I Hate My Fat Body

[Poochlover]

Hi

I am really struggling.  I have packed on the kilos and feel so fat, ugly and worthless.  I feel constantly unwell and I know that my lifestyle is to blame. The biggest problem is that I feel out of control over my life.  I have so many stressful things going on and nothing positive to balance it out.  I drink and eat far too much as it is a comfort...but then I see myself in the mirror and I want to die.  

I was underweight for a great deal of my life....verging on an eating disorder.  I always thought people would not like me if I was not thin.  I started packing it on when I left my awful husband in 2007.  Had to start a new life with a two year old and no help from anyone.  

The latest debacle is my son is now 18 and causes me no end of worry.  He sleeps all day and games all night.  Works the bare minimum and does nothing to help around the place.  Also my beloved rescue dog who I adopted 6 months ago has been diagnosed with terminal lymphoma.  So every day is a struggle....sorting my son out...looking after my sweet beautiful dog....I have no social life whatsoever.  I have started a part time job to pay for my darling dog's huge vet fees and this is a physical role that is causing me a great deal of pain with my shoulders. 

I feel I have nothing else in life except food and alcohol   Because I don't.  I am totally finished.  I have tried everything...for my son...for myself..for my darling dog.  Spent over $10k in one year on same.  Now I am just old, fat, washed up and done.  I know my pooch will not survive for much longer...that is killing me in itself.  I worry sick about my son....I just do not know what to do anymore.  It is all a big ugly mess and I am so distraught. 

Thanks for reading. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Poochlover,  This is such a brave and powerful post, thank you for sharing it here. We hope the kind words and understanding of lovely community members are a help and a comfort to you.   We can understand how hard it must be to open up about your potential eating disorder and body image. We’d really recommend speaking to the Butterfly Foundation about this, as they might have some advice around how you can get some support. Their counsellors are absolutely lovely, and you can reach them on 1800 33 4673, or  chat online or via email. You could also reach out to a counsellor or GP, and there’s a bit of advice for having a conversation with a health professional here. 

We are also sorry to hear about the problems you haev with your son and your dogs illness.You could also reach out to the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636, or reach out via webchat here.  Thanks again, and well done for sharing here. We're sorry to hear how things have been, and we want you to know that we're here for you.   Kind regards,  Sophie M 

[Craig22]

Hi Poochlover,  you have done such a brave step in reaching out, you are among friends here and you are not alone. I feel for you , please use the support offered to you above , dogs are the best and they never cease to amaze me the love they have to give, My thoughts are with you