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Caring for myself and others

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Staying well

Support each other to stay well, from mindfulness, sleep, diet and exercise to reducing drug and alcohol use and coping with difficult emotions.

BellaZlone Long time sober
  • replies: 1

hi I’ve been sober 5 years off drugs. I’ve more than ever lately been feeling tempted back to drugs as a coping mechanism. Last 6 months or so.. last week my family dog was put down. This week a close family friend whom I used to use with has come to... View more

hi I’ve been sober 5 years off drugs. I’ve more than ever lately been feeling tempted back to drugs as a coping mechanism. Last 6 months or so.. last week my family dog was put down. This week a close family friend whom I used to use with has come to be very unwell with cancer and in hospital. I can’t help but want to use lately this has been a push towards those feelings. I’ve been in a relationship for the past 4 years. Sober the whole time. I feel judged by him for my previous addiction. Can’t talk to him about my feelings of wanting to return to drugs. He was in a car accident 2 years ago and has drugs in his sock drawer leftover. I’m writing this instead of trying to distract him while I steal a few… I haven’t felt so tempted in my life. I need to stay sober. I’m finally in a place where I have a hope of a career and a future. I could ruin it with one decision. How bad could it be if I did? I could push away everyone then it wouldn’t affect anyone but me. I know awful but who would really care. I know a few. I need mostly to just vent but then again maybe some reassurance that this is normal after so many years sober. I can still get through it right? I feel I can only be resolved by using but I know that’s not true…

amd1953 Simple Pleasures
  • replies: 1

Today, I went for a walk in the winter sunshine. I sat beside a fresh mountain spring and listened to the stories it had to tell. The older I get the more I find pleasure in the very simple things that life has to offer.I like to escape the noise and... View more

Today, I went for a walk in the winter sunshine. I sat beside a fresh mountain spring and listened to the stories it had to tell. The older I get the more I find pleasure in the very simple things that life has to offer.I like to escape the noise and haste of the city and make my way up beyond the treeline where the light falls of snow are lying like coconut icing on a cake. I stop to listen to the wind through the tree branches. It is like a quiet whisper that carries the wisdom of the ages. I hear the birds singing but they stay well out of sight because I don't belong here. Eventually, the trees end, and I can look down into the valley below to where the city spreads out like a sleeping snow leopard. I meet up with the stream again and stand alone, quietly watching the fresh clean water cascade over the mossy rocks worn smooth by age. What a magical place this is and what a privilege it is to experience the peace and solitude it provides.amd1953

amd1953 Beyond the Blue Horizon
  • replies: 3

I sense that I am approaching the blue horizon. Even so, it retreats further away from me as if trying to conceal something important from me. What is there to hide that is worth so much subterfuge? What is it I need to know in this final stage of li... View more

I sense that I am approaching the blue horizon. Even so, it retreats further away from me as if trying to conceal something important from me. What is there to hide that is worth so much subterfuge? What is it I need to know in this final stage of life? Who knows? Who cares? Well, I certainly do. I want to understand everything that comes my way whether it is meant for me or not. Life is short enough without the sensation of feeling cheated and deceived. The challenge is to discover how to cut through the nonsense that cloaks its true meaning. If I were a camel, I would feel at home in the desert. If I were a dromedary, I would, indeed, feel cheated. See Wikipedia for camels/dromedaries. Spoiler alert! A dromedary only has one hump. If I were searching for a new home, I would look to the exoplanets. Cosmologically speaking, a much better place to permanently reside. The moon would be much too close for comfort. I am thinking another galaxy would be great. Certainly within a short drive to the restaurant at the end of the universe for tea and crumpets. Like Albert Camus, I am a rebel without a cause. I choose the absurdist rather than the existentialist philosophy. Everything in this life is engineered towards those with skills, talent and the will to succeed. I have now lost sight of the blue horizon. I am in freefall back to earth where I will lie quietly in the lush meadows and star at the blue sky.amd1953

Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Information on a range of different areas, including managing relationships with GPs and psychologists, and finding the right services for you.

