Hi. I’m writing this at 4am, as I get a lot of restless nights thinking
about this. As the title suggests, I’m very lonely. Without getting into
everything, I’ll try to put down everything I can. Growing up, I had a
very abusive mother, who would alw...
View more
Hi. I’m writing this at 4am, as I get a lot of restless nights thinking
about this. As the title suggests, I’m very lonely. Without getting into
everything, I’ll try to put down everything I can. Growing up, I had a
very abusive mother, who would always make fun of me and tell me I was a
mistake. One of her “jokes” was that I was a chubby kid in high school,
so she used to put one of her bras on my bed and say since I’m so fat, I
might need one. The abuse even came from her extended family, with my
grandma telling me all the time how worthless I am and nobody will ever
like me. My family members have even shunned me over something my
grandma told them. My grandma had even brought up my cousin (who had
committed suicide) and told me she wished it was me instead of him. Even
my brothers have been no help. I would ask them advise on talking to
women, and I would either get ignored or insulted. Their only “advise”
was to get drunk and have sex with a drunk girl. My oldest brother would
mirror my mother at times, calling me a “fa**ot” I’ve never had a date,
let alone a relationship. I had tried to talk to women, but a lot of
encounters I’ve had, the woman would tell me to F*ck off or make fun of
my weight. I’m not obese or anything. I do have a little bit of a belly,
but I do workout frequently. I’ve tried dating apps, but never got any
matches I have tried sporting activities to help me meet people. Like
pro wrestling and ice hockey. Each time though, the same thing happened.
I would make friends, and then they turn on me. With wrestling, I was
given the nickname “muffin top” because of my physique and was bullied a
lot. In ice hockey, I voiced an opinion that my team should encourage
teamwork rather than yell how much we sucked. I was promptly kicked off
my team, had false rumours spread about me and started receiving death
threats. My older brother, who also plays in the same league, did
nothing to help.Because of my past experiences, I have major trust
issues and I’m afraid of people. I want to move past all that, talk to
people, and have a happy life. But I’m scared if I talk to people, I’m
just going to cop the same abuse. And the older I get, the more I feel
hopeless. Like nothing will change and how pathetic I must be to not
have a partner by now
How do I talk to my doctor?
