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Caring for myself and others

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Staying well

Support each other to stay well, from mindfulness, sleep, diet and exercise to reducing drug and alcohol use and coping with difficult emotions.

.liv_.. Struggling to find direction
  • replies: 1

Hello!I have been recently finding myself in situations where I am faced with an easy task but then met with the overwhelming feeling of not being able to do it. I have put it down to laziness for ages not but I am starting to think I could be someth... View more

Hello!I have been recently finding myself in situations where I am faced with an easy task but then met with the overwhelming feeling of not being able to do it. I have put it down to laziness for ages not but I am starting to think I could be something else?Currently, my sleep schedule is horrible, I go to bed around 3am and wake up around 11am. During these early hours I have a tendency to spiral. I am fully aware that I do this but I still can’t seem to stop myself from being in this bad sleep schedule.I dealt with very bad anxiety and ADHD as a child which I presume has gone away as I am no longer medicated but I can still feel myself sometimes verging on panic attacks (which I still remember how to call myself down from them as a child, so I don’t go into a full spiral). Other simple tasks like attending online uni lectures is a struggle for much, dispite me recognizing this is a simple task.I guess, in a roundabout way of saying it, I am struggling to find any motivation to help myself and was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and any helpful tips to fix this. Thanks.

white knight Should we "harden up"
  • replies: 11

I was first told that by a colleague in the Airforce at 17yo, then as a prison warder at 21yo then as a crowd controller at 29yo seems every job I took on, eventually someone saw my emotional side and mistook that for weakness. But that side also cau... View more

I was first told that by a colleague in the Airforce at 17yo, then as a prison warder at 21yo then as a crowd controller at 29yo seems every job I took on, eventually someone saw my emotional side and mistook that for weakness. But that side also caused a problem, once my weakness was judged, the opportunists would circle like sharks, eager to dominate, intimidate and control. By the time I reached 35yo I knew a change was needed. But there were a series of questions- do I imitate them? Call on my knights armour I developed while working in the jail? Remain a victim of tyrants? Or try something else?.What was crucial was that I not ever sell myself out of my kind side. To become some tough guy all the time would result in losing an important piece of who I was. A permant mask. So, I decided to create a defensive strategy along with an early warning system. It was trial and error.Predicting conflict isn't easy but if you prepare for it with everyone new in your life you react quicker. Unjustified criticism by a work colleague in a job you've just commenced is a good example and quick wit helps. Quickly replying (with a question) "so Billy, I thought James was my supervisor"?. Put Billy in his place and he becomes wary with a repeat. If he tries to justify then reply "we'll you're addressing me like I'm your student... why is that"?So, be prepared, use wit to keep replies short with greater impact and answer with questions compelling the aggressor to justify poor behaviour. The faster your reply the greater the shock value. "Hardening up" doesn't mean losing your priceless emotional/empathetic side, it means surviving better in what can be a nasty environment that has the aggressors ground rules. Defending yourself prevents ongoing torment. Set your standards early being firm, fair and reasonable without aggression. Return the ball to their court... most times they'll apologise and it's nipped in the bud. TonyWK

Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Information on a range of different areas, including managing relationships with GPs and psychologists, and finding the right services for you.

melon Psychologist is on leave
  • replies: 1

I will not be seeing her until the end of this month is it possible to book for another one as soon as possible and how do I do it? I'm in need of immeidate help.

