I see the world for what it really is.

[BabySteps]

I have to accept that after my mothers gone, That I only will have my twin brother and that everyone else is vain and brief. I know that no one cares but also that the world is socially superficial and in general your made to feel like a second class citizen if your under certain diagnoses. I absolutely can't live in a world if I can't be genuine or authentic. If anyone tells me what to think. I can't exist in a seemingly vain, fake world.

I hate living in a world where you can't truthfully be confident with being who you are. Everyone is fully embracing the current decade or the way things are, People bully you for any reason and you can't choose the generation your from or anything else. I am tired of being who I am and made to feel wither I'm weird, not only did I not ask for the opinion of anyone else but I don't want to be generic or defined by anyone else. I had to miss out on my dreams to pursue identity and chase my interests & I blame the degeneracy and insecurity of potential people in society as one huge factor. It's also mixed with being discriminated and defined beneath a psychiatry diagnosis that I don't agree with and also my suffering during high school. I had all that on top of my own under confidence and insecurities.

I hate how the world has always made people feel less valuable than celebrities just because their financially rich and with global popularity, regardless of what kind of person that famous individual is inside or what their reputation is. A regular person can't be confrontational because if their regular their not being sane.

[therising]

Hi BabySteps

I feel for you so deeply, given how challenging this world is and how deeply you feel those challenges. I believe, to be insensitive in this world is relatively easy, based on not feeling all that much. To be sensitive, on the other hand, is a whole different story. I've found, with being a sensitive person, to sense differently or strategically is the key to managing at times.

Over the years, I've come to take much of what can be depressing in this world and kind of flip it in order to recognise the insanity behind these things. To offer a handful of examples:

• If we can sense what's depressing, what's stressful, what's angering etc and we have people saying 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up' (grrr😡), isn't that kind of insane? Wouldn't it be more logical for all the highly insensitive people to come to their senses (become more sensitive)? Then they'd be able to sense the need for compassion, fairness, a more open mind and so on. Doesn't seem right that all the work should be left up to sensitive people. Hmmm🤔
• With the behaviour of school or work place bullies, their behaviour is highly questionable. How, in any way, is it normal, acceptable or sane for people to take joy in other people's ongoing sufferance? Shouldn't someone be getting to the bottom of their behaviour while leading them to reform the way they think and the way they behave? Wouldn't the sane action involve mandatory counseling or, in extreme cases, expulsion (so that those who never asked to be bullied can be left in peace)?
• Back in the day when people earned a respectable living, doing an honest day's work, this was something to be proud of. If you worked in retail, worked as a kitchen hand or a cleaner, worked shoveling dirt out of ditches or as a taxi driver etc etc, you could feel proud of yourself for your hard work. Things have changed. Tell people that you do one of these jobs and they may look at you as though you're a 2nd class citizen. A job that once earned you respect, which can now get you the least respect in certain circles, is stay at home parent. Some parents fear telling people that's what they do because they fear the judgement. The world has become insane and it's hard not to take it personally. Every job has value

BabySteps, while as a 53yo woman I sit here with my pink hair while on the verge of returning to a job I took a year off from (the job of kitchen hand in an aged care facility), I can imagine I'm worthless. I tick a lot of boxes when it comes to a lack of social value. I'm a middle aged woman who's a bit weird (happily weird, btw). I was unemployed for just over a year (while facing a number of challenges over that year, including looking after my aging parents). I'm a kitchen hand and someone who works hard to kick butt when it comes to mental health challenges (largely depression). The list goes on when it comes to how certain circles of society grade me or degrade me. It's a long list. What I choose to imagine is that certain circles in society are just downright insane and I'm perfectly normal, perfectly acceptable and perfectly me. No one else can be me as well as I can. Same goes for you too. You are perfectly you and that's something to be proud of. With those who are self righteous to the point where they don't feel they need to use a filter (between their thoughts and what comes out of their mouth), a question worth asking worth asking them at times can be 'Do you know why you feel no need to use a filter in regard to what comes out of your mouth?'. As a sensitive person, I've learned a bit of sass is good for self esteem. 😁

[BabySteps]

Yes and I can't have confidence, because I consider my life ruined and I honestly feel it's murdered. Not only because I'm facing a future with only my twin brother, and how the rest of the world's superficial and brief and vain or typically un friendly, who listens to respond and not to understand. I have no social confidence with society, I had a decade of bullies. I was bullied in kinda garden, primary & high school. I never liked my father and I am always financially stuck with him. He introduced me to his mate who I never liked and my Dad's sister is horrible too. I have been under psychiatry for the last twelve years and I was only diagnosed with schizophrenia because I made poor destructive choices during 2012 - 2014, Only since I was un happy with my life, since I had no direction or money to learn to drive. I was infatuated with a girl too that I could never have. Now I have to live with the stretch marks and diabetes, involuntary meds, medical reviews to drive a vehicle and possibly occupational assessments if I'm forced to have them.  

