Trapped without Control

[McCann093]

This is probably going to sound like a "Oh boo hoo! Everyone gets this way" type of post but I need to get this off my chest.

I have been having a really tough time of late, no doubt in large portion thanks to COVID and the isolation it has brought on everyone in one degree or another but I cant help feeling trapped in my life with no control over any of it. No matter how big or small the choice to something might be. I am lucky enough to be an essential worker and therefore have kept my job through out the pandemic but many of the people I worked with have either left or been working from home all this time. I have no friends there. I am being kept away from my family, parents and siblings, and friends thanks to lockdowns and fully vaccinated requirements. I have two kids under 3yrs and the responsibilities and daily requirements take up all my time that its very difficult to take 5 mins for myself. More and more i am finding it harder to deal with and manage my depression and the episodes are increasing. Mornings feel like an impossible feat just to get out of bed, regularly showering is a struggle, all of my hobbies and enjoyments don't make me feel good anymore and the one thing that I should have control over is probably the biggest thing that is out of control... EATING! The weight is stacking on and I'm running on auto pilot. Unable to take control of my own life! Its as if I'm looking through my eyes but I'm not the one operating my body.

I was diagnosed with post natal depression about a year after my eldest was born and ever since then I've been sinking. Like I said big sob story right? I know there are worse off than me, my older sister has been hospitalised for her PTSD and depression getting the help that she needs.

I have tried seeking help from the shrink but with the pandemic appointments are all over the phone and mine is broken. I don't know when I'll be able to replace it. I just want out of this rut and back into an enjoyable life...

[Gabs_]

Hello McCann093,

Welcome to the forums and well done for taking a big step forward - getting it out of your head and onto a page is a a great start.

I am going to say to you that this "Like I said big sob story right? I know there are worse off than me" - No. No discounting yourself or your feelings. Your feelings are valid and, holy hell, a lot of us are feeling the mental health effects of the pandemic. Even before the pandemic, there was a lot of stigma around mental health and this attitude that there are "people worse off, I should suck it up". However, what we've seen is that those who have tried to keep going and keeping their feelings all inside, are the ones who are hurting the most, because they are never allowing themselves a chance to feel, rest and heal. And that is so important.

I want you to focus on baby steps. Can you book a day or two off and have a mental health day(s)? Can you ask someone to look after the kids for a few hours? Or even a few days? Sometimes catching up on rest (not depression sleeping, but proper rest and quiet time) can give you the circuit breaker you need to find some energy.

Re the psychologist appointments, have you thought about using the webchat function on the beyond blue website (if your phone is not working)? The people you speak to are trained mental health professionals and they might be able to provide you with some helpful tools. You'll find the link on the top right of the website. They are really caring and I rate them highly.

Have you also considered seeing your GP and considering your options, re the depression? Maybe going on some medication will assist in helping you get out of the darkness of depression, or have you not slip in any further.

Please know that we are here to chat with you and support you. We've all experienced these feelings at some point and it is sometimes so difficult to get your head out of the depression fog. That's why I say "baby steps" - just one step forward (like you posting on the forums) is progress and it's a step in the right direction.

If you feel like you have the energy, I really recommend the CCI workbooks and info sheets, just in an effort to stop yourself having those depressive thought spirals. I've used them before and, for me, they've made a difference: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Depression

Sending you a big hug. Here if you want to chat more.

G x

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I feel sad for you as you and I know you need to do a full circle on all these issues to make a strong affect on your life. That turnaround can be frustrating to initiate when no amount of trying gets you going. The time that is good to start trying I call "the timing of motivation" which I'll supply a link at the end of my post. You only have to read the first page of that link.

Once you arrive at the best motivational moment you can then put in place your plans. Being overweight myself I cant avoid snacking. I'm no dietician (and I recommend you see one through your GP) but I do know the basics- low carb, no added sugar, a little exercise and thats a good start. I'm amazed at the products in the supermarket now that fit into those requirements. We've eliminated pasta. For Spaghetti we replaced it with grated Zucchini for example. Crisps replaced with nuts, vegie straws and popcorn, iceream with low sugar yoghurt, white bread with low carb bread. We rarely use our oven- we use a air fryer thats much more healthy.

