Confusion, frustration and mindlessness with my life

[Lana1234]

Hi, I will keep this brief (as much as I can)

I first went to my doctor for a different issue I ended up coming out with. I found out I was extremely stressed and anxious, honestly hadn't thought about it but I was constantly worrying, over thinking, angry and defensive. However I loved life most days. It has been some time since then and I am now seeing a psychologist.

Things have gone down hill very fast and i'm not sure why as I believe the opposite is meant to happen. I have only seen them a couple times, once a fortnight, however when I leave I feel 100 times worse, as I reopen bad memories etc. It takes me about a week to feel anything good again.

I am falling to pieces as I fail uni, cant see my friends and wake up instantly thinking about everything terrible in mind that I cant seem to escape. I keep trying to better myself but by the end of the day I physically and mentally cant do anymore. I don't see a future for my self, which upsets me a lot.

I will mention that I have had pretty bad depression and anxiety before however this feels a lot different. The psychologist did say I might have ADD or some sort of learning disability which just makes me even more stressed as I try to study and now overthink things even further like if I am getting distracted or if i can read, must say I have found I get very distracted and it takes a lot of effort to sit down and read. I constantly think whats the point which leads me down a dark hole.

This probably sounds very weird but I feel like I don't want to be inside my body but be free, like a bird. I am not sure if I have a question to be answered but anything to clear my mind up would be amazing.

Thanks

[Sophie_M]

Dear Lana1234,

We're so greatful to have you reach out to our community tonight and are sorry to hear about what you've been going through. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. We're also checked in with you via email to provide you with some additional supports.

Keep checking in to let us know how your're going, whanever you feel up to it.

[Lana1234]

Hi, Sophie

Thanks for the welcome and I will check out those other links in the email.

[doonzy]

hi lana

i completely understand about feeling worse after coming out. same thing happens to me. im hoping that eventually it gets better and that opening up old wounds is to make them heal properly but it does take a huge toll at the start. but you have got this. it takes strength to say you need help and you will find a path for your future and it will be amazing you legend!!!

[Charli82]

Hey there,

When I first started seeing my psychologist I came out of there with migraines! Digging up all those bad memories we try so hard to sweep under the rug. I couldn’t sleep for days after. This went on for some time, until one day I walked out feeling ‘lighter’. It just happened.

Keep going. Some things take longer than others. I know it’s tough but you can do it. You are doing the right thing for yourself.

Maybe look into the ADD thing a little more. Anxiety & Depression are also causes of lack of concentration etc.

And, if you do have ADD, this is totally manageable. Some of the most successful people in the world have ADD.

xx

[David35]

You said that you come out of your psych sessions feeling worse. I used to feel the same when I saw my psychiatrist. In fact, we'd argue a lot. But it got me thinking about the whole process. Why they can't just give you the answers and then I walk out all happy. It's usually because s/he wants YOU to discover the answers for yourself. We're all unique. What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for someone else, so the confusion that you go through is normal. That's just my opinion. They can offer advice/suggestions but ultimately it's up to you. Sometimes writing how you feel helps being able to express your emotions first in order to understand them better, especially if your introverted like I am.

There's usually 4 stages to changing someone's mindset. The first is denial, the second is confusion (what happens now?), the third is acceptance (maybe there is something I could do), the fourth is the actual change (a new attitude replaces an old one). Just tackle one thing you have control of that you can change.

[Lana1234]

Hey everyone.

Thank you guys so much for your support. Really appreciate everything. I am starting to feel a lot better and I hope I can keep feeling in control and happy. I am going to look into the ADD/ADHD which I hope will clear things up and help with uni work. I felt so much lighter and didn't wake up hating myself the next day after I wrote this.

Thank you guys again, this is an amazing community.