I will not be seeing her until the end of this month is it possible to book for another one as soon as possible and how do I do it? I'm in need of immeidate help.

bigstar medication changes.
  • replies: 1

Hey guys, after four months of what i thought was chronic fatigue after a virus--i started getting midnight panic attacks and was suffering. I decided at that stage that I didnt have chronic fatigue, I had a depressive episode that was insidious enou... View more

Hey guys, after four months of what i thought was chronic fatigue after a virus--i started getting midnight panic attacks and was suffering. I decided at that stage that I didnt have chronic fatigue, I had a depressive episode that was insidious enough for me not to realise, until the panic attacks reared their ugly head. Anyways, spoke to new GP and upped my dose of my current medication 23 days ago. Im much worse now then I was then. Although the fatigue is gone, I'm feeling a bit hopeless especially since Im trying to do all the right things. Appetite gone, last week I was throwing up food that I wasnt trying to force myself to eat. Random boughts of crying, dread, crushing depression, anxiety etc. Not much relief outside of sedatives and everyday feels like a full uphill battle. I've been on my current medication and dosage for 7 years and have enjoyed relatively good life as a result--can't see my gp till next week and I'm just worried. 23 days and it feels like my condition is detiorating and I'm not sure what this suggests. I keep promising my boss it'll be over tomorrow and I'll be back at work, only worked one day last week. My partner is freaking out because shes never seen this before, but I assure her I've done it before and I'll do it again--but the weight loss is freaking her out as well. Urrrrggg. Love and hope to everyone fighting this invisible gross sickness.

Arinya Alternate Options for Treatment Resistant Depression
  • replies: 9

Hey, I’m new here so hopefully this all falls within the guidelines :’) (and do let me know if it doesn’t) I’ll try my best to keep this short so as to not overwhelm anyone with too many words. I’ve had a long-standing battle with severe MDD, of whic... View more

Hey, I’m new here so hopefully this all falls within the guidelines :’) (and do let me know if it doesn’t) I’ll try my best to keep this short so as to not overwhelm anyone with too many words. I’ve had a long-standing battle with severe MDD, of which different medications has barely touched alongside psychotherapy and other supports like outreach services, in-patient, youth residential recovery programs, so on and so forth. I’m still in such an incredibly dark space, and in a constant state of distress, which sucks because I recognise the value of the psychological support and can intellectually pick my way through every one of my thoughts, but can’t ever manage to ease the great pain that drives me to pursue some, uh, not-so-safe decisions, to put it lightly. Anyways, a psychiatrist I saw earlier this week wants to explore some of the more modern treatments in the hopes it allows me to respond better to all the psychosocial/therapeutic supports I have. I guess I’m a bit afraid, both of the unknowns and difficulties making such big decisions along with the deep seated hopelessness that has no faith in anything helping. I’ve done so much research and consulted my psychologist, gp, and a friend who’s been through some of these treatments, but I don’t know what to take into consideration, what to beware of, if this is even worth pursuing. I hope somebody can help 🙏🏻

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Bigcorkers Dealing with a drunk as a brother in law
  • replies: 3

Hi,I need some advice on how to deal with this.My brother drinks to much and when out in public or dinner occasions he always drinks more and starts an argument with people even a fight.1st time was out on a family golf day and he drank to much beer ... View more

Hi,I need some advice on how to deal with this.My brother drinks to much and when out in public or dinner occasions he always drinks more and starts an argument with people even a fight.1st time was out on a family golf day and he drank to much beer and started a fight on the golf course and all of us was asked to leave.2nd time at his wifes birthday he drank to much and was making the waitress feel very uncomfortable and got into a argument with people and made his kids cry and all of us feel uncomfortableLast time was at my birthday he started drinking heavy and got into an argument with someone and punches being thrown by both in front of both there kids and family. I have told my wife that for a while i don`t wont to go to any event when drinking is going on with my brother in law as it is not acceptable. I need some help dealing with this as my wife and his family decide its ok and always say i need to do with it better.

