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I’m pushing away everyone I love

Zabacs
Community Member

I’m new here and really struggling. I am pushing everyone away from me and feel very alone. I feel like giving up but I have children who I would/could never leave.

every day is becoming a battle and I’m sick of putting on a front to hide my pain. It’s effecting my work. I feel anger, hatred and bitterness all of the time. Everything feels like a chore and it’s draining.

I don’t remember the last time I was truly happy.

thanks for taking the time to read.

zabs

8 Replies 8

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Dear Zabacs
 
Welcome to the forums.  We're so grateful that you have reached out to our community tonight, we know that it is not an easy thing to do and you have shown a lot of strength in sharing your story.
 
We're also sorry to hear of the difficult journey you've been on, and we can hear that things are starting to feel really tough and overwhelming for you at the moment. But please know that this is a safe space for you to talk about your thoughts and feelings, and our kind, non-judgmental community are here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
 
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, and you don't have to keep these feelings bottled up inside. Can we ask if you have spoken with your GP about how you are feeling?  You may also get in touch about whatever is troubling you, no matter how big or small the issue feels. Our trained mental health professionals will be able to listen and offer you care.

To call us, contact 1300 22 4636
To use webchat, Click Here 

We are available 24/7. All calls and chats are one-on-one with a trained mental health professional and completely confidential.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Warm Regards,

Sophie M
 

Zabacs
Community Member

Sophie thank you.

I have been to my GP and have been taking medication for quite some time. I feel silly but it’s like I’ve actually not improved as I think I “should” have.

Captain T
Community Member

Hi Zabacs

I understand the feeling of pushing everyone away and I get the loneliness from that. I myself feel as I have no one. I am tired of fighting and faking being ok.

I have discussed this with my GP and he also medicated me. But it’s not enough.

I actually reach out for help and contacted BB. I’ll be honest and say that I was ashamed for asking but they made me understand that there is no shame in asking for help. The talk did me some good and I did feel a little clearer. While I do have a long way to go I can see a glimmer of hope.

Hoping for you to work through this and reach the otherside

Captain T

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Zabacs,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand it’s hard.

Im sorry that you seem to be pushing everyone away that you love…….

I understand our journeys are different but I also seemed to be withdrawing from the people I loved …… I think they felt like I was pushing them away in a way…..

The reason I was withdrawing from the people I loved was because I thought I was protecting them from me due to the intrusive thoughts I was having about them…….

I have a lived experience of severe anxiety OCD I have now recovered thanks to the professional help I received it was a journey.

I’m sorry that every day is becoming a battle for you, I understand my days felt like they went for ever.

Please never give up keep pushing forward and never loose hope because you can overcome what you are currently going through.

Have you done any type of therapy?

If you feel as though things aren’t progressing you could speak to your gp about this.

Hang in there

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Zabac, MI tends to make us, the need to push people away, doesn't matter whether they are family or friends, we believe they wouldn't care, and in some cases this could be true, but we do have those who really want to help us, and know that we are pretending to be ok, because it is noticeable to some, no matter how hard you try.

Your doctor will prescribe medication for you, but this may not suit you for various reasons and when you feel no benefit, you need to go back to them and ask them to review their choice, and know that I tried at least six different AD's before the one that did the job was found, there is no apology needed when this is done, it's about looking after you.

If you can try and minimise everything you do, there is no need to excel yourself and the reason why you feel ' anger, hatred and bitterness' is because you can't get the support you really need.

Please have a talk with your doctor is your first port of call.

Geoff.

jaz28
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi there,

I am sorry you are going through this but you are loved, and you are not alone in this fight.

Have you sought professional help? You can start by seeing your GP and getting a mental health care plan.

It may be hard now but there is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise!

Jaz xx

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Zabs

My heart truly goes out to you as you face such overwhelming upset.

Do you feel there's a difference between being loved and being actively loved to life? As a gal who's 'a feeler', I can personally feel the difference. If someone simply says to me 'I love you' over and over, every day, I just won't feel it. If another person never says 'I love you' but they lead me to smile or lead me to a change or revelation that's mind altering (when it comes to perception), I feel loved by them. I feel loved through their actions and their work that creates a change in me, in my mindset or circumstances.

Wondering if you have the ability to feel words. Can you feel the shutdown nature of 'You just need to get on with things and stop dwelling' compared with the love and/or care felt through the question 'Do you know why you feel the way you do?'? Can you feel the battle of internal dialogues? For example 'You need to leave this job' vs 'I can't leave this job because I don't know what I want to do beyond this job'.

Can you feel what's lacking? I find there are times where I can't put my finger on exactly what's lacking but I can still feel 'a lacking' (of something). A lack of inspiration, for example, can have quite a depressing feel to it. Inspiration has an undeniably invigorating feel. I can forget what inspiration feels like when it's not there. Same with a sense of peace. I can forget what peace feels like until something reminds me of it. You know that kind of feeling where it can be late at night and you're watching tv and you find it hard to keep your eyes open. Finally you give in and let them close, while you drift off to sleep. The peace is found in the permission you give yourself to drift off.

I find I typically never gravitate away from someone whose inspiration I can fully relate to and feel at a soulful level. I think it's in our nature to gravitate toward that kind of inspiration. Leads me to wonder whether the only truly inspiring people in your life at the moment are your kids. I'm 'Mum' to a 19yo gal and a 16yo guy and they are definitely my 2 most intensely shining lights in life. They will never leave me to vibe in a low without working to make a difference to me. I return the love when they need it and even when they don't. Kids are typically highly intuitive people and quite sage-like in nature. Wondering whether your kids have mentioned anything to you lately in the way of inspiration. Might not be entirely obvious by the way 🙂

livi_mivi
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey Zabacs,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time, I understand just how tiring and overwhelming it can become. I just want to start by saying thank you for being so open about your struggles. There is no shame in what you are feeling and you deserve the best opportunity at feeling happy again. I'm sure there are a lot of people, including myself, that can relate to what you are going through right now to some extent.

Recovery can sometimes become stagnant if the resources that you have access to aren't adequate or well-suited. It can take a long time to find the right type of medication, health care team, treatment type and motivation to best aid you in your journey. Not everything will be helpful to everyone and that is completely okay! Have you considered or engaged in other types of intervention that isn't medication (e.g. cognitive behavioural treatments?). There are so many options and routes you can take so it might be best to revise your current plan with your GP and see what things can be added/changed to support you. I understand that this process might be frustrating, confronting and time-consuming and it's valid to feel all those things. I just want you to know that you have his community behind you and we really hope that you can find fulfilment (that light at the end of the tunnel).

Wishing you all the best in your journey.