I feel sad and alone despite being so loved.
I don’t know why but I feel so alone despite being loved. I have so much love to hand out to everyone in my life but when it comes back, I don’t know what to do. There is nothing bad in my life to make me feel like I do and yet, here I am feeling it so intensely. It always makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me.
The warmest of welcomes to you Daliah
You sound like such a beautiful deeply feeling person. Being so, the world is blessed to have you in it.
I think we're lucky to live in an era where 'sensitivity' is a key topic in life. There's so much out there when it comes to such a topic. Choosing which avenue to go down when it comes to exploring this topic can determine our perception of our self. I've found, I can go down the avenue where feeling or sensitivity is perceived as a 'fault' of some kind or down and avenue where it's seen as an 'ability'. I choose the second, based on how well it has served me and continues to serve me, beyond my years in depression.
I believe we feel our way through life to some degree. With such an ability, it pays to gain knowledge when it comes to how we are feeling our experiences or why we're feeling them the way we are. It also pays to understand why we can't feel at times. To know what true love feels like, I think it's important to define what true love is or means to us. This way we can feel when there's not enough of it or even when we're getting too much of it to the point where it's overwhelming us and we need a bit of a time out. To feel too much of something can become exhausting or even suffocating at times.
I think there are certain factors that can ramp up our ability to feel. So, it's like all of a sudden we've gone from being able to basically feel to being able to feel everything. To offer an example: Being a mum to a 19yo gal and a 16yo guy, I've been led to feel more based on my connection to my kids. Exercising feeling for my kids has developed my ability to feel. I can feel their pain, their joy, their fury at times, their sense of injustice and so on. So, you could say they've turned me into a bit of an empath (someone who feels for others).
Can you think of anything that may have led you to feel more intensely these days? Can you pick a trigger or set of triggers that may have led you to this point? Maybe you've been reading up on feelings (which may have triggered something) or you've got more energy in motion than usual (e-motion) or maybe others around you are feeling more intensely and that's what you're feeling (you're feeling them or their energy).
We're definitely complex creatures, feeling the impact of certain chemical imbalances, our own nervous system, others' emotions, environmental influences, our own thoughts, imagination and internal dialogue etc. Very complex indeed 🙂
Hello Daliah, to being loved is so important in life, but when we are unable to absorb and actually recognise that it's happening, then we ourselves must know there is something that's quietly beginning to change with in us, why we may not know why or how, but with any type of depression, this illness can struck us at any time, and that's where is becomes confusing.
It's possible to have everything you need in life, but that in itself isn't strong enough to stop any mental illness from happening.
When love is shown to you, in one way or another, you can't return this in appreciation because this illness forbids this and doesn't allow you to express it, it's no fault of yours, but you're unable to return this favour.
The only thing wrong is that you need to accept that you should visit your doctor who can then start a process in getting you back to be able to reciprocate this love.