I’m Spaced Out all the Time

[Tempest1609]

Hey, I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this, also I’ll be talking about my feeling about drugs and how they play a part in my life but I’m not trying to glamorise drugs because I’m really struggling to manage with and without them. I’m sorry.

Im 21 years old and I’m a manager a maccas, I’m really struggling at the moment with depression, drug use, self harm and anxiety. I’m currently on antidepressants but I’m not sure if there working yet because it’s almost been a month. It’s fairly safe to say that I have been feeling really low for the last 6 months and I recently had a really big breakdown and I’m trying to help myself but it’s really really hard. Drugs are apart of my problem and I know they don’t help these feelings but I can’t stand reality I just want to be numb and care about nothing. It feels better than sex to me to just be numb. I want to stop as it had lead to physical health problems as well as adding to mental stress. But I rely on them almost every day and I just have no other way to manage my feelings.
Im really bad at emotionally expressing myself and I feel like a burden talking to my friends and family but I just can’t like I physically can’t talk to them. It’s not a trust thing I just feel like they won’t take me seriously. I also don’t like doctors I just want to get in and get out so I don’t sit there and talk because I’m so anxious to be there and I’m uncomfortable, that doesn’t help when you are trying to get help.
I have felt pretty worthless for a while I’ve never been skinny and it’s something that my family has always commented on and it’s always been made into this joke and that I know has played such a big part of who I am today because I never feel good enough. I pick myself apart every day, I just can’t help it.

I just wanted a space that i could just say everything I want to. Thank you for reading and I hope your day is a positive one.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Tempest1609,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 

[geoff]

Hello Tempest1609, and it takes great courage to say what's concerning you even though being a Maccas manager takes a great deal of responsibility to the public and realise the pressure this provides for you during the shift work.

I used to self medicate with alcohol when suffering from depression and always told that the AD's wouldn't be working properly as I was using the alcohol as a way to numb myself, rather than the prescribed AD's, however many people not using any drugs and/or alcohol may need to change from one AD to another, myself included.

I only say this because the drugs could be stopping them from working, I can't say as I'm not qualified, although the doctor will say AD's may take up to 6 weeks or longer to start working, but it's worth visiting your doctor to have them reviewed.

To be with any doctor or maybe someone you were close to, waiting to be asked whether or not you have been taking drugs or drinking alcohol puts you on the back foot, unsure of what type of reaction you'll receive, but they should know and then choose what type of AD to give you.

You can contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 who are trained counsellors who help those aged between 5 to 25 years by phone, webchat or online.

Really hope you can get back to us.

Take care.

Geoff.

It's certainly not easy to stop any addiction, so please, I'm not condemning you, I never do, especially on this site but understand what you're struggling with.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Tempest1609,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for joining us; I'm really glad that you're here. I hope that it helped to write this stuff out and I hope that we can create a space for you to share how you're feeling.

Please don't apologise for what you are feeling. I don't think your post glamourised drugs; honestly I think it can help to talk about what drug use gives you - sometimes it's a high and sometimes it's numbing out. If there wasn't any benefits to taking a drug, nobody would ever do them. Unfortunately though, there's so many cons to not taking them - including feeling all the feels which can be agony.

You said in your post that you feel like a bit of a burden and that family won't take you seriously; is this something that you know for sure? Do you have any sort of support or people that you have told?

I hope that this helps a little. You're not alone in what you're going through and feel free to keep writing to us.

rt

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tempest

thank u for sharing - i really appreciate your honesty here. It helps other people open up and I'm sure a lot of ppl can relate to ur post. Although I'm in my 30s now I vividly remember being 21-23 and feeling very similar to what you describe.

I also struggled with addictions but I've come over time to feel gratefl to my addictions, while of course knowing that they are not the answer and cause us various problems - you're body is trying to protect you and keep you safe. Being numb might protect you from pain. For me, my addictive behaviours helped me escape a reality that is too much to bare. It helped me stay alive.

I know it's so hard to tell friends and super awkward sometimes to tell a gp anything - to even initiate that conversation. And who knows even if you do tell them if they will help or have the right words to assist...

It's hard to tell others sometimes... but you are performing the first step right here. You are bluntly and wholly honest with us and urself in this post... which a lot of ppl can't do. Consider this a practise for eventually sharing with others. It gets less scary.

And please please be kind to yourself. It's normal to try and escape pain with a fight or flight response. It's part of who we are. Sometimes the ways we try and run and dull our pain cause additional problems. But the desire to feel better is human. You deserve to feel okay and be okay. I hope you will share more 🙂

[ravish_rodent]

dude I am sitting in class reading your post and I relate to this a lot, especially the whole anxiety thing. as someone who also suffers from anxiety and has been on antidepressants, I can tell you they take awhile to start working and when they do they can come with some awful side effects. my personal experience with them is they gave me more anxiety and made me gain more weight. I can tell you now drugs do not help at all. I understand addiction is a really tough thing to beat and man it takes a lot to overcome it, but in the long run drugs may seem like a good fix, but they're a short term solution to a long term problem. with trying to get your feelings let, lemme tell you brother telling your parents and close friends how you're feeling helps 10x. I understand the anxiety around "what if they don't take me seriously" because I had the same thoughts, but as someone who told them how I was feeling, they will listen to you and hear you. what you're going through is a serious problem and trust me they will be there to help you. I recommend telling your parents and close friends how you feel and getting it off your chest. Humans aren't made to deal with things ourselves because we can't handle it. I hope this helps and I hope I can offer my support to you. love you.

-ravish rodent signing out