isolation

[slaughterhouse]

i am depressed, well more very sad most of the time.  i'm isolated and have been for some time now.  life has always been this way for me, it's a situation with systemic abuse that has been identified and is being investigated.  there are some very bad services out there, but these days, the police are able to protect me from most of the harm they continue to try to effect upon me.  but at the same time, i've been very much slandered and maligned, my character has been sullied and dragged through the mud.  at the height of it, health services were saying i was violent toward my girlfriend when i wasn't.  it was a bit of a battle to get that stigma to go away and in the end, the director of mental health lost his job over it.  so, things are progressing and i keep chipping away, doing research and presenting evidence.  that's great.  but personally, i feel so very sick with it all.  very sad, no happiness, few distractions and then i have no social contact or support.  none.
i'm restless don't sleep well, up and down.  the anxiety, the fear i suffer.
at the moment i'm fighting false charges in court another agency has leveled at me, it's tricky but the police report they made is obviously false, i expect they will end up wearing the trouble.  the courts seem to be on my side, i respect people, have empathy and understanding.  that i live my life by vicarious means, that personally, i have nothing.  can't seem to change it or get past it.  i have contact with people at times, but they get manipulated or influenced by external sources and turned against me.  even become aggressive and seek to cause me harm, disadvantage and bring falsehoods against me.
i'm just tired of feeling like this, going through the day like a robot without any hope, happiness or feeling that things may one day get better, i might have friends or people can just accept me for what i am rather than the lies that have been presented against me.
doesn't matter what i say or do, i'm just dismissed, shunned and denigrated.
how can i feel better or function like this?

[geoff]

dear Slaughterhouse, well I don't quite sure what advice I can give you, only that to get these court proceedings over and done with, and if they are successful then you will be able to let all the other people know.

If you want this then don't adjourn these court appearances, only because it only delays the judgement hopefully in your favour, although if you want to adjourn you are entitled to 6 yourself and your lawyer has the option of delaying it 6 times as well, so that's 12 in total. Geoff.

[slaughterhouse]

geoff.
for starters i didn't adjourn it.  the magistrate did.  he was pretty friendly and okay with it all.  seriously, the chief justice in adelaide is already on record identifying that mental health agencies use the justice system as a dumping ground.  so, it seems that the view of the courts is already on my side.
and i doubt very much there's any aspect of hopefully about it.

so many times i get false charges brought against me.  the police usually stop the health services from doing that, but this time it's got through and perhaps that the offender who made the false statement so badly lied and contradicted himself.  the usual form for this kind of thing is to send the police in to make an unwarranted arrest and incite a vulnerable person to protest, resist arrest and suffer the consequences for that.  i didn't because i'm wise to the form of mental health services for doing that.  seriously, they actually say it's okay to incite a vulnerable person into outrage because they call it "testing".  but all the same, i've dodged that before, dealing with mental health services in australia, it's a skill you need, not to rise to the provocation of service providers.

ideally the organisation that tried it will get to wear it.  seriously, the perp that works there, his false statement in court is tantamount to perjury.  if he gets a bad judge or i get a good one, he could even face time, which is not my scene to wish that.  but it would be good to start seeing quasi mental health agencies getting it turned around on them at long last.

at the same time, i am depressed, isolated, anxious and afraid, i just struggle through each day, it's very difficult.  i don't have a medical problem, it's a circumstance, it's systemic abuse.  the health services here, it's at a stand off.  pretty much the police will now protect me from the harm they normally do that many people suffer.  the incident where they attacked me then made the false charge against me has helped that along.  but it comes after so many efforts by them and other welfare and health agencies to do the same.

and even playing the court proceedings against them and the government, well, it helps me as much with the delays as it hurts me.

but you seem to be experienced in living in isolation and stuff, like how do i cope and get by with that?  and to deflect and feel okay about myself when people constantly say i'm not.  and that i get attacked and these efforts to bring heat on me all the time.  it does my head in.

[geoff]

dear Slaughterhouse, can I start by saying that I only visit people who will let my puppies into their house, and if they won't allow this then I don't visit them, they may say why don't you call around any more, and then I say because you don't let them in, simple.

How do I live in isolation, I have a chap who comes to my place at 6 am three days a week where we have a coffee and then go supermarket shopping and then take him home, because he doesn't have a car licence and classified as being 'legally blind', but actually he's not.

Each particular day I go and visit someone different in the morning, and may do some shopping then I came home. I may also ring people that I know won't say anything that would deliberately hurt me, again it can be too upsetting.

I avoid anyone who is toxic, simply because they do damage and comment adversely, I don't need this rubbish from them, it's all bull------t, and probably what they have to say comes from a string of people so it then becomes so warped it's laughable.

And my puppies they keep me entertained, I might cook a roast but I only do it for them, and then I look at them and say 'can I have just one slice'.

Good luck with these court proceedings, and as you say it maybe good to have it adjourned in one way or the other, and you have the magistrate hopefully looking after you, and you surely deserve this. Geoff.