Depression is so common, where is everyone?

[Mickook]

I’ve had depression all my life and been on medication for many years.  It’s affected every part of my life.  The hardest part about it is the lack of understanding or support around me.  My family doesn’t understand it or even acknowledge it.  They don’t want to know! Too busy! I feel very alone and disconnected.  I wish l had someone or people to talk to as l know it would really help.  I feel really tired all the time and very, very angry.   I spend so much time crying it’s ridiculous!!! I’m really exhausted trying to figure it out.  I spend so much time fighting myself and my negative thoughts.  Everyday l say to myself that tomorrow will be better.  I’ve been saying this for 40 years and now realise that tomorrow has arrived and it’s not better.  I’m at a dead end now and really sick of myself.  There are so many people out there who have depression, it’s astounding but where are they? How do l meet them? I wish for peace.  Thanks for reading. 

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Mickook,

It is great you have reached out here. Many here suffer from depression, myself included. I feel hopeless at times too. Today was a very low day for me so I understand that feeling of being stuck. I don't know how it is for you, but the very definition of depression for me feels like stuckness, a kind of frozen state where it is hard to move forwards in life. I don't know if this would help for you, but I find allowing myself to feel my emotions rather than fighting or blocking them seems to help. It's like allowing emotions that somehow got trapped just to let go. I think the crying you describe is like a pressure release valve. Those emotions have to spill out at some point. I'm wondering if you can practise really gentle kindness towards yourself at those times? So see if you can not be angry or frustrated at yourself but loving towards yourself. Self-nurturance can sometimes help to melt some of the depression.

It does make it easier if there are others around you who understand. I think we often try to be stoic or mask our level of struggle when it feels like others do not understand, like it is the only option we have. But opening up and sharing in a safe environment where we feel supported is very important. So feel free to express how you feel here. It's a non-judgemental forum here and others will probably chime in with some thoughts too.

Please take care of yourself and go gently. I know you feel you are sick of yourself, but see if you can quieten the inner critic and find a kind, gentle voice within. This has been a really hard one for me, but very gradually, at least some of the time, a kinder voice towards myself is emerging to counter my tendency to get critical, angry and disappointed in myself. Sending you kind thoughts and support.

Eagle Ray