depressed and wanna let stuff out... feel free to do so too

[me12345]

I have bad depression and anxiety, I see a psychologist for it but it's recently gotten a lot worse so I've started going on antidepressants. I'm not one to open up about things so for a long time I was letting everything build up, pretending that I was fine but in reality, I was really depressed with nobody knowing. It started to get harder to hide and eventually my mum sort of realised and now here I am.

It's not that I like being depressed because we all know that it's a horrible feeling, but I like feeling sad. It's my comfort space and it's what I'm used and I think this is one of the reasons as to why I can't recover/start to feel better. I like to cry because I'm so beyond sad and I like when it's a cold rainy day and I all I do is lay in bed the whole day because I have zero motivation and I really really hate myself.

I've only just started going on antidepressants and it's been really rough, it hasn't made me feel any better or worse but it's made my anxiety get worse and I really hate it. What my mum doesn't seem to understand is that the antidepressants aren't actually doing anything to my depression (she thinks they're making it worse). This is how I have always felt and always been but she is actually just seeing it whereas before I would bottle it all up and hide away in my room. I'm finding it annoying because it makes it feel like how I feel and all this sadness I have isn't valid which I don't like. There are some things that I wish my mum could understand and I get that she is trying to help but sometimes I just want to be left alone and at the moment that is all I want.

I'm not sure if this is making any sense or if anybody is actually going to read this but yeah.

[Not_Batman]

Hello me12345

first, welcome & thanks for sharing. It takes courage to do so even on an anonymous forum, so be proud of yourself for that.

second, baby steps. One step a time. If you fall, you’ll get back up. 🙂 it all takes time end energy to get to a point where you feel like your old self, normal, or however you want to describe it. Be patient and kind and loving and compassionate to yourself.

im so glad you are talking to someone about AnxDep, and getting some treatment. It make learning the coping mechanism easier when you can be guided.

I had a lot of trouble with my first antidepressants. the trouble with antidepressants it that they dont work the way the do in movies. And its a bit of a misconception that they work immediately, and make everything better. Truth is they work differently for everyone, and they will take time to kick in before you start to feel better. I found that a lot of people didn't understand that.

it sounds like your mum is really trying to help. It helps when there is someone there to hold your hand. Good on the both of you.
as for bottling things up, i use the analogy of a bucket over your head. For everything that you bottle up you pour water into the bucket. Keep doing it until the bucket is full and it will overflow. The bucket is still full but now there is a mess. We need to do things that let the water out before it over flows.

also, i see nothing wrong with a cold rainy day, its a chance to wrap up in a blanket and get warm and cozy. Do you think your sadness is a matter of perspective? Sometimes we need to think of something from a different view to then be able to see. Maybe we cant see it, but someone else can, thats why we need to ask for help occasionally.

i hope things look up for you soon. Keep at it.

Not_ Batman

[Petal22]

Hi me12345,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

When I first started antidepressants they did make things worse before they got better so hang in there if you are concerned about your symptoms you can talk to your gp.

Antidepressants can take up to 6 weeks to work fully.

Your mum sounds very caring but I understand sometimes the people close to us find it hard to understand what we are going through if they haven’t been through it themselves.

Maybe your mum may find it helpful to see your gp with you if you want her to so she can get an understanding of what you are going through.

[Helena Smith]

Just wanted to say that your feelings are valid. Being where you feel safe, alone and crying, is OK ; you do need to move out of that space but it is where you feel you are now. I have been on antidepressants for a number of years now and they work very well for me. It does take about 6 weeks to kick in and not all tablets work for all people but keep trying. They arn't a magic pill but they do help to bring you up to where you can see the light. Once you can see the light you can try to deal with your problems, learn some coping tools, start to feel like you belong again. Good luck on this journey, you are not alone.

[geoff]

Hello Me, sometimes by feeling sad could mean that you are entitled not to do anything someone else wants you to do, but we are told by our doctor that if you felt this way for a long time then it could be depression, that's for a doctor to determine.

Now that you are taking AD's your mum has started to take notice more of how you are, but when you are feeling as though 'this sadness I have isn't valid', then perhaps the AD's are slowly beginning to work.

Geoff.

[Sophie_M]

Dear me12345,

We would like to welcome you to our wonderfully supportive community. We are pleased you found the strength and courage to post about your confusion around your mental health meds. We see that you have received some excellent advice from some of our wonderful community members already.

It's excellent that you are under the care of Mental Health professionals. We would like to encourage you to talk with your doctors about what you are currently experiencing with your meds. They should be able to help you get some better understanding around that which you are currently experiencing.

Whenever you start feeling stuck or trapped, we would encourage you to call BeyondBlue at 1300 22 4636, or Lifeline at 13 1114. The professionals at either of these services can offer you temporary care whilst you are waiting for your next appointment with your Psychologist.

We are always here for you.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.