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Financial stress

FeelingGrey
Community Member

How do we cope with the constant negative press and the fact that the cost of living and interest rates are about to go through the roof. I eventually won’t be able to afford my house. It’s my fault that I let this happen to my family. I feel like there’s no way out of this and I can’t seem to function.

I have these thoughts regularly but had been doing well for the last 5-6 weeks. I’d been avoiding the news during that time, keeping myself busy as well and then today, I caught a glimpse of some news articles on my phone. I feel it’s set me right back and I’m back to feeling that there’s no wait out.

13 Replies 13

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi there, FeelingGrey,

This is a very relatable post, and we are grateful you found the courage to share! I think a lot of members of the forums will be able to appreciate the feelings you are experiencing. 

We want to make sure you are left alone in this and the very best option to explore for now is to reach out to a Financial counsellor and see what assessments they can make and supports they can recommend. If you start with the national website, you can find the site for your region: https://ndh.org.au/financial-counselling/find-a-financial-counsellor/
From there, make an appointment with the provider closest to you!

The government's Money Smart service has budgeting templates that you can use at home as well. Hopefully these together will help with feeling a bit more in control. Talking out fears and concerns can be truly helpful in regaining a sense of stability and future planning; your financial counsellor will certainly help with that; of course you are welcome to reach out to us as well: we are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or click here to start a webchat

Please hang in there for now, FeelingGrey!

Regards,

Sophie M.

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear FeelingGrey~

Welcome here to the Forum, it's a good place to come as you get other views. Not a bad thing.

OK, you have some adverse circumstances, and that has been preying on your mind. However you have done a most sensible thing and occupied yourself without daily reminders. This is a pretty good strategy.

In a way that glimpse you had is not all bad, it let you know what was happening out there , and that is necessary so you end up making intelligent choices based on facts.

You can't change prices, so you simply strengthen yourself so you cope with whatever happens. You know already not dwelling on the news helps, so why not go back to doing that for a bit? That together with the sort of healing activities by keeping busy is good strategy.

One thing that you do not mention in your post is if you are sharing all this with your family. Do you have a partner to talk matters over with and plan - or if not a family member perhaps? A lot of people shoulder too much by themselves. This not good, burdens are meant to be shared

What do you think?

Croix

Thank you so much for your reply. What you say makes sense and your right, I had been keeping myself busy and it was working.

I think I just had a really bad day and I miss my wife and kids. I’m here in Australia but they’ve gone home to our home country for a holiday 2 weeks ago. I join Them in July and today for some reason I really missed them.

yes, I’ve shared my struggle and my thoughts with family and friends and they’ve been great at supporting me and putting things in perspective. I just seem to be on a bit of a see saw journey for the last few months and I really thought I was coming out of the dark and back to the light. Things had been good for 5-6 weeks but my first lapse back to the negative press and news just dragged me back down. And being on my own right now, didn’t help.

Thank you for your reply and suggestions. I will definitely look into them. Much appreciated:)

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello FeelingGrey, the news wants people to watch their station, so they keep mentioning what's affecting either the country and/or yourself with high petrol prices and increased rates.

I know you are missing your wife and your kids and can talk with them via any program you've signed up with, and possibly save some money by not going o/s, but if you already have the ticket, then you can go and be with them.

You can talk with your bank and discuss these problems and an adjustment can be made, but being on your own can create all the negative thoughts you don't want.

Take this situation back 25 years or so, we had to pay 19% interest when we were purchasing a home and my overdraft was much higher and this was when my ex wasn't working, but we had to adjust what we spend money on and certainly cut back to a minimum.

There is always a worry, but Sophie has suggested some good links.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

FeelingGrey
Community Member

Thank you all for your replies.

I think 1 thing in particular that I struggle with, in regards to finances, is that my wife refuses to discuss our finances. If I go back 6-12 months, when I wasn’t depressed, we would have no problem discussing our finances. We are in the middle of a house renovation which unfortunately has seen our builder go bust and is the event that triggered my spiral. Initially, my wife would, as we have always done, look at our finances with me and plan accordingly. However, as time went by, and our renovation didn’t go to plan, I started to obsess with our money and catastrophise the situation to the point that she feels we are in a strong position and that I’m exaggerating. She now no longer wants to review our finances but I feel she needs to so that we get on the same page. I would constantly bring it up with her to the point, as I mentioned, she just doesn’t want to hear it anymore. In fact, she’s told me to leave if I keep bringing it up with her. She’s helped me a lot, been incredibly supportive, but she’s being dragged down by my mood and it’s impacting her and our kids I understand her perspective but it’s hard. Being worried about money, not being able to pay my mortgage is bad but Losing my family would be by far the absolute worst outcome

im not sure what to do from here. Is she right and we are in a strong place (I tend to agree with her when we looked at it rationally in the past). Or am I right and we’re not in a good place (although I catastophise things).

