depression is most frustrating and confusing thing about this state of mind. Picture this: you've had a few things go wrong in your life. A build up of normal things that everyone deals with happened to come at once; a break up with someone you still love, losing a job you loved, having to move back to your parents place which leaves you feeling like you've gone backwards in life, being screwed with by people you care about and trust. None of these are the direct cause of your depression but all were part of the catalyst. You feel weak because you can't deal with problems almost everyone faces at some point. You visit some friends to try to regain some normality, they all know your down so they try to "help" by telling you about people with much bigger problems than yours, this just makes you feel worse and weaker for not being able to cope with your now marginalised issues. On a good day you can still enjoy th work you're passionate about but on a bad day you can't even get through that without thinking "why do I suck so much at this?" your mindset is so negative your actually driving yourself to perform worse at the main thing that brought you joy in the past. You try pretending for a while, smile and talk to people as if nothing is wrong but inside your blank, you have no good feelings towards anything and after a while you become sick of lying to yourself trying to pretend like things are ok, pretending that you can get through this. You feel like crying (and sometimes do) at random points throughout the day seemingly for no reason, with no trigger, just because thats how you feel constantly. You have absolutely no drive to live, you've established some kind of work routine to at least not loose all your ability due to this spell of depression but you know it's not enough and you know it's not working. You question whether your just reinforcing bad work habits trying to work on anything in this mindset. Everyone in your world knows what your going through but no one knows what to do or say and they can't do anything to help you, they might try but they say the stupidest stuff that just makes you feel worse. "you need to get a thicker skin" "your overreacting, everything's fine" "Stop being so emotional" "Just think obout how other people have bigger problems". The worst thing about depression is that you know your the only one that can fix this problem but you don't know where to start.

[blondguy]

Hi '27

I dont blame you for being sick of it.....so am I.... even though I have only been on here for a few days there has been some really caring people on here to help me. You have had the guts to get on here and vent....and that makes you a Legend!

Do you have a support network of friends/family that you can bounce off? I struggle to find that but it does work.I cant fight depression anymore...I just ride with it....it does go away....depending on your lifestyle and what you are/have been going through.

I cry....no problem....I cant fix my depression either....I just put myself first and spend time when possible with people that laugh and crack me up...I do know people that have mentioned I overreact......but they arent part of my life right now as they just dont get it....

Your words are true and strong....Nice work getting on here 🙂

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[geoff]

dear Sickofit, welcome to the site and it does take a great deal of strength to post a comment even under great sufferance.
What you have told us is exactly what happens to anyone who is struggling
with depression, and all the issues that you have mentioned are the cause of
getting or starting depression, and perhaps not as you believe, by saying, ' None of these are the direct cause of your depression but all were part of the catalyst'.

Yes they are certainly catalysts because any other problems just jump on
board and add to how awful you feel, contributing then to our worst
nightmares, but they can be the biggest cause to having depression and
normally are.

Maybe, however, what you are saying is that something major had begun before these other issues which we don't know about or as you say catalysts.

Trying to deal with everything that depression throws at us is not only being in pain, but also confuses our life, complexes our understanding of why all we always think about are negative th