How do I want to get better
All I want to do is waste away and avoid everything I’m afraid of. I’m too anxious to see my friends and family, to talk to a professional in any way, too depressed to get out of bed and make any changes.
even something as simple as practicing mindfulness is impossible for me because I stop myself.
how do I find drive to make any step forward?
hey Bailey Basil, Hi to all reading
having social anxiety (not saying you have this, just talking about the fear of talkng to strangers in general) doesn't make you a loser at all!!!
I get though that it can feel that way. Being able to connect to ppl easily is something I feel jealous of and don't feel I can do well.
I am the opposite in some ways, I can talk to strangers easily, but can't always develop close friendships.
I can make banter with anyone but i don't know how to turn it into friendship.
It makes me upset.
I wish you didnt feel so hard about things, and wandered if for even one moment u could sit in acceptance that things are this way, and be okay?
Have you ever heard of acceptance commitment therapy? Im tryign it out now to help with similar feelings. I just waned to make space for u that whatever u feel is okay, and the struggles you feel are real, and that we all care and want to listen regardless.
Sendng support and care.
Hope you're doing well, or at least not worse. I have felt (and at the moment, feel) similar to what you have described. I find it difficult to see the point in doing much of anything and I can't even conceive of a future that would be worth fighting for.
What is important to understand though is that this is not you, it is depression. I know what a leap of faith it can be to conjure up the will to even start the process of getting help, but see if you can get yourself to just do 1 step in the process. I think you said you have a mental health care plan, so try to commit yourself to just make the appointment. Once that day arrives, just physically go to the place. You don't even need to commit to saying anything. Even though I find even these baby steps difficult to do, but over time I've also practiced telling myself "I've got nothing to lose just by doing this thing (making the call, going to the place, etc.). Even if it sucks, I have nothing better to do". Once I'm there, the thought becomes "meh, I'm already here and can't be bothered to turn around again, so I might as well just do the session".
My experience with therapists and psychiatrists so far has also been disappointing as well, which I know makes the motivation to try again even harder to find. But what have you got to lose by trying? Nothing. What do you have to gain? Everything. I have to believe that ultimately it will be worth it, even if emotionally I don't really care. It's clear by the fact that you've posted on here that you want to want to care (if that makes sense), even if you don't care now, so there is still fight left in you.
There are a number of psychologists who do online or telecounseling, so you don't even have to leave your house.
Hope it at least helps to know that you are not alone in feeling this way.
What if you just tried to add up the little things- sometimes it seems like nothing would help but we really need to add together little things that make us a bit better each day.
humans need to experience pleasure and mastery every day. That’s why I think you could really benefit from trying to do some thing that makes you feel like you’ve achieved something, no matter how small... I understand your pain somewhat but I think that you can’t hope your way out of things: it has to be combined with taking some kind of action... doesn’t have to be grand
We are sorry to hear that you are still feeling this way. It takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out for support and we are so glad that you have done so. The community will be here to listen and chat with you. We encourage you to also reach out to Kids helpline as we think this would be helpful for you. You can reach out via phone (1800 55 1800) or also through their webchat here: www.kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling/
You can also reach out to Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14.