Eagle Ray Changing unhealthy friendship patterns
  • replies: 5

In recent times I’ve become much better with boundaries and removed myself from a number of unhealthy situations with others. But almost like some kind of test, I’ve recently been presented with some challenging situations again. A long time unhealth... View more

In recent times I’ve become much better with boundaries and removed myself from a number of unhealthy situations with others. But almost like some kind of test, I’ve recently been presented with some challenging situations again. A long time unhealthy pattern in my life has been that particular other people view me as their analgesic (I’m there to make them feel better), their shock absorber (I’m there to vent stress on) or their punching bag (I’m there to take anger out on when they’re frustrated or upset in their life). All of these dynamics are repeating the pattern of how my mother viewed/treated me and I unconsciously fell into these roles that others projected onto me. I thought I’d gotten past this but in the last week I’ve had toxic anger directed at me from one friend who is frustrated with others in her life but chose to take it out on me, as I’m gentle and therefore she thought she could get away with that. And now a very challenging friend from the past has contacted me wanting to catch up. It was so draining and stressful dealing with her previously and damaging to my health. I bumped into her recently and because I’m still polite and kind, she now wants to re-establish a friendship. But I just know it would go badly and exhaust me. I have coped with behaviours from her such as tantrums, abusive messages and her phoning me incessantly in an extremely dysregulated state. I know I need to not re-establish contact. She swung between love and hate and has bpd and I have real empathy for her situation, but I simply don’t have it in me to endure the challenges I went through with her before. But what concerns me is that the patterns seem to still present themselves and I wonder what I may be doing that may still invite that dynamic, as much as I don’t want it. Does anyone else relate to people being clingy with them, using them as a punching bag etc? I feel like it’s the story of my life. I think I need to shift something more energetically within myself for it to stop. Basically I find people who have alienated everyone else from their life and feel desperate cling to me because my soft spot is empathy and kindness. But I’ve learned over and over they never really see me or my needs, just someone they can feed off and use to get their needs met. Just feeling vulnerable with this right now and wondering if others have similar experiences and how they’ve dealt with it?

doctorwho moving on
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I have experienced some hard things in my childhood that I find hard to let go of and resolve. However, when I talk to my boyfriend about it, he says that I should try and move on from it. Is that the best response?

Hi all, I have experienced some hard things in my childhood that I find hard to let go of and resolve. However, when I talk to my boyfriend about it, he says that I should try and move on from it. Is that the best response?

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Guest_15637445 My sister is 26 but acts 12
  • replies: 2

My 26 yo sister still lives at home, has had 3 jobs total, all that have lasted only a month each before being let go due to lack of interest, and is extremely rude. She doesn’t do any house work or chores. If you speak to her, she is quick to snap a... View more

My 26 yo sister still lives at home, has had 3 jobs total, all that have lasted only a month each before being let go due to lack of interest, and is extremely rude. She doesn’t do any house work or chores. If you speak to her, she is quick to snap and blame. For our whole lives, we have never been close despite being only 19 months apart and this didn’t bother me because she’s into different things and, well, she’s rude but recently she has started to display behaviour that makes me think she’s actually unwell and maybe even didn’t develop Cognitively. She has started to refuse to talk to any family besides my mum and myself (and barely even us) and she pulled out most of her eyebrows. She’s also skin and bone (I think 45kg and 5’3) and is on a diet which is crazy that she thinks she needs to be. When I saw her eyebrows, it’s like something clicked and I realised she is crying for help and has no way of getting it. I don’t live there but I’ve tried to message and she blows me off, even just to hang out. If I do go there, she won’t come out from her room and say hello. When I gave her her birthday gift last month, I went into her room with my partner and she took the gift, said “okay” and showed us the door. She has no manners but she did when we was a kid. She’s actually getting more child like as she gets older. My family have no money to get her help and she doesn’t work. My dad is worried she’s depressed and suicidal. How do you help someone who doesn’t want to have a real conversation with anyone and with no money. I feel trapped and I can’t imagine how she feels.