OK, I'm losing weight very slowly but I know I'm eating healthy now and thats all that matters.

Have you considered showering in the late evening?

Worry can be counter productive. Worry achieves nothing, getting you well is your priority. See another link below.

Your story isnt a sob story- its common and it isnt your fault. Raising young children is tough, I've done it and worked shift work and 2 other jobs at the same time when married to a very lazy wife. Eventually after 11 years I it all came to a head so we dont want that for you. Prevention is better than cure.

A visit to your GP can work wonders- just tell the full story. You might be eligible for assistance.

Repost anytime

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-moti...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/worry-worry-worry

Regards TonyWK

[McCann093]

Hi Gabs,

Thanks for taking the time to respond I wasn't really expecting anyone to reply just putting it all out on the page, or at least a portion of it.

I have seen my GP a few times over this and i've been given a mental health plan but its been difficult to get in contact with the psychologist. Medication is not something that i particularly want to do as i know a few people that have had a very hard time getting back off them. In saying that if they are needed I'd consider it.

The mental health leave id have to look into also as if it isn't something work covers i don't have any leave due to my not long returned to work from maternity leave with my 2nd bub.

I'll take a closer look at all your recommendations thank you!

[McCann093]

Hi Tony,

Thanks for taking the time to respond its greatly appreciated and thanks for the links ill check them out!

I have considered the late evening showers but i REALLY hate going to bed with wet hair and if i use the hair dryer it wakes up my son who is 9 months old - we have a smaller house. I find the best time for me is before work IF I'm managing getting out of bed that day. Its just trying to break through that wall.

[Not_Limited]

Hi McCann093,

First off, please know there are “no boo hoo stories, there are others worse off than me”. Everyone’s journey through life’s ups and downs are their own and how you feel and what your experiencing is real for you and should be validated as such.

Depression makes a person feel very isolated and alone in any normal environment, so to feel even more so when your normal supports are not available just makes it so much harder and I feel for you.

Postnatal Depression, if experienced with one child, has a tendency to be a repeat offender that can be experienced with other births and potentially what you are currently experiencing. A good first starting point would be to have a mental health appointment with your GP where you can together start a treatment plan that best suits you. You can also contact your local Child Health Centre. They should be able to provide you with different support assistance as well such as counselling, parent support groups (although these may be via Zoom) etc.

Do you have a partner to support you or a neighbour you could ask to watch the little ones while you take some time for yourself?

[McCann093]

Yes I have a very supportive husband who does what he can though we are currently working opposite shifts with our jobs I'm early mornings and he's late nights. He would get home around midnight if no OT so we really only get about 15mins to 30mins with each other on a weekdays. As far as anyone else I'm trying to wait out this lockdown so that i don't get myself or anyone else in trouble. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel though in NSW so long as Glady keeps her promises lol

[Mk2692]

Hi McCann093,

I'm glad that you had the courage to reach out and communicate on the forum about what you are going through. Lockdown has deeply affected our lives and unfortunately we have no control over it. It's great that you are able to leave the house for work, but it sounds like you have a busy life with work and kids and with COVID, not much people are around to help you through it. It's great that you want to take back control of your life, however it can be sometimes hard at the start, but once you get started it will be easy to maintain. I'm not sure if you have reached out to your family for assistance. I'm not sure about NSW but in Victoria a person can come to your house if they are providing care, If a family member for instance is babysitting your children, then they are allowed to come into your house to do so. I think this can help alleviate some time for yourself to take a breather, go for a walk or even do some yoga or meditation to help you feel more like yourself. I personally find physical activity helps boost my mood, even on the days i don't feel like I can do any, I push myself and my future self thanks me for it. I know you mentioned that you tried to see a psychologist but they weren't doing face to face appointments. I personally find face to face appointments more beneficial and i've discussed it with my psychologists and he has accommodated for me. Maybe speak to your psychologist about it and see if they are able to do that for you. If that isn't an option then ask the GP if there are any other psychologists or counsellors near you that are doing face to face appointments. Hope that helps.