should I quit my job ?

[Sydsider]

45 male, married with 10 years old daughter. Lost motivation for everything!

Work,

• WFH at the moment, but no energy to do anything since 2 months ago. No passion, don't want to turn on computer in the morning, stay in the bed until 11 am sometimes.
• Even if I am sitting in front of computer, I can waste my whole day doing nothing.
• If I keep dragging on, will fail my whole project team. Feel extreme bad and guilty, as I will be affecting other team members. that is the main reason I am considering quit.
• I don't want colleague to know my MH issue.

Family :

1. Married 13 years, separated 6 years ago, both then she move back 10 months later. Still share same commitment of raising daughter.
2. Sleep in different rooms, handful of sex per year.
3. If any argument, I will take all words and walk away quietly.
4. Seems normal marriage, but no more real communication, so I am kind of dead inside. In deep of my heart, I fear she might leave after our daughter become independent.
5. When I am in low mode recently, she is doing more 80% house work (I appreciate a lot)
6. She don't know GP had refer me to see psychologist for depression problem.
7. if I quit my job, very likely she will be made about it.

Myself,

1. Nothing really interest me, man of no hobby ! No smoke, no drink , no sex, no happiness, no hope , no nothing !
2. Job is now source of pressure , not achievement anymore. I do have some saving + investment income to support my life.
3. Problem is with me clearly, because I am way to soft. And I am keep day dreaming without any action!!!!!
4. I was keen traveler, but she never like it. So I changed and live the life she preferred.
5. I like social with friend, but she didn't. Now I have almost no social life, and I kind of lost social skill now. (so does my daughter, she is replicating mom. Killing my last hope.)
6. I celebrate their birthday mother's day etc, In return, I am Getting no gift nor even a hug for father's day.

Overall, what is meaning of being myself as a human being ????? In my current life, there is nothing I really want, nothing I really enjoy.

Should I quit the job as starting point ?

[jaz28]

Hi Sydsider,

I am sorry you're feeling stuck. Instead of quitting, is there any way you could get some personal leave for a few months? In that time you could see a psychologist and get your head together?

In regards to your family, it is important to think of your own happiness as well as your daughters. My parents were similar, they slept in separate beds but never "broke up and moved out" because of my siblings and me. When they finally did, we were all so much happier. I am not at all saying you should do this, but it's just my experience.

Talk to your wife about what's going on in your head, you also need support right now.

All the best,

Jaz.

[ZannaZ]

Hi Sydsider,

Im so sorry you are feeling this way, reading your post made me feel sad for you as I can relate to a lot of what your experiencing the good news is there is light at the end of the tunnel.
it’s important that you seek a professional for help and guidance, take some time off of work and make it a priority.

I quit my job 2 years ago from anxiety as I have ADD I’m 46 years old and my husband is an alcoholic I desperately needed a change. I started the Keto diet which got me into a new interest I lost weight and started to get more energy. I disconnected from issues I couldn’t control and put more focus into what I needed. I started walking every morning as the exercise gave me a happier mind ( it wasn’t easy but I pushed) give yourself some special attention, listen to what you need and reach for it. Living separately from your ex maybe a good idea but I think speaking to a professional is your best option, make an appointment and go for it. Best of luck 🤞🏻 you deserve happiness.

[Croix]

Dear Sydsider~

I'd have to agree with Jaz, quitting should come at the end of the process if it is still necessary, not the start. Investigating abut all sorts of leave would be a good idea.

At the moment you sound very much like I did when overcome with depression. No need to go into details, however my thinking was taken over by the illness and things that were hard -yes I had real everyday problems - became impossible, I too felt I was letting colleagues down and wanted to quit.

At that stage it's not a good idea to make big decisions. you need a clear head for that . Like the other advice you have received I'd echo that competent professional medical help is the way to go. Not an instant fix but as time goes on you can become in a much better position to cope and see things as they are.

Do you think talking things over with your wife as well might help? Not arguing or being accusatory, just saying what your problems are and getting her reaction.

Croix

[Jimmy2]

Hi Sydsider,

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Quitting your job is a big decision with lots of implications. I would not decide one way or the other while you are unwell (depressed) as it is easy to lose perspective. It would be worth taking into account that not working can also impact on your mental health. For example many guys self worth and identity is tied to their professional skills so when this is taken away mental health can deteriorate. Loss of income and associated financial stress could also have a negative impact on your depression and relationship with your family.

I'm not saying leaving your job is the wrong thing for you (your decision) but it might be wise to concentrate getting on top of your depression in the short term. Good on you for going to the GP and a psychologist. There are also many things you can do for yourself like concentrating on getting regular exercise, enough sleep and having a good diet. No doubt you have heard all that before.

A more left field thing you could consider would be putting time and effort into your relationship with your daughter. This could include taking and helping with her homework. Trying to do regular outdoor exercise with her will be a positive for both of you. Just do whatever she is interested in whether it is walking, bike riding, swimming or basketball. Many men who struggle with depression lose motivation and can't find joy in anything. For me seeing my children getting out there having fun is the best way to get me out of the house and lift my mood.

Is there any chance you could reconnect with some of your old school or workmates? Having a few trusted male friends who can support you would help immensely. Even better if they have children a similar age to your daughter. I think it is great for introverted kids to have a group of friends outside of their school environment. You will understand what I mean if you can get this happening.