life is out of control

[Poppy81]

I have been struggling with depression recently on a bg of anxiety for years. I had a very scary childhood full of abuse, sexual and physical. I have been in a loving same sex marriage for 9 years but recently our circumstances have changed and I feel like my partner has been pushing me away more and more, I have tried talking about it with her but she doesn't like talking about feelings and says I ruin holidays that are meant to be happy talking about this stuff. I feel like I am messing everything up and I feel myself sinking lower and lower. I think  Antidepressants just make me feel numb but don't fix anything. Could the Antidepressants be making me feel worse? 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Guest_30449562,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums….I am so sorry that it has taken a while for a reply to your post…

I can relate so much about your childhood, I also had a horrid abusive childhood….Im sorry you went through that…

Antidepressants takes a while to kick in and work, it’s something that you really need to talk to your prescribing Dr with…and let them know what you’re feeling (numb) and not feeling like they are working or helping you at all….

Most people who haven’t been through abuse,  don’t know how to react, feel or support someone who has survived abuse…I am sorry your partner seems to be pushing you away…it might be because it’s hard to hear about the abuse you went through because she loves you deeply and it hurts her to hear of the physical and mental pain you’ve been through…

Do you have a counsellor or professional help, that you can talk to?…if not and if your open to it, your Dr can set you up a mental health care plan…which gives 10 free sessions a year…

My kindest thoughts Dear Guest,

Grandy..

[james1]

Hello there,

I'm really sorry to hear about your childhood. That sounds terrifying and I hope you are in a happier and safer place now.

It does seem like your partner has been more distant than you'd like and perhaps were used to. I'm sorry to hear you feel like it's your fault. I think relationship issues tend to be a two way problem - we're not usually completely free from blame, nor are we ever solely to blame. It sounds like you are trying to resolve it by talking, and perhaps your partner isn't ready or unwilling for some other reason. I hope you can find a way through this, as it sounds like you still love her a lot.

As for antidepressants, it may be worthwhile speaking to your doctor again about them. The numbness you described is a relatively common experience, but I think the doctor can help talk you through the expectation and some alternatives as well. I always thought about my antidepressants as meant to help level out the really bad times, so I wouldn't be overwhelmed by them. I am not sure what your ones are supposed to do, but that's probably a conversation you could helpfully have with the doctor.

I hope you are going okay. Take care for now.

James