tired and overwhelmed
As a mum to four beautiful kids, I can't help feel that I am letting them down. I have so little energy that I am not able to involve myself in their lives as much as they deserve.
I am so tired, I am unable to keep my house tidy- much to my husbands.horror. I am so overwhelmed!
I take my meds everyday, but I feel as if slowly but surely I am slipping under. I need to find my enthusiasm again, I need to get my zip back. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I need some ideas on how to be happy, I would like to know why I feel so flat...
Arrrggghhh! I love my kids so very much xx
Hi noenergy. I am not the best person to give you advice as there a lot of people on here with more intelligent and insightful responses than mine. But I can tell you that I admire and respect the job you do. To raise 4 kids is one hell of a job but to do while battling depression is mammoth!
Keep hanging in there because from my point of view there is no bigger reason to keep on going than having 4 beautiful kids and a loving partner
I wish you all the best and hope you find that spark again
dear Noenergy, raising 4 kids whow what an effort that is.
There is so much to do, and if your struggling with depression, it's seems to be an impossible effort, because everything you do you might as well multiple this by 10 fold.
Cooking, dressing, feeding them, making school lunches, taking them to the doctor, dentist, checking their homework or helping them do it, answering all their questions, having their friends over or taking them to their friends place, whow, it's an enormous effort, and it's no wonder why you are tired.
I have to cook, feed and take my two dogs for a couple of walks a day and this makes me tired, especially my beautiful white puppy who has cancer, so I take her to the vets.
Your husband must understand that your job as a mother is much more demanding than his work, which is 8 hours a day, whereas yours is 24/7.
Ask him if he can take the kids away for the day so that you can get some sleep time, fairs fair, and when he says to you that he wants a day off, because he works 40 hours a week, big deal, so what, your work is constant all the time, that's 168 hours a week, now compare that to 40 hours, an enormous difference.
You need this time to regain some sanity, because if you don't have this then trying to cope with depression will only be prolonged. L Geoff. x
You may have noticed a general theme among the answers so far: DELEGATE. I believe these answers above are suggesting you delegate the wrong burdons. You have explicitly stated that the love you have for your kids is where you draw your strength from, so I believe it seems logical that any efforts made to distance you from your kids, for any more than having the kids sleep over at friends houses, will reduce the stress you feel pressured by, but will also remove the source of your strength. This is not a solution, and I am deeply disappointed that this has become the standardised reactionary measure for the Australian Government in cases where parents are overburdened.
If you’re worried about giving people tasks that would require putting a lot of trust in people you don’t know, don’t give them those tasks. Get to know them first, build relationships, let them prove their strength of character. If you find it hard to learn so many peoples’ names and character in such a short period of time, write things down in a ledger with pros and cons for each person.
If your husband knows anything about human resources (HR) management, or has a colleague that does, ask for evaluation forms and the like, and ask your husband to do the character assessments. Everyone that is willing to volunteer help is valuable, so don’t turn anyone away, even the worst criminal you can imagine. They may be looking for a way to redeem themselves. Just be careful which jobs you give to whom. And if a person consistently demonstrates strength of character, offer to be a referee or write a formal reference that could help them find work. The letter you write could save their life! When it comes to writing references, the ledger I mentioned will come in handy.
dear Mel, my sons are in their 30's, but what I do remember was that when they were adolescents and I was in my period of depression there was never a time when we didn't have kids come over after school and then week ends, and always take them on holidays, which I dreaded.
All I wanted was peace and quiet no noise, however I cooked the meals during the week days because my wife worked for not only the 4 of us but their friends as well, at that stage I still like to cook, now I hate it.
My wife thought that some friend of the boys should stay with us full time, but I never liked him, he was a 'know all' and always rubbed me up the wrong way.
At the week end they wanted me to go to the football or market, but I couldn't go, I just wanted to be alone, and the peace and quiet was great, I could sleep.
School holidays were disastrous kids always staying all the time, noise after noise, I loathed every minute of it.
They never stayed at their friends house always ours. L Geoff. x
I'm going to present two contrary perspectives in an analysis of Geoff's post: A highly critical, negative analysis, and a positive, motivating, representative example of what happens when people try to deal with their problems while trying to retain a sense of pride. Either way the story is sad for Geoff, my parents, and I. In my life I have always tried to learn from others and do something different. The hard part is to hear or read their story in a way that helps, by providing confidence and empowerment, rather than demotivating and discouraging. Fear is rarely the healthy reaction, but it's been destigmatized into normality.