How to deal with derogatory comments in public

[GMarenghi]

Hi,

I wish I didn't have to even think about this but I thought posting to a supportive forum might help me in dealing with this issue.

I have red hair, I'm indifferent about it, but unfortunately years ago there was a certain show broadcast that featured high school students teasing a character with red hair. Since then, on occasion I've been called this term in public (most of the time by teenagers). I know that in a group people tend to be more confident and that it's not something they would say to my face one-on-one. I'm not in high school anymore (and when I was in high school it was never even any issue). Some people dismiss it as a joke, but I don't see the funny side.

I'm conscious that there's far worse that happens to people but I think the senseless, immature throwaway remark, causes me to experience low-self confidence and self-esteem issues.

I've never spoken to a therapist about it, it feels too embarrassing and wouldn't be taken seriously. I never react because I know that it wouldn't change anything but would like to know how to move on from future remarks.

The reason I'm writing this now is because it happened tonight. I was just walking home after doing shopping and I heard someone at a table say it to me. Also, I've suffered from OCD in the past and half the time I don't know whether I actually heard someone say that or if I just imagined it.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

You are not imagining it. It's a mental scar.

I'm 65yo. When just 11yo kids them days (the hippy times) all grew their hair long. So I tried to. For the next 6 years I was ridiculed, why? Because I have thick hair and it grew like afro. That was popular with black Americans but not here.

Eventually at 17yo I joined the defence forces and had shirt hair- no more taunts. But the damage was done.

3 years ago my sister put up a pic on FB of me at 13yo with the caption "fuzzy wuzzy". I can't describe the hurt, it was so deep. What's worse is she knew of my hang up... but had forgotten. It told me of her real belief, that my hair then was silly.

For you I suggest three things 1/ to not feel guilty if you decide to remove an abuser from your life if they are so petty and hurtful 2/ to consider dying your hair 3/ accept yourself as you are and grow strength in pride knowing its their problem not yours.

Some might think option 2 is "giving up". Well, everyone likes to be "normal " so it's an individuals choice.

I hope that helps

TonyWK

[GMarenghi]

Hi TonyWK, Thank you for your kind words.

[Petal22]

Hi GMarenghi,

Im sorry you are feeling this way and it is ok to talk to us another anything on this forum.

If people say horrible comments to me I just smile back at them and say have a nice day….. I think the unkind people out there need our kindness the most maybe we can teach them something?

Please don’t feel embarrassed to see a therapist about this they could help you with strategies.

I also suffered what OCD I’m sorry that you also suffer with this. Have you ever seen a professional about your OCD?

I saw a team of health professionals and I’ve now recovered from this condition I learned a lot of strategies to help me.

You may be interested in reading two threads that I have written

From someone who suffered with OCD and recovered

Effective treatment for OCD Metacognitive

[Not_Batman]

Hi GMarenghi

as a fellow gingerly blessed individual all i can say is Unite, my brothers and sisters. 😄

i think TonyWK hit the nail on the head by saying its their problem not yours. Everyone will react differently to the criticism, but you can make a choice how to react.

Im bald so the ginger doesn't show as much these days, so i do get bald comments, which don't phase me. Its not something i can change, and im not the only one thats bald.

if you embrace it and wear it with a badge of pride, you could just look at the source, and with a big smile give them a thumbs up.

Not Batman

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear GMerenghi...

I like the comments and suggestions the other wonder people here have said to you..

I felt so compelled to answer your post...but probably not in the way the others have...

I absolutely love ginger hair, and have never understood why people make fun of it...My best girlfriend from year 3 and through high school had and still has ginger hair...now 65yrs old...same age as me...

Wow I was so jealous of her hair colour...Unfortunately she was bullied and made fun off, just because of her hair..yet she had and has such a beautiful soul....Children can be so cruel...and well.....sadly, adults as well....

So many people have blonde, brunette, brown, black hair...but not so many has the gorgeous sun in their hair like you do....,I would love to say to you..to embrace yourself and the uniqueness that has chosen you...

These days it’s so easy to colour our hair...and we see people walking around with rainbow hair and a multitude of unheard of hair colours now..pink, blues, green, yellows...and even orange hair colour...

Be you lovely GMarenghi, your uniqueness is beautiful..as hard as it is....Please try hard to not take any notice of the bullies...

My kind thoughts..

Grands..

[Gambit87]

Hi GMarenghi!

I definitely think you should talk to a psychologist as they will be able to help you to move on from the experiences.

My girlfriend is a red head (Ginger ninja according to her friends). She has experienced remarks from people making the usual red head jokes, it used to hurt - but now she embraces it and couldn't care less.

TonyWK said it perfectly - 3/ accept yourself as you are and grow strength in pride knowing its their problem not yours.

You are who you are! Embrace it 🙂