Hello

[adamc]

Hello, I'm a 36-year old man and have suffered depression for many years. I was bullied constantly in high school and have always preferred to keep things to myself.

[Rumples]

Hi Adam,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for having the courage to reach out tonight. I know it must have taken a lot. You're not alone, please know this. I'm here for you, as well as a small army of wonderful, caring people who are all here to listen and help you.

Depression, the old black dog. I know where you are. I've lived with it for over 30 years now, so I know what you're feeling. Have you spoken to your GP? That's usually the best first course of action. Too many of us try and cope alone and it always ends up badly, I know I did it.

Children at school can be terribly cruel creatures when they want to be. They seem to have a knack of sensing the weak and vulnerable and preying upon them. Been there to my friend.

I'd love to have a nice long chat. How about it? I'm here and I'm waiting.

Come back to me with your thoughts.

Your friend - Rumples xo

[adamc]

Hello. It's very hard, considering that recently I found my beloved dog I've had for nearly 17 years has developed cataracts and she's too old to get them removed. I have lost a lot over the years and can't bear to be around when I lose her.

I don't have my own GP, I just see whoever is available. When I saw him last year about my not wanting to be hear anymore, all he said was "Get a job, get a girlfriend and rock her world in the bedroom and maybe go on holiday. I'll also prescribe you some anti-depressant medication."

Even though my dog is still barking happily and eating her meals, she does have walking issues as well but each morning I wake up thinking "Is today the day? Will dad come into my room to tell me the bad news?"

[Rumples]

Thanks for replying Adam :0)

Cataracts in a dog, or even a human aren't anything to worry about in themselves. My brother lived quite happily for a number of years with one partially covering his left eye until he had it removed. So don't worry about them, it's not a big deal and just part of ageing.

Unfortunately, we know that one day our furry friends will leave us. It's an unfortunate reality of being an animal lover. And yes, one day that dreaded reality comes home to roost and destroys us. I've always found the best way to deal with it over the years is to go out and get a new puppy, in memory of my faithful companion. It some how gives me comfort knowing that he/she will never be forgotten and their memory will live on.

What are your thoughts?

Rumples :0)

[missep123]

Hi adamc,

I completely understand about your pet. I love my dog so much they are a part of my family. I find that the beautiful thing about dogs is that they are so happy and are such fighters. I also understand the feeling of anxiety of when someone is going to tell you that it's 'the day'. For me I found that to be exhausting. There is a very good quote I try to remind myself when I'm feeling this way, it's 'worrying is suffering twice'. What do you think about this quote? It sounds like you love your pet very much and that's wonderful to see.

With regards to your GP have you found one that you find you especially 'click' with? I find that sometimes it takes going to a few different ones to find the one that you feel understands you and that you feel comfortable with. That comfort is very important.

Here for you!

[adamc]

I could never get another pet as I hate the feeling of growing close to them and suddenly, they're gone. I have been going on daily walks by myself and each time I break down crying, thinking of how I failed her.

All these years, I've taken responsibility for her health and well-being and yet I wasn't confident enough to push the vet to listening and understand my concerns with her walking; years ago, she would trip, stumble, collapse with all her legs going out from under her. I should've said "Now look here, this is not arthritis as you claim (it was diagnosed based on a single X-ray of an elbow) so find out what it is."

Any parent would act this way if they felt doctors were ignoring their child's ailment and as I have grown to think of my dog as my child, I should've been able to do that. The fact I couldn't because I was listening to the vets and my parents saying it is arthritis, what does that say about me as a "parent"?

I believe she was injured while she was being groomed so many years ago and only now are people starting to say "It's a possibility" when it's too late to do anything. Any like-minded vet would've said "These issues your concerned about doesn't sound like arthritis to me so maybe we'll do an MRI."

While vets are nice people, that doesn't account to their skills as a Vet. I like them but deep down I don't trust them. What's happening to my treasured dog proves that point.

Before we moved where we're living now, we never had or desired pets and I loved that. Since then, it has been one pet after another. Losing one after another. But my mum and eldest sister seem to think "Lose one and just replace it" like they think their disposable.

I heard my dad tell both of them last night when I was in my room that if they even think or get another dog, they'll never see me again. I'm sick of feeling great loss when I lose someone.

[Rumples]

Hi Adam and thanks for replying,

Personally, I wouldn't have taken a more forceful approach with the Vet back then. For starters, we like to think they're the experts, Dr's if you will for our cherished furry friends. The last thing you would have wanted is someone treating your dog who you'd "ticked off". It's like you're always nice to the person making your takeaway food, you don't want to give them any reason to take a dislike to you, you don't know what you're going to get. The same thinking applies here with the Vet. You made the right choice, as we all would have, in trusting what he/she diagnosed.

Losing our beloved animals is all part and parcel of life. Yes, it's traumatic and heart wrenching when they leave us, however, we have to go on, life can't stop. And, just think, if you never get another dog, that'll be one less getting loved and cared for and I'm sure that's not what you're about.

You'll be right. Just love and look after your little mate whilst you still have him and try and make the time he/she has left the best years of his/her life.

Always here for you xoxo

Rumples

[adamc]

I never took a forceful approach with them but no one would ever have reason to doubt their diagnosis, that it was just arthritis. My beloved dog is now paying the prince for it. Rather than getting treated for what she DOES have, it's more like she's treated for they think she has.The other Vet says she has nerve damage but from what or where, it's hard to say as she's too old for them to properly investigate. Because of her heart condition, it would be too risky to give her an anesthetic as she might not come out of it.

Now dad is saying that when we first noticed issues with her years ago, we should've just taken her to the Veterinary Hospital. I will be even more heartbroken than I am now if it's found out that her issues were easily treatable if found early enough.

For years I have said I do not want to lose her to something that could've, and should've, been prevented and it certainly looks like I will, all because I listened to the Vet.

[adamc]

Took Kelli to the vet yesterday to have her right eye checked out and seems she's now blind in that eye.

The vet also listened to her heart and it's gotten worse since the previous time, even though looking at how alert she is, you wouldn't think she has a problem.

The biggest thing that was said by the vet is very soon, we have to decide how long we're going to manage it for or are we just prolonging it just to keep her here. I didn't need to hear that.

For some reason, at the start of the year, I had a feeling that we might lose Kelli this year and it looks like I'm right. I looked online last night to see if anything can be done to reduce and enlarged heart and ended up finding an article about if dogs can feel that they're dying. It said that your dog wants comfort with their families in their final moments and for you not to show emotion as it'll distress them.

After that, I went on another long walk last night and had the biggest cry I have had yet. For the past 17 years, I have always placed a Christmas present under the tree for my dog (squeaky toys, treats, coats, beds, bowls, a new collar) but this Christmas, it'll be the first in so long without one.

[missep123]

Hi adamc,

I'm really sorry to hear that 😞

It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment. Have you thought about speaking to anyone over the phone such as the Beyond Blue helpline (1300 22 4636) or Lifeline (13 11 14)? Alternatively you could also call Mindspot Clinic (1800 61 44 34) who can help in regards to anxiety and depression?

Otherwise have you thought about learning about mindfulness or meditation? I've gone through my previous pet having health problems and I wish I knew about mindfulness/meditation back then because it helps us cope with the things we can't change and helps to ground us.

Here for you during this difficult time.