The therapists or the doctors think my existential direction is a reflection of a mental illness or disability that I know I don't even have, that I was mistakenly diagnosed with. I don't want to work factory, do a apprenticeship or work construction. I knew since 16 I don't want University, I am not eligible without VCE or the type for it anyway or interested in any formal conventional careers. 

The last time I was forced to go into the ward it was voluntary and I didn't want to go and was trying to argue that I'm fine. When I had to see a random psychaitrist he just said I was abusive, even if he angered me for a legitimate reason and that since I didn't agree with my diagnosis. He extended my time in hospital. The other one I had to see just before that time was telling me that my mother told him things that I know she never would say. It's even pointless to make a complaint in my opnion, it feels like a patient is voiceless, your have no voluntary rights their a delusionary promise.

[BabySteps]

I went through high school being bullied verbally and physically and degraded by different people. Then I knew two of them for the following five years after high school. They ended up agreeing to end the relationship and walk away, narcissistically thinking that their better people and that they have better lives. They never would acknowledge their behaivour and only remember things that were in their advantage, they wouldn't even admit to all the things I could say they did, they would only try to make me some half as bad or just as bad. The other one never even cared about the friendship and on those old activities it was more just something to do.

I have been under psychiatry for the last twelve years. I disagree with being schizophrenic because I know what lead to my diagnoses and why I did my behaviour. I have never had a mental illness and I've never agreed since the start. On top of that I have been diagnosed with pre diabetes since seven years ago. Being allegedly under a label and wrongly medicated for schizophrenia & living with pre diabetes is so much suffering for me, and it's a red flag to not be datable with the opposite sex. The therapist's would otherwise speculate and likely diagnose autism or asperges and I don't agree with that too, I hate being voiceless when I don't want treatment or diagnosis that I don't agree with. 

I have always hated my father all my life. He claims he was a sharpie in the 1980's and admitted that he would go searching for homosexual men to assault back in those days. He got $500,000 inheritance and he was a delinquent in his youth. He always made you feel psychologically special and that you couldn't somehow be more than 16 mentally. He uses my diagnosis to just abuse me that if I cook anything, I will burn the house down, that I shouldn't be driving. That I don't want to work, just since I don't have any direction and since a national recession makes job opportunities fewer with my job recruiters. He is critical that I'm soft, inept, weak, pale, dyslexic. His always believed to be smarter than his immediate family. In the past he provokes arguments and my rage and than tells me I'm disabled and get's stand offish and that he will get me locked away in a mental psych ward. I also hate his sister, my aunt, she's a huge narcissist and she try's to make me feel that I'm living day by day and she also bullies my mother as being dumb or making fun of her accent, She sides with my father and goes against. 

[BabySteps]

I consider my father a dead beat. He was never socially involved, praising, encouraging, understanding. He was never genuine love. He was dysfunctional and telling you to shut up, when he couldn't be told the truth or your opinion. He always used to say because he said so with whenever he demanded his way with what to do. I knew since I was 8 in 2003 that I've never wanted my father in my life, I've never cared about him, I just have always wanted the money and to be married and never know my father ever again. I wish he wouldn't know where I live and that I would have no social contact with him. It's only unfortunate because if I was talking to my mother and brother, they would likely tell my Dad things and deny they did so. He also holds grudges and can get jealous for certain rare situations. He has no regard for wither his son's live meaningful and purposeful lives, wither were successful. My parents never encouraged dreams, and my father discriminates me to at least be regular since I have the  diagnosis wrong or right. I remember when I was five how he kept trying to get me to love the footy team that he liked and he would not let me have my own taste and opinion. He only understands himself and can't see from another persons perspective. He can always talk about his conflicts and blame them, but never that his also easily un likeable himself.

