First day in years without being on medication
Hi there. I've been a frequent flyer on the beyond blue forums in a past life and I'm back again these days. Just a bit of an update.
Over the past number of years I have been dealing with depression and anxiety. Part of my treatment plan has included medications with the help of specialists. Today is the first day where I will no longer be on medications and I am now going to start implementing better lifestyle choices.
Not too long ago I was in hospital, and also I had posted on here sharing about my expeirences with depression and anxiety.
I recently quit a full time job because it was not fulfilling enough and I believe that 2 years of covid lockdown has impacted all of us in some degree. For me this was especially hard given the lack of human contact.
I think it's fair to say that all of us want some change in our lives given the last 2 years. I am kind of comforted by that fact and that people no matter where you go on this planet will now have stories to tell about the impact of covid on their life.
Here's to new beginnings and the notion of rebirth
It is nice to hear from you.
I've been well I think. A lot is going on and I feel like I have been on top of it mostly. It's now been over a month not on medications.
It feels strange to be this liberated. I think I am making mistakes but I am reflecting on them more. I have memories constantly coming up too also which is strange.
I am looking at taking a slightly different approach to dating apps - just keeping them on but not actively using them. I think it is a huge distraction atm.
I am slowly focusing on where I can go next in life. Need to make new connections. Need to start doing things I care about.
I am looking at maybe going overseas to study but unsure. Been quite occupied with other things in the short/medium term. Going overseas is a long term thing that needs more planning and HOPEFULLY tomorrow I can do that plan if it works out
My friend I am now more convinced than ever that things are a bit better than they were. I know that isn't much of a change. But it is what it is hey?
I need to spend less time thinking about a narrative in my life that tells me that time has been wasted in my 20s. Rather than think that, I need to try and focus on the fact that things HAVE happened but I just need to recall what they are.
There is so much I could say, but I may leave it here and come back tomorrow after I see my psych.
Thanks for checking in and I do hope that I see you in the next couple of days 🙂
It is good to hear from you, too, busy as you are. 😸With all the thoughts & memories, I wonder if you keep a journal? I had found writing very helpful when my brain seemed to be , as if 'dumping' everything out at me. I felt writing imposed some sort of order, & allowed me a little rest following a session of writing.
You could also sort out all the thoughts & ideas you might have about what it is you really care about & want to do. Just the act of writing or talking over these things with your Psych can help to clarify where you want to go, what your goals are & even how to achieve them.
The complex task of going overseas to study - I think I'd like a step by step plan. Maybe focus on a time frame as well, or leave that until you are feeling this is really going to happen soon?
I've been thinking about a possible trip overseas myself. It doesn't seem like I can though. But it seems to me all the things to do just to get on a plane seemed to be a lot & I am not sure I could keep track of everything done & not done. I marvel how so many people seem to do it!
😸I'd've thought you don't really have time for dating apps!
Day to day, we can't observe the small changes we make, the growth, the way we begin to view the world & ourselves. It is more easily seen from some time later when we look back & recall the earlier years. That's another reason a journal is good. You can look back & see where you have been over many years, if you like. & the change yu see may be quite startling.
Even if you look at your earliest posts on BB, I'm sure you will see how much differently you think & feel today.
Sounds to me like you have sensible goals, a great outlook, & only one thing I'd suggest, keep your eye on today, & a little ahead into your future.
hey my friend
I have tried to keep a journal but i do find it hard to stop and write things down. That said I do reflect a good deal on things which are happening in my life. I do enjoy that so long as it is done with a good vibe.
My psych was good today. I felt free to speak about anything and so Idid. It turned out a lot better than last time I went. there is no judgement at all. that's what we need. we spent time talking about goals and such so that was good too.
Yes studying overseas is a complex thing and will require some time dedicated to it. I need to stop procrastinating with it.
I do agree with you here - Day to day, we can't observe the small changes we make, the growth, the way we begin to view the world & ourselves. It is more easily seen from some time later when we look back & recall the earlier years.
You know I think I have been more conscious of how i have developed as a person over the past few months. there has been a great deal of work taking place under the bonnet so to speak (meaning my mind and psychological predisposition). I did keep a journal from when i went overseas about 3 years ago and funnily enough it was the same time of the year exactly 3 years later that i opened it and read it. Strange how things happen like that isn't it?
"Even if you look at your earliest posts on BB, I'm sure you will see how much differently you think & feel today."
Oh yes! very much so !
One day at a time hey?
