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Freshly out of school and lost in life

Ray27
Community Member
Have just graduated school last year. The New Year hasn’t been the worst for me, as I have been able to earn a bit of money and by myself a new car. However I am not at all enjoying my job, constantly clashing with people at my workplace. I also got dumped by girlfriend of 3 years due to distance which I admit was tough but I am moving on. Point is that I feel like I am already lost at the early stage of my life. I am not going out and socialising as much as i used to, and feel isolated as I live in a rural area. Hoping for advice on whether to tough it out, or to look after myself and go and start a new job in a new town whilst sacrificing income to give myself a chance to be happy.
9 Replies 9

ChildHeart
Community Member

Hi Ray,

It's great that you came here to share your thoughts and feelings with us as it's a very supportive and kind community here.

In my personal opinion, I feel like you just answered your own question when you added that the second option gives you a chance to be happy.

Making changes in our life and jumping into the unknown can be scary and it's often fear that stops us from moving forward. I know this may sound cliche but listen to your heart and let it guide you. What is it that you truly want?

Keep reaching out as we are listening. 🙂

livi_mivi
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hey Ray,

Firstly, welcome and congratulations on graduating high school! I think the one thing that high school doesn’t prepare for you for is how big of a shift and change life after high school is. You should definitely give yourself some credit for all of your efforts and for transitioning into a new period of life.

It’s hard to know what to do when you are granted the freedom to decide what to do with your life. I believe thinking about what things brings you joy and what things don’t fulfil you anymore might be a great start! At the end of the day, you need to do things that make YOU happy and if that means sacrificing income to make yourself happy then so be it. I think its also important to get yourself prepared and comfortable with whatever decision you’re going to make. Whilst any big decision or change is always going to come with some uncertainty and fear, it could be good to outline what this change means for you: what job you might want, what things in this new town interest you (places to see and go, hobbies/activities etc.), what things do I need to organise before I move (finances, job, place to stay etc.). Alternatively, you might think about what kind of things you might want to do if you were to stay: are there any new jobs in the area that interest me, any kind of activities/hobbies that I haven’t tried, any friends that I haven’t connected with in a while that are in this town?

Ultimately, comfort might turn to resentment and unhappiness if you let it go on for too long. It’s okay if you decide that leaving isn’t for you right now, it’s okay if you try it out and it’s not for you and it’s okay if you go and you love it. Whatever decision you make, you will learn and grow from it.

I wish you luck in finding that joy, whatever it may look like!

AverageAusGuy
Community Member

Hi Ray27,

I am sorry to hear that you have had a tough time lately and that you are feeling lost.

You are definitely not meant to have everything figured this early in life. I think society puts too much pressure on young people to have it all figured out so soon.

Your late teens/ 20s are for getting out and exposing yourself to as many new experiences as possible. Try new hobbies, meet new people, study, work in different jobs etc. That's how you will eventually end up finding the things that you actually want to pursue to give you direction.

Moving to a new city might not be a bad idea. Just try to have a plan. Try to have work lined up. Maybe enquire about some sports teams or social groups you can get into. Maybe have a course that you want to study there. Try to build a network as quickly as possible when you get there. The first year in a new city is usually the hardest but these things should help.

All the best.

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey Ray27,

Congrats on the graduation car purchase!

Sorry to hear about the break-up with your ex and issues at work. Relationships and work are such big parts of our life, they can be really tough to deal with. I understand you're feeling quite lost, and I think that's pretty normal (though that doesn't make it any less hard) for this stage of life. You're going through quite a few transitions in your personal, social and work lives.

Reading the others' responses, it looks like there's a pretty similar sentiment in terms of advice of where to go from here, and I will probably just end up echoing it a little bit.

Staying or going to a new city are both pretty viable options. A lot of that will come down to questions which I'm sure you're already trying to answer like, what makes you happy? Will you be able to get a good job in a new town? What would that new life look like? All are pretty hard to find answers to in the abstract unless you already know.

Perhaps it could be good to start at the beginning in terms of your current feelings of isolation. Is that something you are able to address where you are now? There may be fewer support systems around you and perhaps fewer options in terms of socialising as much as you're used to, especially while working. But you may find that if you can get the support you want, you won't even want to move. Or you may find that you'll want to move despite it - but at least you'll be able to move knowing that, if things go south, you can always come back and feel supported.

The transition from school to work is really big and it takes quite a few years before things will start to settle down a bit. I'm 30 now and what helped me most was making sure I always knew I had people I could count on, regardless of what I chose to do. It made the choices that came up, like what job to do or whether to go overseas or stay, much easier because I knew things would somehow work out and I'd have people around me either way.

James

jaz28
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Ray27,

I am sorry to hear. Leaving school is definitely a huge adjustment that a lot of people struggle with. You're right - you need to be happy and sometimes that takes sacrifice. You are only young, and the world is your oyster! I think you should trust your gut and do what makes you happy!

It can take a while to adjust to life outside of school, I mean you have been at school for the past 12-13 years! That is a long time, so give yourself a break! What is meant for you will come to you. Surround yourself with positive people and things that make you happy.

All the best,

Jaz xx

missep123
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Ray27,

I agree with what everyone else has written, life after school can be a huge adjustment and often it is a time where we are truly trying to figure out who we are and what makes us happy. One thing that I realised through my life experiences after school is to imagine myself like a bobble (those things that are in the ocean) sometimes the water might overtake me but through time I do find myself naturally bobbing up again. I think it is so important to think about what truly brings you happiness but also who brings you happiness. If moving is an option that might help in terms of finding your happiness then that really may be a choice.

Congratulations also on being able to buy a car! That is a huge achievement.

We are rooting for you!

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

hi.

as indicated by the other posters those first years out of the school are a big adjustment. And I have to take my hat off to you for being able to buy a car as well. There are right or wrong answers with what you decide to do. Perhaps the best suggestion I could give is :what would you suggest to friend who told you that story?

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Ray, firstof all congratulations for buying a new car, an achievement many others would want to do, so there could be those who are jealous of you being able to do this.

Losing a girlfriend can certainly be a dampener, but it seems as though your life is developing in another direction and if you do move to another town, you can't be sure whether the people there are going to be any better and to socialise could put you in the same position.

I'm not saying you shouldn't move, but what you used to do, may need to be changed, because sometimes people get bored doing the same old, same old activities and need to be stimulated in other ways.

Living in a rural town, like I do as well, the people have all changed, moved on or I don't even recognise them now and where we used to socialise has all changed.

If a new relationship does develop then this may also change how you feel, and this may happen not by actually socialising at night but during the day, by accident.

Geoff.

Gambit87
Community Member

Hey Ray27,

Welcome!

Something my psychologist said has really stuck with me - When you're in recovery, you'll usually pin point where your depression started for you. Like you, my depression started when I finished school! I had no idea what I was doing, where I was going and made mistake after mistake.

Hoping for advice on whether to tough it out, or to look after myself
and go and start a new job in a new town whilst sacrificing income to
give myself a chance to be happy.

Something I've learnt over the years is that money comes and goes and it shouldn't dictate how you live your life. Work/life balance is so important and I feel it plays a major role in how we feel.