When I was having my driving lessons. I had to deal with the covid issues and I had to go through numerous driver instructors, Until I was happy with the ones at the very end. I had my permit suspended randomly and for a reason that felt completely dumb. I had to re do the computer learners test. It wasn't until my third O.T. that I really liked who he was. My original O.T. had ignored me for one, not responding to emails, mobile texts or phone calls for a year. She got back in touch just to tell me wither I'm wasting my money, that I wouldn't achieve my licence, or wither I can drive a vehicle. She was defeating and discriminating, intimating and as a occupational therapist she wasn't encouraging for a individual to have their vital independence, even when her show is supposed to help anyone under those circumstances to find their way. One of my old instructors made a lie that I broke his mirror just because we argued the day before and he wanted to get back at me. He also said I was telling him how to drive essentially. I was only believing in my abilities and that I shouldn't have to check the rear view mirror when I can just directly look, with giving way at roundabouts. 

The worst thing about all these narcissistic people. They are either in some authority over me or I am greatly dependent on them. All my issues in my life have been from other people, wither it's psychiatrist's, my father, high school, or anyone that was negatively impacting with my driving development.

[BabySteps]

The world is worse then what it used to be, with the cost of absurd living or needing more academic credentials listed on your resume for basic entry job's. 

It's even harder to survive when I'm not only marginalised by my generation, century and nationality with wanting to be religious, I'm more internally myself in a world of mainstream bias difference. I feel Australian from what I was raised to appreciate and with certain qualities but I have always felt traditional American hearted. I just can't embody my way in such a modern existing time and it wouldn't matter even if I was from a different time because today the world would be the same world now regardless and I would still be forced to compromise or live socially reserved. I wouldn't though want the older dysfunctional aspects or lack of medical advancements from those past existing times.

I don't like my generation too with their music but also with their possible characteristics. It's not that they don't work amongst themselves, it's just I feel I'm a older heart that would only get bullied or never understood or agreed with. I also think their different with humour and seemingly more illiterate and dyslexic, they think no one has individual thought because were the generation more than rather individually ourselves.

I get frustrated with not only being selectively mute or inept with society or when dealing with people I don't socially like. I enjoy being socially avoidant because either people have changed in radical worse ways. I saw the world under a gloom sense since I had to do high school. I also get angered with having to try to move past high school and all those un wanted relationships that mistreated me and think their better then me. It's even heartbreaking because I have to be on un wanted medication and voiceless and living under a diagnosis that I don't agree with, despite the way my circumstance seems. I have to be  dependent on a father I don't love, whose negatively critical and tells me wither I'm disabled or can do anything. I have never tolerated, liked or wanted to understand his personality and his got bad qualities. I don't even care for his upbringing and wither I was 8 or 29 he tried to be the better intelligence, from a psychological, emotional, social and financial overbearing way. His only a year 10 high school education whose been a construction joiner all his life. His only generic in society and he tries to make me feel that his something of sensational feats. 

[james1]

Hello BabySteps,

You sound so isolated and frustrated by the people around you, from family to many parts of society in general. It certainly seems you've had more than your fair share of unfair treatment by people and feel quite angry about that. From what you have said, I understand you would like to fit in somewhere, but haven't been able to find that group of people. I really hope you find a connection that enriches your life, because it sounds like you've been missing that your whole life.

As far as your title question on how to handle all of the challenges you face, I think I might try to answer it in a more general way to start. And if there's anything specific you wanted to focus on, let us know.

I am quite different to most people around me and know it can be very difficult and frustrating to not be able to communicate with people in the way I'd like. In my own experience, the only person who kept losing out was me. Getting angry and frustrated at others just made it worse for me because I would just be stuck being annoyed on my own.

I think there's a lot of value in refocussing on things I like, rather than being consumed by the things I don't. For example, I really like animals and don't really like humans (in general). So even though I can't change others, and I think I'm also very stubborn myself, I can at least fill more of my day with animal related things. It helps make my day better, which improves my overall mood and ability to tolerate people I don't like. Just because I don't think about the things I don't like as much about society doesn't make them or me right. It just means I get less annoyed, which I think is a good thing for my mental health.

James

[BabySteps]

Hi James thanks so much for your response. I have been told before I need to focus on the things I can change, rather than what I can't. I always wonder if I generalise with all the things I resent about what society might be or wither it's specific to the generation. I've seen others that seem the way I do about liking a lot of things about the older times with remembering the 2000's or being interested in the 1980's too. I know I can't really claim someone's good or bad without dealing with them directly or even knowing them for some time. It's more a creative thing in my own thinking to think about a lot of things or be sensitive. I wouldn't want to be diagnosed with autism or asperges because I wouldn't agree and I know it's 100% likely what they would do.