I look at things rationally and feel, whatever happens we will be ok. But then the voices start, or I see a news report like I mentioned previously, and rational thoughts are replaced with doom.

Maybe as some of you recommended a financial counselor could give me an independent opinion.

sorry bout my ramble. I feel this is helping me though and thank you for reading/listening.

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear FeelingGrey~

I'm a person a bit like you in that I tend to think the very worst will happen at times as I have an anxiety condition. This is not logical, it is simply how I feel, and it has taken a long time ot get to the point where I will accept the judgment of the few I have confidence in.

This may not stop me worrying but at the back of my mind I know I'm probably overreacting as I've been given the most likely outcome (normally much better than I feared) by that trusted person.

Once that person has told me what is reasonable to expect they have learned that logic will not still my thoughts, and to endlessly repeat that logic is fruitless - and can lead ot frustration and even annoyance.

So I think I may understand your wife's position. It is very tempting for you to raise the subject again, however the answers are not going to be any different and repeating the discussion will not help you - or her

I don't realy know how you can stop stressing over finances. As you have mentioned of recent times you have been depressed, obsessing and sophisticating I would suggest that seeing your GP with a view to a medical counselor or psych might be the most effective way to improve matters

You could visit a financial counselor, preferably with your wife so the picture painted was accurate, however I don't know if that wold be the complete answer, it might help, but once again it may be logic vs emotion.

I do know you are right about one thing - losing a house and having a mortgage you cannot pay - if it were to actually happen - would indeed be a real setback, but losing your family and the love of your kids and partner would be so much worse.

I would suspect that together you can can cope with whatever life throws at you.

I hope to hear how you are getting on

Croix

Thank you croix.

what you’ve said there makes so much sense.you’re right, logic doesn’t seem to matter. Facts don’t seem to matter. The emotional thinking takes over and I spiral and come to the worst conclusion. And I rehash it over and over. That’s what’s annoyed my wife so much. It’s like Groundhog Day she has said in the past. I think I get it now. But also as you said, I can’t seems to stop thinking that way.

To fix everything I feel we need a complete reset and i Don’t care what that costs (as long as it’s not my family oh course). Id pay $1m just to stop thinking this way, not that I have that money!

But then I think would that really fix everything. Sell the house, probably at a loss, go bankrupt, leave the country and go home to where I’m from and where our families live.

the more I think about that, I then think to myself, well is that really that bad. A fresh start. Of course it’s worst case scenario and most likely won’t happen but as I think about it here, it’s comforting to know there’s an option there if things went really bad. and probably other options too. I’ve got an uncle in Brisbane who could take us in if things got real bad. Hmm… my logical brain seems to be firing this morning… 🙂

maybe it’s ok to catastrophise but instead of focussing on the doom, maybe I should think about what options I’d have if the worst did happen. And I think I’d have sone good options available.

I haven’t spoken to my gp but I have been seeing a psychologist for about 6 weeks. He’s helped me a lot but as I said, with my family away I just had a few really bad days this week. I see him again in 2 weeks and I’ll share this with him as well.

talking helps so much. Thanks again for reading my story and sharing yours.

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear FeelingGrey~

I'd not think a complete reset would be an advantage, if one believes your wife then things are going ot work out without a huge upheaval. As your anxiety comes more and more under control such a drastic step may well appear to you too as unnecessary.

From what you've said you've shared your worst fears with your wife to the extent she has come to want to avoid discussing them as she can never reassure you, certainly 'Groundhog Day' makes sense.

Now you are starting to look at those fears, not as undefined disasters, but as concrete examples of things that can be coped with , even if unpleasant. That is indeed an improvement.

There is something to consider. Do you think your wife might like to hear this more positive attitude, or is it too early?

Do you think this might be worth discussing with you psych first, it could be tricky after all?

I do know my own partner does express relief when I acknowledge some of my gloomier fancies are just that - fancies not based on fact.

The reason I make this suggestion is we both feel that family is the most imortant thing.

Croix