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My friend is about to have a baby and i'm worried we won't speak as much anymore.

Walto17
Community Member

Hey guys I'll try to be as brief as possible.

I suffer from anxiety and insomnia. I usually play x box in the night with a female friend who we have same issues, we've been playing xbox together for about 2 years and she's never been able to have kids so her and her partner decided to have a surrogate baby. The baby is due any day now and i'm worried that when it arrives, her and me won't play xbox together anymore as having a baby changes your life. The reason why i'm depressed is because she is the only person i play xbox with as i lost a lot of my friends and having my friendship with her suddenly gone is a bit scary and depressing. I have trouble sleeping normally so playing xbox with her always made me relax in some ways and i know it sounds selfish on my part, but it;s because i really value her as a person and friend and i'm just wondering what type of advice anyone can give me to help get through this depressive feeling i have right now. It's hard for me to make new friends and if i knew i was able to sleep fine, then i wouldn't be so depressed but it's just the feeling of being a lone at night that upsets me a bit.

7 Replies 7

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Walto, when the baby arrives, your friend may want to include you in all the developments the baby does, as it progresses on in life, and may want you to help with cleaning the bottles, make the milk, even change the nappies, so this could replace playing the xbox.

Don't forget that having the first baby does change your daily life and may need you to help with this emotional difference, even baby sit while she catches a few winks.

I wouldn't worry just yet, that could cause problems before or if they ever begin, she may want help planning the room or such or just want moral support.

Geoff.

Walto17
Community Member

Thanks Geoff.

That would be a good idea, only issue is we live in different states, so we communicate via xbox or facebook/instagram. Was going to message her before as i saw she was online on facebook but when he chatted the other night, she said she was feeling drained because she's had anxiety waiting for the baby to arrive so i've been giving her space as i don't want to overbear her. I'm thinking of messaging her tomorrow to see how she's doing provided the baby doesn't arrive.

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Walto, it's probably a good idea to keep in contact with her, she may have some thoughts she'd like to talk about, because having your first baby, especially by surrogate is a huge decision, and there could be many unanswered questions she doesn't know the answers to.

Waiting for the baby to arrive can be very anxious when she has nothing to do with its birth, so perhaps you could have a look at 'surrograte babies' or along those lines.

Geoff.

Walto17
Community Member
Thanks for the advice Geoff, i'll give it a go.

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Walto, if you want to keep us informed that would be great.

Many thanks.

Geoff.

Walto17
Community Member

Hey Geoff, sorry about the late post. She had her baby Monday morning. Woke up to a message she had sent on facebook not long after the baby had been born so i thought that was nice that she thought of me as a close friend to first share that information not long after the baby was born. Told her i was happy for her and i let her know if she ever needs anyone to talk to that i'm always here for her and she said thank you.

While i don't expect her to get on xbox anytime soon as she has only had her baby i can't deny the thoughts in the back of my mind now that she has a child, will she give up her time on xbox with me all together? I know we can't do what we used to anymore now that her life has changed but i guess all i can do is wait and see if she decides that maybe after she's become settled with her baby and things get easier, maybe she'll get on from time to time, even if it was once a month for an hour, i'd be happy because at least i'd know she would always be willing to have a game or two and a chat then not being around at all.

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Walto, could to hear back from you and please do at anytime that suits you.

By having a new baby her life is going to change, up early, during the night feeding and preparing bottles, nappies and everything else that's involved, so her usual routine is going to be different and it may not be able to get back to what you both did before, but that doesn't mean you can't be involved with her and the baby in other ways.

I hope not.

Best wishes.

Geoff.