PleaseHelp Sensitive topic Denial
  • replies: 0

My ex partner is in denial about sexual assault allegations that she & another woman made to me about an ex partner of hers. We have a young daughter together & we have been through family court which I initiated. With the support of an ICL I was abl... View more

My ex partner is in denial about sexual assault allegations that she & another woman made to me about an ex partner of hers. We have a young daughter together & we have been through family court which I initiated. With the support of an ICL I was able to have a restriction placed upon her from bringing her ex into contact with our daughter. I did this because her denial was so strong that she started to call him a good friend shortly after he was released from Jail into her parents care & what may have been a disclosure from our 3yr old daughter that he may have done something to her as well around the same time. When we first met she said that he would mentally abuse her & her parents would always take his side, belittle her & claim she was lying, apparently he was like a son to her dad. Years later after having our child a traumatic event in her life triggered a repressed memory & she disclosed he sexually assaulted her. I did not handle it well & jumped very fast to talk with her father as I feared for her & our daughter's safety. When I did so she shifted & said that she was uncomfortable with me instead to stop me. The disclosure was buried behind our subsequent breakup as I was gaslit & constantly forced to defend myself from constant lies & a new twisted reality in which nothing made sense. We got back together months later as none of that was real, I wanted the games to stop & I wanted my daughter to have a united family. The narrative became that she only said uncomfortable with me because of her traumatic day & I was not supportive. I also repressed the memory. Shortly after we got back together her ex was released into the care of her parents on bail after committing a violent assault & his ex disclosed to me that he had raped her too. My ex had previously had him blocked from contacting her 10yrs & had claimed she wanted him nowhere near our child as he was a psychopath & she feared him. But after his release to her parents & my protest to them which was rejected harshly, to avoid that same harshness she denied not just the sexual assault but everything else as well including his ex's claims. We broke up shortly after & I sought the restriction as she began to use my concerns for our daughter against me & claimed my efforts to protect our daughter was coercive. I am struggling to believe that she has been following the restrictions. She has conditioned me to not bring it up & I have to put faith in the restriction but I just can't. Please help.

Brisbane_women Re diagnosed to not have ADHD
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I was wondering if people have advice to either: Stop being on adhd medication as I no longer wish to be on it. Also is it possible for another psychiatrist to declare you not to have the condition anymore? I don’t believe I have any sym... View more

Hi everyone, I was wondering if people have advice to either: Stop being on adhd medication as I no longer wish to be on it. Also is it possible for another psychiatrist to declare you not to have the condition anymore? I don’t believe I have any symptoms that justify me being medicated and my current psychiatric isn’t being supportive. I think she believes the medication helps me regulate my emotions. I can assure you it doesn’t. I’m the same level of cry baby I always was with facing frustration situations. I'm feeling not heard and need advice. I haven’t been medicated from 10 to 33 and managed my life fine. it’s only been a year and a bit medicated and I feel it’s not right for me.

Brisbane_women ADHD & Driving
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I am looking for peoples personal experience on late adhd diagnosis and if they were told they needed to inform Transport of Main Roads of a Medical Condition that is likely to effect their ability to drive safely. It’s been brought to m... View more

Hi everyone, I am looking for peoples personal experience on late adhd diagnosis and if they were told they needed to inform Transport of Main Roads of a Medical Condition that is likely to effect their ability to drive safely. It’s been brought to my attention through experience that adhd is on the list of conditions that require you to inform the TMR (transport department). The website wasn’t clear and I uploaded a medical certificate I thought was what they wanted. They wanted the form F3712. I rushed to inform them as my GP kept emphasising that I have a commercial license and he believes I require periodic reviews to maintain my license. My psychiatrist never said anything to be. But I never asked. She know I was a truck driver and provided a note for my work. I only see her every 6 months and I was concerned that I would get pulled over and drug tested. And the test will show the medication. As a result my license was suspended pending that form being filled out and if not submitted my license being canceled.I was diagnosed when I was 6 and medicated until 10 years old then stopped. I’m now 34. Through out that time I have managed my very mild symptoms if any with no issues. I have a perfectly clean driving history. I have also had a truck driving job for 6 years. Prior to seeking medication. The reason for me seeking help now was to see if I was medicated would it help me pursue studying for another career as I am currently a truck driver and don’t want to do that for the rest of my life. Current situation i had to get an emergency appt with my psychiatrist. Not an easy thing as she only works part time. She had to take the form home to speak to a work colleague and I picked up the form. I noticed she missed a part of the form that was obviously her part to fill in. Ticking the boxes private and commercial boxes. Now I’m waiting for the medical side of the TMR office to be able to speak to my doctor to confirm what’s missing on my form and process it. This has been the biggest mess and the most regrettable life decisions I’ve made. I’m a casual worker. So this has cost me the ability to work and make a living. I have complained to the OHO because I believe this is a communication issue between psychiatrists and patients. But I’m not holding my breath. What I have learned about this so far is: it’s due to Jets Law which came in to play in 2008. You can be fined if you fail to disclose a medical condition that is likely to affect your ability to drive safely. You must be assessed based on the medical standard referred to in the ‘Fitness to drive guide 2022’’ it’s very vague. Looking forward to hearing from anyone.

