It just keeps getting worse

[jim]

Ok where to begin... I know i have posted on here before but my depression is getting worse and thought that i would post in here again to try and get some help i am seeing a psychiatrist but all he seem to focus on is my being gay... Oh i am gay i should have said that. So all he seems to want to talk about is my homosexualty keeps saying i havent dealt with it witch i have.. just lately i cant seem to snap out of it i am sick of feeling this way nothing i do is helping i go for walks i go to work nothing is helping im at a loss and am really thinking of ending it i just can not cope any longer.

[Ruth_M]

Hi Jim,

Welcome back to the forum! 

We're sorry to hear how difficult things are for you right now. It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed and hopeless about things ever getting better, leading to thoughts about suicide. 

At the same time, we can also see that you don't want this to be your only option, and would like to get some help. So we're really glad you decided to post about your feelings to reach out for support. 

Whilst the therapy with your counsellor may not be feeling so helpful right now, there are lots of options still available. You could try bringing up these concerns with them, or even consider changing therapist to someone who you feel better understands your needs. You haven't mentioned whether you have tried other treatments for depression like medication, group work, etc??

We'd strongly recommend you let someone know about how you are going, sooner rather than later. We're concerned for you and if you are feeling at risk of harming yourself, please let someone help you through it. You can call our Support Line, 24 hours a day, on 1300 22 46 36, and a counsellor can talk with you about how you are feeling, options for support and (if needed) help you make a plan to keep yourself safe until you are feeling a bit better. You can also chat online with a counsellor via the Webchat (see homepage for further details).

Many people on this forum have been through similar dark times, and will be able to offer other support and advice. We really hope you keep in touch with us to let us know how you are going.

With best wishes

beyondblue moderation team

[rachaelx]

Hi Jim,
If you don't mind me asking, what has caused your depression in the first place?

[geoff]

dear Rachael, lovely photo of yourself and I believe that you are the third to join and say 'smile your on candid camera.'LOL. L Geoff. x

[geoff]

dear Jim, goodness me, everyone to their own.

Why would a psychiatrist, well, pick on you for being gay, honestly that's not being professional at all, and I would tell him so, bu-------r him.

Below there is section for gay and lesbian which I haven't looked at, but now I will.

Try and find a psychologist who seem to be more caring in their approach and their counselling.

My psychologist who I had seen for 20 odd years was a lesbian, so what, she was very caring and understanding, that's why I stuck by her for all that time, but unfortunately she has now moved, and if I don't like a doctor and so on I leave them, no questions asked.

They are there to treat me, not criticise me, or blame me for what I have done.

When you get a new psych. the first thing I would say to him/her is 'hi I'm gay and if you are going to criticise me, please tell me now, so we don't waste too much time.'

With my doctor who again I have being seeing for about the same period as my psych., we have become very friendly and now if there is something wrong with me, like my liver which has been damaged by the period of time when I was depressed and the consumption of alcohol, plus my excess amount of anti epileptic which also affects it. I asked him what he thought about me becoming an organ donor, and his reply was 'and use it as a door stop', well we both laughed at this.

I would do as what the moderator has said to you, but please get back to us. Geoff.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Hey Jim,

NOOOOOOO !    Stop feeding into this pychiatrists' take on you.  Get another one.  Even a psychiatrists that falls out of a packet of cereal as a free toy would be more empathetic.   It's obviously burning you up so burn him/her.    If you really want to psychoanalyse what's going on with all his delving into your gayness then just tell him "We seem to be dealing with YOUR lack of dealing with gayness, not mine".   Even if you said your nose was too big it would fire off nose concerns forever and then he could say..........(drum roll)..........."you haven't dealt with it" !!!!!

Go and buy some Weetbix right now !  Open it up !  Look for the free toy psychiatrist  - is it there ?   Seriously,   your life (of, I'm guessing, 30+ years) vs 1hr or 2hrs with this particular psychiatrist.   Get a balance if you can.    If nothing's going well at work and generally then you need counseling NOT interrogation.  Unless you are a sado masochistic gay person.  But, then your current psych would be a prostitute.   And even prostitutes don't treat customers that bad.   Especially if they want repeat business.  Do you want to go back ?

Tell him to get stuffed.  The psychiatrist world has many, many types.  You need the genuine article or more Cocoa Pops.

Adios, David,

PS  Kind of like the old smack you on the head because you use your left hand for handwritiing - Victorian school days.   It's not the hand you go for counseling for (I am replacing gay with hand, to explain) its YOU.   Glorious YOU !

[jim]

Hi Rachael I'm not 100% sure what started it I just started to notice i wasn't feeling my happy self and i guess a bunch of guys treating me like a door mat kinda led me down this parth tho i was good for a whole year then bang! right back to the start :(... and geoff yeah i am thinking of changing psychologist but its just so hard to get in to one without the huge waiting list... i know im not like this cause of my sexual orientation im gay and thats not a problem with me but i guess not everyone has that same thought.... i just want to feel normal again or at least be able to do normal things with out this all hanging over my head.

[The_wish]

My reply was moderated out so it's pointless even trying to respond on this site. Find a better site.

[geoff]

dear Jim, whose to say that being gay is not normal, this is a label put onto you because this person can not accept the fact that two of the same sexes are having a relationship. As I said before each to their own.

 People label others with all types of cliches, or they make comments which are non befitting or just mean, and unfortunately this will never change. Geoff.

[rhysiee]

Hey Jim! I had the same issue with a psych many years ago. I've been quite depressed the last week. So i don't know why because it just came out of the blue. i wish i was better. It just sucks. But I hope you get better or are better. Hope to hear from you soon.