I'm in my final year of school, but it doesn't feel like it. I can't
sleep half the time, and I just feel so disconnected from everything.
I'm a little sad, but mainly I just can't strive to get things done the
way I used to. Two years back pre-covid...
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I'm in my final year of school, but it doesn't feel like it. I can't
sleep half the time, and I just feel so disconnected from everything.
I'm a little sad, but mainly I just can't strive to get things done the
way I used to. Two years back pre-covid, I started taking vyvanse for
ADHD, and it all kind of ties back to that moment. I lost 40 kilos, went
from an extroverted socialite to an introverted loner. The
transformation was not instant but the 2020 lockdown harboured and
nurtured it into what it is now, or what I am now. To be honest I don't
mind the way I am, I just mind my own business and do what I need to do,
but at some point earlier this year something just clicked inside my
head, something that just made me numb to everything around me. I can't
pinpoint a time and date, but from then up till now, I just can't
function properly. I'm in year 12, the most important year of my
schooling and for some reason I skip school to sleep in, take sick days,
miss classes I need to go to, barely prepare for SAC's, all while
deceiving everyone around me as a person that is coping well. And what
do I do with all this amassed time? I lie in bed, blinds down and lights
off. After school? lie in bed. On the weekends? lie in bed. On the
school holidays? lie in bed. All i do is lie in bed. I know it's not
healthy, I'm an 18 year old who gets hypertension everywhere, I want to
get out and yet for some reason I can't. I thought I was just lazy at
first and brushed it off, but i've come to realise that its different,
in ways difficult to verbally express but is probably mutually
understood between readers of this forum. Indifference to those who
can't cope with the demands of 3/4 VCE, while I find it challenging,
it's not what makes me feel the way I feel or do the things I do. I will
admit that while not having friends makes everything more desolate, I
have become complicit with that. I just feel like everything I do lacks
sincerity, despite what I set to achieve. I want to get out of this
mindset, rehabilitate my deteriorating social skills and get out of this
opaque ditch that is currently my life, yet while I type this out, I
know fully well how many times I've never followed through.