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

New Beginning 1 Partner can not cope with difficult times
  • replies: 1

I am 51 years old and went through a very sad and painful marriage and divorce around 5 years ago. I have two children - 18 and 16 and am a loving and devoted sole parent. Both kids gave me absolute hell after the divorce and I was sole parenting fro... View more

I am 51 years old and went through a very sad and painful marriage and divorce around 5 years ago. I have two children - 18 and 16 and am a loving and devoted sole parent. Both kids gave me absolute hell after the divorce and I was sole parenting from day 1 of the separation as their dad was too unstable. They were traumatised and rebellious but things are getting better with them and they are generally nice kids, working and going to school. I opened myself up to a relationship 4 years ago with a man who seemed strong and caring and kind. He had been through hell with his divorce and then the breakdown of a long term relationship. His children were grownup when we met but had their own severe teenage behavioural and trauma issues when he was raising them. His 25 year old is a domestic violence perpetrator and our lives are ocassionally upended in dealing with it, but I am supportive and motivated to help both of his children with love and compassion. We have had a wonderful relationship almost every day and we have a beautiful life, with so much in common. He has been my favourite person in the world and he moved in 8 months ago. But...when the going gets tough with my children (they are not the easiest of teens but nor are they particularly bad), he goes into complete meltdown mode and disappears. Literally. He moves out of our beautiful family home and goes and stays with a family member. He is severely and disproportionately angered by crappy teenage behaviour and says that he has been through his own teen dramas, teen dramas in his last relationship and can not deal with mine. I feel so unsupported and somewhat resentful - he knew I had children when we met. The dramas with my kids are few and far between, though they can be extremely rude and disrespectful. I feel so cheated that he forgets all of the wonderful things that we have when an "incident" happens, and moves out. He starts talking about breaking up, and it only adds to the stress of whatever teen incident I am dealing with. I am unintentionally making him sound like a bad person, 99% of the time he is amazing and gets on with my kids and my family and friends love him. I guess it makes it all the more difficult to know what to do about this situation I find myself in.

R92 Confused, depressed and feel stuck
  • replies: 0

I’m really hoping I can find clarity and help here. Me and my partner have been together 6 years and have broken up twice in that time. I have a daughter who is 11 (different father) and he and I have a 2 year old son together. He is a beautiful man ... View more

I’m really hoping I can find clarity and help here. Me and my partner have been together 6 years and have broken up twice in that time. I have a daughter who is 11 (different father) and he and I have a 2 year old son together. He is a beautiful man and I know he would never hurt me physically but on the weekend we had a pretty big fight because I was standing up for my daughter and his response was “well if you don’t like it get out”… I’m still feeling really emotional and hurt by this statement as he knows I don’t have anywhere to go and no family ect. We have just gotten back together but we were still living and sleeping with each other while ‘broken up’. The plan was I was going to move out with the kids and was saving to do so. I just feel like no matter how much I save and no matter how much I do I’ll never have the money to move. I just had to transfer him $400 for half of the bills. I love him but mentally and emotionally I’m just done. I can’t afford the rent here on my own where we are ($500 a week) and really just want to be on my own in my own house. Not only do I need to save for the first 4 weeks rent, I need to buy a washing machine, bed and mattress for myself and down the track a dining table. I just feel really stuck and alone.