Guest_50817782 I miss my family but I don't know what do to.
  • replies: 1

Hello Beyond Blue, I am a 19-year-old female and I'm feeling really homesick at the moment. I moved a year ago from my childhood home which I had grown up in my whole life to where I work which is a university campus. I am an assistant to a researche... View more

Hello Beyond Blue, I am a 19-year-old female and I'm feeling really homesick at the moment. I moved a year ago from my childhood home which I had grown up in my whole life to where I work which is a university campus. I am an assistant to a researcher at the academy and he is a very friendly and intelligent man. At first, I didn't experience too much homesickness but that was probably because I got so wrapped up my excitement that I temporarily forgot about the needs of my family. Ever since I was a kid, I've had to look after my younger siblings with my older brother. Our family has been through the wringer at times with money and my mum travels a lot for work so is rarely home. I feel like I've left them all behind in a rush to pursue my career and now I deeply regret it. I wish I had spent more quality time with my siblings before I left home but now it's a little too late because now two of them are working and our family is busier than ever. I don't know what to do but I feel so much guilt over the situation. To be CLEAR, I do not want to leave my job. Even though it can be demanding, I really do love it and aspire to study or do research at this academy. I just wish that I hadn't made myself so available to my boss sometimes because I rarely get to see my family now. I know he understands but I feel so bad telling him to reduce my hours because I can see he really values my assistence. I also shouldn't complain because he also lives with a disability and ins't in great health so I don't want to put that extra burden on his shoulders. Depression has gotten to me honestly and I don't know who to open up to about it. I don't want anyone to feel bad because of me. That's all though. Thanks for listening to my rant 🙂

Long-term support over the journey

A space for regular members to keep in touch and revisit ongoing discussions with more than 100 posts.

Dolly My fiancé has bipolar
  • replies: 5

My fiancé has always been very kind and loving towards me and has always told me how much he loves me. He has always told me to never doubt his love for me. Our wedding is all planned for 7 weeks time, then out of the blue 2 weeks ago he said that he... View more

My fiancé has always been very kind and loving towards me and has always told me how much he loves me. He has always told me to never doubt his love for me. Our wedding is all planned for 7 weeks time, then out of the blue 2 weeks ago he said that he couldn’t marry me, as he doesn’t love me. I am absolutely shattered and at a loss as to what to do. I have always known from day one that he has bipolar and I am very supportive of his needs. He means a whole lot to me, I love him unconditionally.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Guest_58442969 Help plse-My work cancelled my maternity leave when my baby died.
  • replies: 1

I’m still a Mum!  My heart is breaking as when my baby died at 6 weeks of age, my workplace cancelled my pre-approved maternity leave and give me a month's personal leave instead. I did not even get the 6 weeks of leave, as my daughter lived for 6 w... View more

I’m still a Mum! 😞 My heart is breaking as when my baby died at 6 weeks of age, my workplace cancelled my pre-approved maternity leave and give me a month's personal leave instead. I did not even get the 6 weeks of leave, as my daughter lived for 6 weeks! My husband on the other hand, received his 3 months paternity leave whilst I was back at work! I created a petition, so this doesn't happen again. We have over 15000 signatures in 3 weeks. All mothers like me, past, present and future with baby loss should be treated with care, compassion, respect and dignity. With Love, Priya’s Mum

Guest_55317670 Major Life Decision
  • replies: 1

I'm becoming so depressed and anxious because of job-hunting and making a major life decision. I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. I love him completely and couldn't imagine my life without him. I want to marry him. My problem is...... View more

I'm becoming so depressed and anxious because of job-hunting and making a major life decision. I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. I love him completely and couldn't imagine my life without him. I want to marry him. My problem is... I can't find a career/job. Every advertisement I look at seems mind-numbing and the path to dead end depression. The only career that has ever interested me is the defence force however I know I would have to leave my boyfriend. Its completely unreasonable to ask him to move states with me as he already has a solid career built. Being away, even long distance, for possibly months on end would hurt us so much. Even if i was able to stay in our current state, who knows if I get moved around in a years time. If I choose love I will hate work - which will be 60+ years of my life. If I choose career I will lose the one thing I've ever truly loved.