See you around and hopefully soon
Yep! One day at a time, as 'they' say, or, if you prefer, keep putting one foot in front of the other, & before you realise it, you've trekked clear across the shopping centre! & you need a rest & a recharge, 😸 to go up the escalator & trek the second floor... but I'm not trying to put you off, or anything, because I have confidence in you. 😺
Mind if I ask what you do to 'manage' these roiling emotions? My hope is that you are being very patient with yourself, listening as if to a little child, & trying to help yourself to make sense of them.
& maybe, you remember to breathe!
I'm going out early tomorrow, so I can't be here long tonight. Nevertheless, HanSolo,I've got some more of those warm ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️for you to carry around in your pockets, so you don't need to feel alone.😺Imagine holding one - you might even feel it purr.
Indeed - one step at a time. one foot in front of the other.
This afternoon I feel rather overwhelmed with everything. I have written up my list for next week and this has helped abit. Watched a video on youtube that helped a bit too.
Realised I need to make a list of things that are currently bothering me, upsetting me, depressing me. It could be hard to start so if I do that now I will consider today a good day. I have sent of a job application for peer support. I have also looked at some more roles in that area.
Right now though methinks I need some rest. Before my night meeting of course.
Hmm - patiences with myself? Not so much and I noticed it yesterday in fact. The notion of radical self compassion is a new one I heard recently and so I have started to implement that ever since, but only yesterday did I realise that meant taking everything in consideration. It isn't merely about expression of empty platitudes and affirmations towards myself... it is acually a form sympathy born out of experience. If I remember my own experience in mental ill health then I am better able to expression radical self compassion. It's a way of contextualising things I guess.
Gonna go for small nap here now for 30 mins before my meeting tonight. I do hope you are well mmMekitty
Thanks for dropping in - i do hope you early outing was positve 🙂
I'm not into the mouthing of plattitudes & affirmations, although some people do find it is useful for them as a way of encouraging more positive thoughts & attitudes about themselves, & co-incidently reducing the negative, because while saying the affirmations, they are not saying the other. My problemarises with the idea that simply repeating these things does not actually get down deep to where the negative talk began. I fear a superficial redirection will only mask & permit the unhealthy thought & beliefs to fester & maybe come out when we are in a new vulnerable state or situation which feels threatening.
Rest as required, good-o. I have proven to myself I cope better when well-rested. How to get that quality rest is another question!
As you may know, I like the idea of writing things out. So, maybe a list of emotions will help? I hope so. It may be helpful,if only to name these emotions. When I began naming my emotions, I did find they didn't feel so big & powerful. Just words, words to describe, words I used & could manipulate. That felt good to do. It was hard, at first, because I felt like I'd been dumped into the deep end, not knowing how to float, let alone swim. Even this gets easier, as I realised it was not inevitable that I would drown in emotions. I survived them. 😺
Yeah I have realised I need to view myself and just about everything I do now in my life from here on out through the realm of self compassion.
I have realised some things about my experiences growing up. Some thing that took place that should not have. Where I was emotionally traumatised. Where I created a functional shell to cope.
I think that this has unearthed a good deal of solid matter in my psyche that can be broken down now and lost to the history books. It also explained why I make choices now and why do I do some things.
It has only come through the lens of self compassion.
I do hope you are well
😺 Hi HanSolo, you, now like a 🐣! I hope you are feeling well, too.
I began today very, very early with much discomfort, but now I feel better. Not sure why it was so bad, though, so what can I do to not feel so uncomfortable in my guts again? These things are passing irritations, though, in the wider scheme of things.😼
Hopefully, you will be able to confine the 'solid matter' to a small area. I wouldn't suggest tossing it all out just yet, because even these experiences & memories can reveal useful knowledge & insight, about ourselves & others.
You are a stronger, wiser, more caring & compassionate, as never before! You have learned so much.😺Through all this growth, you'll find ways to giving to yourself the things you need.
Have a great day!
I love this idea of confining the solid matter to a smaller area. I agree with it completely and I think that is exactly what I will do. Yesterday I took a day off from stuff i needed to do. I ended up seeing an old school friend (was totally unplanned when i got up in the morning). I got some good coffee and good food. I also went and saw a film (The Northman). It was really good and the themes were very deep.
I am now realising the benefits of self reflection in an honest way and I am finding myself at peace with some demons. There is still more to be done in that regard. I plan on writing out some things from the past tomorrow morning.
You are very kind to be helping me with this stuff and providing some help
I do hope your gut pains subside soon