This time of year triggers me
Does anyone else find this year triggers them emotionally? I’ve had a few bad things happen consistently in December and I thought I was doing well but I find myself here today feeling.. well pretty down and emotional. I say down which probably means depressed but I’ve never been one to want to admit I suffer from depression. I go through times in my life where actions make me depressed but today I’m not sure I have a reason other than it being this time of year. Does anyone else get that? Times of the year they feel triggered by past emotions and actions?
I used to love Christmas time, like a watch Christmas movies, have carols on all the time, couldn’t wait to see my family, would have the decorations up super early, say merry Christmas to everyone one I’d see type of Christmas love and now I feel like the grinch. Could not care less about Christmas. I do care if I see my family but the rest of it you can have and I hate that I feel this way.
My apartment block had a Christmas party last night which I was an organizer of. Came to yesterday and I felt flat and run down, so I didn’t go. I should have gone but I was quite achy and in this day and age I don’t want to chance being the person that went to a party and gave everyone COVID. So I stayed home. In bed on my own. Now I’m also dealing with FOMO fall out. I know my troubles are less compared to others and I know people are struggling with more difficult stuff I just feel I have no one to talk to. If I say anything to my family they’ll get worried, my partner is a very alpha male type person so I don’t feel like he wants to listen to my emotional stuff and I don’t want to talk to any friends about it either.
I don’t know what I’m looking for, just to get it off my chest I guess.
Thank you for sharing and what an interesting username you have there.
Gosh yeah, fellow grinch here. I see the jollyness all around me and I'm waiting inpatiently for it all to end.
While I'm not sure what's happened for you over the year I also find that during the year I feel impacted on certain days even if I can't figure out why- I later realise that it's the anniversary of someone dying, and it always kind of amazes me that my body like remembers? So I wonder if maybe this is the same for you too - in that it's not just the time of year but also your body remembering some of the things that makes this difficult. I hope that makes sense.
It's also okay (and incredibly relatable) that you have a bit of FOMO too. I am dealing with this as well and I think it's okay to let the two co-exist, even if it doesn't seem to make sense.
I hope that this is kinda helpful; I'm happy to chat with you about it anytime.
Thanks for the response. I like the word play, just appealed to me 🙂
Yeah agree with you and makes sense with the body remembering past events. I’ve had quite a few bad life events happen around December for the last 5 years. Last year was a good year and I thought I may have been through it but nope.. good old mind and body don’t give up that easy! It really sucks as I see my friends and family have so much joy and I just don’t. Like you, when is this Christmas time done and dusted? I spoke to my mum earlier and made a comment I wasn’t in the best head space and might be this time of year she came back with ‘but it’s a new year’ yep it is and bless her I’m lucky to have her as a mum but it doesn’t seem to work that way.
Think also my partner has thrown me for a loop. He’s said he doesn’t want to come to my parents for Christmas (they are interstate, not a super long trip but over the boarder) for a few reasons and I don’t think the reasons (except one and there’s nothing I can say about it but be supportive) is that good. Feels like he doesn’t want to spend time with my family. Even his parents were surprised he wasn’t coming with me. Yet again this time of year disappoints.
I never really thought about letting the 2 co-exist.. hadn’t crossed my mind but you might be onto something there. Still sucks though.
Thanks again for the response, it’s helpful.