Ocean26 Not Infertile, But Not Pregnant
  • replies: 2

Hi BeyondBluers,I'm having a really hard time. With a family history of mental health challenges, my Mum and two of her brothers all took their own life before I turned 18.After years of psychology sessions, a uni degree and finding the love of my li... View more

Hi BeyondBluers,I'm having a really hard time. With a family history of mental health challenges, my Mum and two of her brothers all took their own life before I turned 18.After years of psychology sessions, a uni degree and finding the love of my life, I'm now married and hoping to start a family with my Husband. He's such a warm, wonderful and supportive guy. I have beautiful friends who are also supportive, and so many of them are PREGNANT. Or have a child. We've been trying for 18 months. I don't know if I or my husband have any issues yet. I haven't felt ready to start the process of working with fertility clinics to take it a step further. Plus my psychologist tells me that being within 2 years from starting to try for a baby is actually "normal". I'm feeling the cycle of disappointment, heart break and loss for something I haven't had yet. This grief is as real, raw and deep as when I lost my Mum. Except it also comes in cyclical waves when I get my period, when a friend announces they're pregnant or when I'm around friends who are pregnant and they're talking excitedly about their futures. I don't check social media much anymore because I need to get away from all the announcements. I never knew that wanting to have a baby but it not happening yet could bring so much pain. Not many people around me understand, or know what to say to me when I confide in them (which is fair, we're not trained to know what to say!). They try to make me feel better by telling me not to worry, that a baby is just around the corner, don't give up hope, at least I should be grateful for XYZ, or the many different versions of that. It's hard to feel heard, understood and not alone. I can feel happy, and grateful at times, and at the same time, the heart ache and pain is so frequent. It's just hard. I'm hoping someone here might understand. Please don't make me feel guilty as I already understand that others can be in a tougher situation than me. It doesn't mean what I'm feeling is any less valid, which is hard to remember at the best of times. Thanks in advance for reading. I'd love some support.

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Anonymous_1464 My girlfriends anxiety is causing problems for our relationship
  • replies: 1

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 8 months now. Through the entire time my friendship with my sister has caused her anxiety and it has really started to take a toll on our relationship and she’s unsure if she can handle it. I’m 21 year... View more

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 8 months now. Through the entire time my friendship with my sister has caused her anxiety and it has really started to take a toll on our relationship and she’s unsure if she can handle it. I’m 21 years old and still live at home with my parents and sister who is 19. My relationship with my sister is by no means anything unusual and is purely just 2 siblings who get along. My girlfriend worries that I want her to be like my sister, she worries that I tell my sister everything about me and my girlfriends relationship and that I don’t need or want to be with her because of the bond I have with my sister. None of these are true, I love my girlfriend for who she is and have not once wished she was anything like my sister in any way. I’ve never told my sister details about me and my girlfriend’s relationship and I have never felt that I don’t need my girlfriend or that I don’t want to be with her. It is a hard problem to navigate and she understands that it may not make total sense to me but at this point in time I am not willing to give up on our relationship over something that I believe can be overcome. What tools do I need to assist her moving forward and what are some tools that she will need to be able to understand that my sister is of no threat to our relationship and that I do not compare them in any way? Thanks

Lmov807 Being a better supportive husband
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm having a very hard time being the supportive husband my wife needs of me. We have known each for 9 years, engaged for 4 years and now married for 1.5years. We have 5 year old twins, raising them without a village around us the whole time due ... View more

Hi, I'm having a very hard time being the supportive husband my wife needs of me. We have known each for 9 years, engaged for 4 years and now married for 1.5years. We have 5 year old twins, raising them without a village around us the whole time due to distance and family conflict.My wife has been upfront about having anxiety and depression since day one, has medications and has been engaged in counseling for many years. Even with all her mental health pains she has been my number one cheerleader which I never had in childhood or as an adult.We never fought prior to kids but life since the twins has been difficult. The lack of support during covid has been marked and has taken a toll on both of us. We have had to battle so hard to survive those early days, there has been so little relief since. So much of our trauma from our youth and previous relationships are being relived and triggered in raising twins. For me, childhood trauma of being endlessly criticized for not doing exactly what has been asked of me. I have been seeing a psychologist for about a year to work through plus life now as a husband and father with mental health and kids in that discussion too. For my wife it's much more severe anxiety and depression. And that's where I'm having problems.Prior to kids I could reassure and be a person she could depend on the help ride it out but now none of this works. She literally has mentioned what she needs in those times, clear communication to the smallest detail, ask questions on her well-being and listen with empathy. I admit I don't do this every single time. I will either miss a detail, often the smallest bit that is forgotten, not outline everything on my mind each time we communicate or have a too small view of the situation, as in not seeing it from other viewpoints. This causes significant conflict. It then send me down a hole of failure, anger and self pity. I find it hard to get back up, reassure my wife, learn from what has happened and to get better. I know I'm extremely hard on myself but it keeps happening. And when it does, I take on that lesson but the next time it's another thing and another. I'm overwhelmed with everything I need to do and each and every time. There is always something else to be mindful of, unfortunately I will forget and then this causes more grief. I know a lot of this can be prevented on my actions but it's hard to keep on top of

