Alright so...let me clear up a few things first. I'm 18 and only just
getting somewhat comfortable with being more honest about what I'm
feeling. I have however, had the feeling since I was younger, that there
may be something "wrong with me." This i...
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Alright so...let me clear up a few things first. I'm 18 and only just
getting somewhat comfortable with being more honest about what I'm
feeling. I have however, had the feeling since I was younger, that there
may be something "wrong with me." This is not only because that's what I
was told here and there growing up, but mainly because of some past
trauma I experienced through childhood and my teen years, and also just
the way that my mind "works" in my day-to-day life. I don't want to dive
into anything specific or too detailed on here, but I did struggle with
SH from ages 13-17, but have somewhat replaced that "act" of it with
substance ab*se instead (Alcohol or Cannabis). I find that it's
difficult for me to stay sober for longer than 1-2 weeks or so. I get
overly anxious when I think about my past, present or future and this is
a daily occurrence. I get that it's one thing to worry, but once I dive
into that feeling, I pretty much spiral. When I am not having my "bad
days", I'm usually doing things I probably shouldn't be. I struggle with
maintaining healthy relationships with family, partners and even friends
in some instances. The more often I'm around or hanging out with a
person or specific people, I have a tendency to "put them on a pedestal"
or "hyper-fixate" on said people/person. When I am in a relationship, I
struggle with staying committed to that one person and am often tempted
to cheat or self-sabotage by starting unnecessary arguments once we're
out of the "honeymoon period." I also struggle with maintaining the same
job for a long period of time. I am constantly getting bored of things
and feel like I need to change things up all the time, whether that'd be
my appearance or the way I dress or just my personality overall. When it
all gets too stressful and I've been feeling too much all at once for a
period of time, I can go into a dramatic breakdown, tend to snap at
people unintentionally, have a panic attack (this is once every two
months or so, compared to everything else), I can go into a stage where
I completely stop caring, and will just want to go out and drink or
smoke and not want to even try to fix whatever the problem is. In some
cases though, I can also be doing some things that are good if I really
do try, like journaling and trying to understand how I feel and what the
root cause is. Sometimes but less than I'd like, I actually try to take
care of myself and do better, but then the same cycle repeats, once
something goes wrong even if it's something that may be considered
"small" to others. That's all I have off the top of my head for now.
But, are any of these signs of mental illness? Because if so, I'd really
like to get help sooner rather than later.
How do I talk to my doctor?
