Depression is horrible, that doesnt sound bad enough but its horrible,
its a beast that sucks all positive emotions from you. It sucks all
positive outlook draining anything positive from life. It leaves an
overwhelming hopelessness, a darkness that ...
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Depression is horrible, that doesnt sound bad enough but its horrible,
its a beast that sucks all positive emotions from you. It sucks all
positive outlook draining anything positive from life. It leaves an
overwhelming hopelessness, a darkness that seems never ending. Thats how
I feel at the moment, I feel like my life is bleak. Im on as much pain
medication that I can handle yet Im still in pain. I cant live anything
that resembles a normal life. Just driving to an appointment wears me
out for the day, let alone helping around the house or working. I need a
hair cut and that will have to be a morning thing or someone will have
to take me because of the pain meds. That will be all I can do for the
day, it will cause me too much pain. Just writing these posts I need to
shut my eyes and have a break time to time because I get too tired. I
keep having to talk to random people about my mental health issues,
people I dont know, I dont know their story or their motives and here I
am telling them all about my inner thoughts and feelings. 1/2 the time I
have to explain why I want a female to talk to, which shouldnt be a
question Im asked Since the diagnosis of Complex PTSD my mind has been
on my childhood, its been hard, remembering things that happened.
Realising why I am the way I am. Realising how little I trust my family
and with good reason. My tablet is completely locked down, it might look
open but to open an app you need my finger print. I dont feel I can
manage much more of this, the emptiness I feel, the hollowness, like Im
an emptied egg shell that just the slightest pressure will cause it to
break. Im so sick of feeling fragile, alone, shrouded in darkness. I
feel like there is a monster following me everywhere I go, just ready to
attack and absorb anything that resembles joy and a second monster that
just turns every situation to sh*t or a sh*t situation worse. Depression
is a horrible beast, you can only hope to survive it with as many limbs,
toes and fingers in tact at the end as is possible. Worse still is you
survive it and you are waiting for the beast to rise again, its just
waiting to attack once more.