Ranga-1 I'm Worried About My Son - Again
  • replies: 1

Hi. As the title suggests, I am worried about my son again. He's been wearing a hoodie a lot, and as it happens, his hair has matted into a bunch of horrible knots - he has long hair. He had friends over tonight, and his mate's girlfriend helped him ... View more

Hi. As the title suggests, I am worried about my son again. He's been wearing a hoodie a lot, and as it happens, his hair has matted into a bunch of horrible knots - he has long hair. He had friends over tonight, and his mate's girlfriend helped him with a lot of the detangling. He still has a colossal knot, which I will help with later. They put his hair into a braid and they've all gone bowling. When his mates were in the car and he was putting on his shoes, I asked him how he could have been so neglectful. He told me he had had a depressive episode. I immediately apologised and asked how I could help He said he has been talking to his friends. He is lucky they are so understanding and accepting. They're good kids. I just texted him to apologise and told him I'm here for him. He said it's okay - he just scored a strike. I guess he knows I'm here for him. I can't talk to my husband. He's always sick and he's isolated himself in his shed. I don't care that much about my marriage at the moment, but I care about HIM. I am starting an internship again next week, and I'm so scared I can't do it, and now I have these worries on my mind. My son has also just split with his girlfriend, and I think that might have contributed to the depressive episode he mentioned. What can I do?

Long-term support over the journey

A space for regular members to keep in touch and revisit ongoing discussions with more than 100 posts.

Geniue Mental health
  • replies: 1

Hi its Geniue here i haven't posted anything for a long time. But I'm glad I'm back. I'm very passionate about the work that Beyond Blue does because it's close to home for me. I guess for me when someone goes through immense struggles at such a very... View more

Hi its Geniue here i haven't posted anything for a long time. But I'm glad I'm back. I'm very passionate about the work that Beyond Blue does because it's close to home for me. I guess for me when someone goes through immense struggles at such a very young age it makes you wonder how on earth you can survive something like that and that is my story. For myself I was dealing with such incredible adversity still growing still trying to figure out who I was and I was heavily compounded with things that someone at a young age should never have to go through little loan experience. How does someone navigate there way through that but somehow that's what I did. I just want to say WE ARE NOT VICTIMS we are actually SURVIVORS of other people's bad choices. It never was bout us for the people out there who can relate to my story but everything to do with them. Please takecare and know this you are beautiful and deserving of all the wonderful things life has to offer. Because now I truly know that within my heart and soul. Don't let anyone take that special person that is in you away. Because it is there I found myself and I know you can too. Thankyou

MM15 Terminated from work
  • replies: 2

High stress role that eventually became too much led to long term depression and anxiety. After utilising all my sick leave (5 months) and having had a medical review which concluded I wasn’t ready to return, I was terminated by work. I ended up putt... View more

High stress role that eventually became too much led to long term depression and anxiety. After utilising all my sick leave (5 months) and having had a medical review which concluded I wasn’t ready to return, I was terminated by work. I ended up putting in a late general protections claim but couldn’t manage it and bailed out early. Work objected to the delay brought in an external legal team and it became expensive and far too stressful. Income protection has started, which I am thankful for. Am wondering if I should look at work cover. how stressful is all this?

Guest_51324917 life
  • replies: 1

life can be so mean until you find some who really care about you

life can be so mean until you find some who really care about you😍😘