Hello all, I'm very new to Online Forums, but would greatly appreciate
the unbiased views of others. I'm a mum of four young adult children, 45
years old, and have suffered depression previously post-natally, as well
as on and off over the years. In ...
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Hello all, I'm very new to Online Forums, but would greatly appreciate
the unbiased views of others. I'm a mum of four young adult children, 45
years old, and have suffered depression previously post-natally, as well
as on and off over the years. In relation to my current diagnosed
depression, it began in early 2007. Up until about 6-8 months ago I was
coping quite well, just on anti-depressants. I also worked full time as
a Senior Legal Assistant, and as a Civil Celebrant on weekends. But now
my world has come crashing down, and I'm struggling to make sense of it.
Around the same time my husband started a new FIFO job, our 20yo started
to rebel against my authority. As a result, I found myself taking more
and more time off work. My employer found out about my depression. In a
rash moment one day, I emailed my resignation to him. The next day I
sent a further email requesting to rescind my resignation, as I had
since reconsidered and recognised the decision had been made on the spur
of the moment. You see, deep down inside I loved my job, I had done it
well for almost two years. But my boss declined, and advised me he would
be ACCEPTING my resignation. Suddenly I felt the stigma of depression
had reached out and touched me, quite literally. My condition, I
believe, was too hard for them to handle. And with that, the one thing
that kept me focussed and in touch with 'reality' was gone. That was a
month ago. I'm still struggling to find a suitable role elsewhere. But I
also suffer a chronic pain condition. You can't see it, so people don't
understand it. Three levels fused in my lumbar spine, three levels in my
neck, including an artificial disc. When I last wanted to see my
neurosurgeon, I was told he had taken his own life the day before. And
now no other neurosurgeon will 'touch' me. Pain management has only
rendered a 'band aid' effect. Even the strongest pain patches provided
limited relief. I recently changed GPs, who have changed my medication.
So that's a 'brief' overview of my life! I have a very close and
supportive family, in particular my husband and parents. But I struggle
to really reveal my true feelings to any of them. My GP has referred me
for counselling, but I'm struggling to want to leave the house. I'm
constantly thinking about death (only my own), even though I try not to,
especially at night! I constantly cry, sometimes for no good reason. I
feel total hopelessness with my situation, my illness, my life. Is this
increase in my symptoms just the transition with medications? I can't
tell my family what's really going on, I'm too ashamed. But I feel like
the medication is having no effect at all. My mood is still low, and I'm
still in such a dark place. The cost of regular doctor visits - as well
as counselling - is quite prohibitive, which is another reason I
probably shy away from seeking help. I feel so alone, it's easier just
to suffer in silence.
How do I talk to my doctor?