It would be nice to have three friends, but I typically only dreamed to have a ideal marriage. Family was more to me than friends. I'm the kind of person to love my hobbies. Though I can't enjoy a sports event on my own and that's the downside without having a suitable friend for a rarer activity. If I had some conversations here and again over the internet that would be lovely. Especially having more options to turn to for support. I prefer venting on Beyond Blue because being a negative person or talking about problems can drive friends away since their not counsellors or deserve that or expected their next friend would be that way. I've often always felt that people think I need their approval with wither I'm likeable, decent, intelligent, awkward or if I'm controversial for disagreeing with anything mainstream if anything would happen socially, even though I keep quiet because people can't agree to disagree, that also ruins my esteem when I can't argue my opinion and when I'm treated as a idiot or as a beginner and when people think I have to agree with them or a mainstream belief.

I had some really bad problems too earlier in my life. I made poor destructive choices with not intentionally wanting to die, not only because I didn't have direction for work or what I want but because I was younger and overly infatuated with a girl that drove me insane and it got wrongly beneath psychiatry since 2012. I've had pharmaceutical consequences since I was 22, seven years ago I was unfortunately diagnosed with pre diabetes and it just adds a extra stress on top of general life already. Then three years following that I had to have a cholecystectomy and have my gallbladder removed, that's not entirely a huge thing with the gallbladder but it's something extra that makes me feel one less with my health. I also have some belly whiter stretch marks that at times make me a bit angry after I had successfully overcame weight from the older meds I was force to take a decade ago.

It's worse when my father tries to use the diagnosis against me to say wither I'm disabled, Now being 29. I still don't have direction for what I want to do with my life, I ideally want a nutrition degree but I don't have a VCE and I'm mostly not the person to probably study, even achieving a diploma might be a bit beyond my capacity. I generally had a dream to be a hobbyist musician. I just use my father as a excuse since 14 & back then it was still high school bullying that I could blame or wither I generalise society too much. I also wonder why I let that stop me when I only wanted to do music when alone at home anyway.

[randomxx]

Hi op and sorry to hear of where your at.

l'm not going to get into much here as others would be better suited to the sort of things you talk about and problems.

But l'm firstly wondering why you would feel of all things,American , do you realize what shape that country is in and the people. Not to mention it has the highest rate of just about anything, on the planet. Even just their covid stats and crime rate should tell you all that alone.

But what l'm really wondering is why don't you start working on moving out of home. At your age it's wrong to be home and complaining about your dad if you don't like either and your so miserable bc most are out making their own life and world by then , well well before actually. l know there's a housing crisis but if your on disability or working then with some creativity you will be able to make your way. Probably going through a few yrs with little money and struggles at first like most of us do when we leave home, but it comes together as you go.

ps, you might also find your relationship with your da improves to once your out with your own life.

All the best.

rx

[BabySteps]

I've had a lot of issues with the working side of thing's. Since I have left high school I've been with a few job recruiters but they typically don't offer me more than 3 random jobs and otherwise they recommend me to study a certificate. I'm only interested in a Nutrition degree but I've never done a Year 12 VCE from high school and I was so struggling with Year 11 VCE. I only graduated with a Year 12 Foundation VCAL which I'm not proud of. When I go to my job recruiter I'm typically made to feel to try retail, but she feels it may not be suitable for me. I don't want to work sales, hospitality, factory or any construction or apprenticeships. Most of the certificates aren't for me wither it's aged disability or admin, computers or to be a barista. There's nothing to choose, any of the ideal certificates are only more in preparation before you do a diploma to hopefully enter University. I'm getting really concerned about if the entry corporate jobs can't pay good median wages and if I can't do University, because what else is their besides apprenticeships.

I legitimately love music but I just have never had the confidence to actively do that and I always say it's since I dislike my father, if I have to see his sister too. I had high school bullying for a decade too. The diabetes diagnosis and generally being under psychaitry treatment when I don't want too, ruined my esteem by 29. I don't want to identify with my generations music and creativity and I am one of the types to prefer the past.

In terms of the American thing, I don't like so many issues and the societal degeneracy with their country. The only thing I like about American's is their Christianity Religious differences. I hate how I feel like I'm choosing between countries when I am just Australian with un popular silent differences. I'm only the type to keep my faith personal, unless I would have other people of my same interest and that to be around.